I am so over this.
I just don't want to get married anymore... I mean, I want to BE married to my man, but just skip the wedding part...
My soon-to-be mother-in-law is behaving somewhat oddly... After a phone conversation in which she first instructed me to write wedding invitations in a particular way, then told me that we should have a room in a Hotel on night before the wedding OR the wedding night, rather stay in the family house which will be packed with guests from out of town... Oh , and told me that we can't hire a car for the wedding, but the whole family should just pile into the car...
AFTER this conversation, in which I nodded and said yes to everything, then got off the phone and burst into tear, I heard from my brother in law that she had told the entire family that I was placing importance on things that weren't important, wasn't compromising and was spending money randomly...
This is just silly - firstly because I am on a strict budget, secondly because we are paying for the godawful affair ourselves and thirdly because I have already compromised the church, the dress, the guests, the place, the food, the music - actually everything...
It's also hurtful and rude.
So - it's just not any fun - and I can't figure out if it was actually supposed to be... I though about cancelling, but a whole bunch of people are coming from overseas...
So - I guess I'm just over it.

Well, it's your money, your wedding, so you plan it the way you want. If your intended mother-in-law doesn't like it, that's her problem. She'll get over it.

You really need to, actually, you and your husband to be need to put your foot down NOW, not after you get married, with your soon to be mother in law. Your fiancé needs to be willing to do this otherwise, wedding or not, this is what you can look forward to forever. If you are paying for this affair, I would put a stop to her intrusions and hacking of your plans. Don't let her ruin this for you. Take control. Speak with your fiancé, tell him what you feel, hopefully he will back you up. If he doesn't, you've got bigger problems than your mother-in-law. Assuming he does agree and backs you up, you both need to go to your mother in law and lay it down! No need to be rude, yell, cry, scream or be mean, just let her know you appreciate her concerns BUT you will take control of all decisions from this point on (as long as you're not Bridezilla, just kiddin!) and let the chips fall where they may. Salvage what you can. This day belongs to you and your man, don't give much care about what she tells relatives or anyone else...

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Originally Posted by starryeyed

I am so over this.
I just don't want to get married anymore.... I mean, I want to BE married to my man, but just skip the wedding part...
My soon-to-be mother-in-law is behaving somewhat oddly... After a phone conversation in which she first instructed me to write wedding invitations in a particular way, then told me that we should have a room in a Hotel on night before the wedding OR the wedding night, rather stay in the family house which will be packed with guests from out of town... Oh , and told me that we can't hire a car for the wedding, but the whole family should just pile into the car...
AFTER this conversation, in which i nodded and said yes to everything, then got off the phone and burst into tear, I heard from my brother in law that she had told the entire family that I was placing importance on things that weren't important, wasn't compromising and was spending money randomly...
This is just silly - firstly because I am on a strict budget, secondly because we are paying for the godawful affair ourselves and thirdly because i have already compromised the church, the dress, the guests, the place, the food, the music - actually everything...
It's also hurtful and rude.
So - it's just not any fun - and i can't figure out if it was actually supposed to be... I though about cancelling, but a whole bunch of people are coming from overseas....
So - I guess I'm just over it.

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:( how I hate these issues.
I feel for you, I really do. I can't understand why in-laws & family have to butt in where they don't need to.

This is YOUR wedding and your HUSBANDS weddings.. no one else's.
This should be the day that you two will remember for the rest of your lifes.

I would sit with your man, discuss what you want and don't want.
Make a list and stick the that list as a couple would do. Don't listen to anyone saying "oh, but this and oh but that"... Let them say it, most of all especially if the wedding expenses are coming out of your pockets.

Remember Its YOUR big day and no anyone else's.
Don't compromise to please family, compromise to please your husband to be and yourself :)

What you are seeing in her now is what you will see latter also.

She will tell you how to do the turkey, and remind you it was not done that way latter. She will tell you how to do the laundry, and how to raise kids.

If your husband does not stand up with you, what you see is what you will have forever basically.

But just tell her no, that it is your wedding and that unless she is paying for it, you want it exactly your way. But make sure your husband to be is on the same ball game. Or it may never reach home plate.

Thank you for the great advice everyone...
I am getting married in a foreign country, into a foreign family, so I guess that didn't help the communication much...
I sat down and explained everything in a really calm, structured way (no joke - with diagrams) to my man... And then he decided to call his mother...
The next day, she called me and apologised.
Wow... Thanks for your great advice!

Yayyyyyyyyyyyyy! I'm so glad you picked a man and not a male to be your partner for life. This sets the ground work and now your inlaws will know that he's got your back!

Always, be polite, but firm, and they can't step on you. Happy Nuptuals! Please let us know how it goes...

Best wishes to you both!