Ask Me Help Desk - Long distance relationship

Hey everyone,

I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 7 years now ever since high school and in the last couple of weeks Ive noticed that things aren't quite the way they used to be. She had just finished her uni course at the beginning of the year and has moved 3hours away. 2 weeks ago she asked me for a brake and said that she needed some space to figure out what she wants. This is hard for me because we have been together for so long I know no different. I was set on her being the one that I will spend the rest of my life with but now I don't know if she wants that. She is saying that her life is now 3hours away and that we might be going in different directions. How am I suppose to take that kind of reaction after so long? Apparently we are on a brake but not broken up, does this mean that there might be something still there and she's not quite sure what to do? All I want to know is how do I go about surviving this step in our relationship? Do I make the radicle change and move down there to be closer to her or go on with my life here? Any advice would be helpful

I'm not sure if it is because you did not provide us with more information, but this break does sound very sudden.

After 7 years, you would think that you have a better communication system. I understand how this can be really tough on you. The first step is to give her the space that she wants. You got to respect her wishes and let her sort out her emotions. The last thing you want to do is add more pressure to her. She's already in a state of confusion.

Once she's figured out what she wants, she will find you. If she wanted you to move down there to be with her, she will ask you to do so.

The only thing you can do is be patient. It's better that she's sorting her feelings out now before the two of you consider engagement.

Take it easy on yourself. There's not much more you could say now that you didn't say in the last 7 years. Be patient. Keep yourself occupied so that you don't have to dwell on it.

Let us know if you need more support.

OK a few things. If this girl doesn't want to make it work with you, then it doesn't matter how much you change about yourself. Frankly, you shouldn't want to completely change your life for anyone, unless it's what you want to do for yourself.

As far as taking a break, that is the same as being broken up. You are either in a relationship of some sort, or you aren't. Period. What she is trying to do is let you down easy because she doesn't think you can handle an immediate break up. I see why she feels this way.

You made the same mistake almost everyone on this site has done at some point in their lives. You made this girl the most important thing in your life, you based everything you did and everything you felt off of what you thought she wanted. You now have an opportunity to get your own life sorted out, and grow into a stronger, more confident individual.

Long-distance relationships are very tough, and they only work if both people know exactly what they want for themselves and in their relationships. Obviously, this girl does not know what she wants, and rather than drag you along she wants to figure things out on her own. If she wants to make some sort of half-commitment to you (something like being separated, but agreeing not date other people) you need to realize that all she is doing is trying to hold on to you while she figures out herself. You deserve better than that.

Be strong, and learn to live your life without her. A healthy relationship should involve both people wanting the same things in terms of a relationship. You do not have that, and you cannot force something to work.

Read my signature for some more advice on this ;)

~ Tee

Hey thank you for the advice guys probably what I needed to hear. Im going to go on with my life, work, mates and try and keep myself occupied. Maybe this is the end of a fantastic relationship and that we might be heading in different directions, just one of us had the balls to actually say it. We arranged to talk once a week on thursdays and that's today but I sent her a message saying that maybe we shouldn't talk as I don't want to be given any false hope. Time will tell or heal what has been done and life will go on, just need to accept what has happened and move towards a brighter future :). It will be hard to let someone go after so long especially when you have talked to this person for every day of your relationship, fingers crossed everything works out.

You already know what to do, and just follow through with it. You are definitely on the right track.

I can't believe after 7 years you didn't get a clear understanding as to what she meant by break. I would have had to know EXACTLY what she was talking about and for how long.

Quote:

She is saying that her life is now 3hours away and that we might be going in different directions

Since neither of you discussed any future plans together then you need to take this as a break up, and be single, and plan your life without her, so your taking a good course of action for yourself.