Ask Me Help Desk - What to do when I am Clingy?

What to do when I am Clingy?

I am a guy, 18, and recently started to date someone of my age. She says I am a bit too clingy and asks me to stop. I know I am too clingy a lot of the time and I wish not to be anymore because I really love her. So if anyone has any suggestions to avoid being clingy please give them. Also, if you have any questions about us just ask, I am fairly open to the subject.

What do she mean by to clingy? Like you always have to be with her and if you are not with her you are on the phone with her?

I am not too sure what she means by it, but I think it has to do with me always wanting to hug her when she is around. We do talk a lot on IM, but we are both in college and have tons of work to do, so it's a break sometimes, but not always.

You should step back and do other things with friends and family. Go to the gym, hang out with your boys, etc.

Don't let your life only be this relationship it is cool to have a life outside it. Otherwise being clingy is a sure way to run this relationship to the ground.

Relax!

So she literally means clingy. I can understand that. Is it that she doesn't like like public displays of affection? Or does she get mad when you two are alone and you hug her?

Sounds like you guys only recently started dating.

You'll have to ask her what else she means by clingy. Only hugging doesn't really fit the meaning of the word. If it's only because you hug her too much in public, then tone it down.

It's probably because she's the type of girl who wants independence but you need a lot of attention. So back off and do your own thing.

I agree Liz, it's just that my previous 2 relationships went utterly through the floor for different reason, so I've never noticed that I have been clingy.

Spit:
Publicly most of the time.
IWish:
Yes I haven't dated much.

Yeah I am not a big PDA person. Lay off on the hugging in public and give her some space and she should be OK. Good luck Dude and welcome to AMHD!

Thanks Spit.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDudeGuy

Spit:
Publically most of the time.
IWish:
Yes I haven't dated much.

Oh, I meant you and your girlfriend current. Sounds like you two only started dating recently.

In that case, one thing you should know for a successful relationship is "communication".

If something is bothering her, give her the chance to tell you AND explain. The important part is "explanation," so that you will know for next time.

Communication is a big part of a relationship so if your girlfriend say something to you and your unsure about what she means simply ask her. This eliminate all the guessing/confusion.

Ask her "what do you mean I am to clingy?". Listen to what she has to say and then move on from there.

Ya, I was going to do that today, but her first class was canceled, so she got in at like 2:30(EST) and we only had 30mins or so to talk before I left. Also, I over think everything. I am one of those kind of silent people in class because things don't hit me as fast as I would like them to. I guess I am very oblivious.

Clingy, Over-Analytic, and Oblivious to your surroundings...lol you sound just like me at 18. If you're anything like me, you'll end up falling in love after like 2 or 3 days together at that age (don't worry, most of us did the same thing, it's all part of the learning process). Just recognize that what you are feeling is not love, it is lust and infatuation.

Now, here's what I think you should do. Figure out how much time you can spend alone, away from this new girl, and how time you can enjoy on your own or with your own group of friends and family. You are starting to lay a foundation right now with this girl that she can define your life. You do not want that, because then when you lose her (and you will, if you start putting that much pressure on her) it becomes much harder to figure out your life without her!

~ Tee

Dude, I'm glad you asked this question and I have to be honest, you've got a great girlfriend, because most won't tell a guy what he needs to improve on, so score one for your girl.

But clinginess is more then just hanging on her. If she tells you to call her at 8:00 call at 8:15. Don't always do this, because then your not a man of your word. But through it in there every now and then.

Take her out for a night and never touch her once. Not only is that not clingy it lets her know you are in control of yourself and you also like just spending time with her, which she will never admit to you, but she will like you so much more for that.

Tease her a little. If she asks you for a hug, ask her if she thinks she's earned it? One it will throw her off because she's so used to you doing it. Two it's funny. Three she'll actually come up with a reason why she does deserve it.

Do that above, then wait a couple weeks or a month and repeat it. Only this time when she says yes and gives you a reason tell her, "Yeah...I don't think that's cutting it today. It's really to bad, because I want to, but I just don't really see it happening until I sense that you really deserve one." Again, you are teasing, don't blow this and be serious, but if you tease her she'll be laughing right along with you, and she'll actually want to hug or kiss you and you'll be the one backing away.

I remember my ex always wanted to hold hands in public. It drove me nuts, so finally I started teasing her, "Whoa...you haven't been giving the privilages to hold my hand today. If you behave while were out, I'll consider holding hands later." Not only did that give her something to look forward to and on her best behavior, it gave me an out to not hold hands (granted for awhile) and yes by the end we were holding hands.

This is the kind of thing you need to be doing. Teasing her and not going to her but making her come to you.

Triy:
I have known her for 6 months but only started to actually get to know her for the past 2 months and technically dating for 2 almost 3 weeks. So, it's not that, well maybe partly.
Chuff:
*points to talaniman* enough said. This I will have to try, once I get a bit less clingy.

What she says is clingy is always being around each other and always touching. I see how I am clingy and I asked her to help me out with it and she is going to.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheDudeGuy

What she says is clingy is always being around each other and always touching. I see how I am clingy and I asked her to help me out with it and she is going to.

That's why you take her out and do not touch her.

I heard this ananlogy once and it is great. Women are like water on a shore and men need to be like a giant rock. The rock stands tall, strong, and never moves. Water flows in and out of shore. That's kind of how you need to be, let her come to you, and then let her go, and then let her come back. You have to stand tall, solid, and not become like water going in and out from a mental and emotional point of view.

Quote:

I have known her for 6 months but only started to actually get to know her for the past 2 months and technically dating for 2 almost 3 weeks.

It's a big difference between knowing some one, and dating them.

Back away with the touchy feely, until she is more comfortable. A few weeks is to soon for that it appears. Keep your life balanced, by doing other things besides being with her, and school work. Have fun getting to know her.