I married a man who is the primary custodial parent. So the child lives with us. This child loves my kids, she seems exited about us moving in with dad. Now the mother who has her every other weeked is sending emails, that her daughter was the queen of this castle, now is a house full of kids I have 3. Our relationship is great we have been married 10 months but is really getting ugly with the mom. Since my husband daughter and my kids have become so close, my stepdaughter does hang around with frieds as much as she did before. The mom is accusing me that I'm keeping her way from friends. Asks the girls at least 5 times is she is happy on every conversation as if she is waiting for the girl to say something. She talks about our new family very disrespecful, calling this house crazy, circus. She has not been the best mom, she left the girl when she was 6 to go with another man, I did tell her I was not going to be a scapegoat if she was feeling guilty for her actions. She got furious. I don't know what to do, she has been provoking me since I steped in this house. She calls at least 6 times in one evening like from 4-10pm She calls to tell her daughter what time she should go to bed, and questions her and criticized about dinner time. She questions her about everything around here.

Can anyone tell me what is wrong here?

Sounds like your husband needs to grow some and tell his ex-wife to quit harassing you.

The unfortunate truth is you have to brush it off. She can throw as big a fit as she wants, but you have to ignore. It is too easy to say something bad about her or to her that will get back to or happens in front of her daughter. And this is a bad deal.

It may be that your step- daughter is venting about the changes and mom is overreacting because it is something she has no control over. And honestly it is a big change.

If she is getting extra attention from her mom over it too, well... that could make her stretch it. Its normal really. If my step-son is being difficult and Dad is riding his butt he will immediately start talking about how horrible it is at mom's to get sympathy. It would be really easy to get angry at her over it, but instead we wait and talk about it later to see how much was drama and fabrication. It happens way less now than it did in the beginning.

Unfortunately in order to handle it everyone has to have a clear head. Maybe your husband should talk to his daughter over a milkshake and see how she is doing with the changes.

Or... he could just have a crazy ex-wife then you're screwed

What does your husband say?

Husband has to tell her to stop or he may have to take her to court to force her from attacking you and the family in front of the child.

But she does not want you with him, ( it takes him away from her attention also) and she is scared you are taking her place as "mom"

He does not even talk to her, says that she is crazy and impossible to have a conversation. He expected she would cause all this problem. But he is not the type to say things back he listen and ignore. Only says something if is extremely big. He is very supportive to me. But we don't want my stepdaughter to even hear all this. We don't want her hurt.

Unfortunately I think we need to do that, go to court. She just left a message again attacking me. We were at a soccer game and then a baseball all evening. I guess she called the house and
We were not home. So she left a message thinking that we just did not want to get her call. Is like we always have to be nervous thinking if my stepdaughter call her or not. Cause if not
Than she calls and curses every one. This girl is 12. Sometimes she is just tired of her mom without anyone telling her anything. She accused me of keeping her daughter from her. I'm so frustrated.

Often this is one problem the man ignores it or expects new wife to "handle" it.

This is his responsibity, he has to step up to the plate for his kids.
There is a reaon he got custody, he needs to let her know it is not acceptable.

Going to court without telling her first to stop would be wrong in my opinion, he needs to try and first tell her what is acceptable and then if she continues then go to court

As far as email, voicemails, or texts. IGNORE them all, and don't take the actions of a nut, personally. Don't let her push your buttons, or act out of impulse. Follow your husbands lead on this one.

She needs your attention, and the drama. Don't give her either.

Unfortunately, I can see this getting worse.

Personally, I would record all phone calls, and get a hard copy of all emails. Record the number and times that she phones, and the nature of the conversations you or your husband have with her in a notebook.

Keep a very close eye on your step-daughter, and do not be afraid to have honest and open communication with her. She is at an age where silence is not necessarily the best route to go. Don't take sides, or make accusations, but really listen to her, as she is likely unhappy with the situation and feeling responsible for it to some degree.

Your husband's ex has NO business in your lives, your house, your activities, and how he raises his daugther. Who cares that she feels insecure!

You have to focus on your step daughters well being and keep providing a happy, secure environment for her.

The ex wife is the only problem here, and she is way out of bounds.

I do not know what legal aveunues are available to you to stop the harassment, but I would agree to seeing a lawyer. Provide him with 'proof' via the phone calls, emails, etc. and ask for some sort of restraining order to stop the harassment.

You have every right to be entitled to living your life with your family without being harassed by anybody!!

If your husband doesn't step up, then you step up, you are equally affected by this, as are your three children, and married or not, you have to find a way to no longer be a victim to her actions.