Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Writing (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=361)
-   -   What do you think of my poem? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=350140)

  • May 5, 2009, 02:14 PM
    lala55555
    What do you think of my poem?
    Hey guys! Could you tell me what you think about my poem. Feel free to criticize. Do you think I'm poetry material? Can I write good enough to get my poems published? Lol Anyway read my poem "Fantasies Never Last" and tell me what you think and go to my quizilla profile and read my poems and tell me what you think about my other ones. Thanks.
    Fantasies Never Last
    Just thinking of us
    Thinking of our past
    I actually thought we'd be forever
    But fantasies never last
    You made me fall in love
    You made me fall so fast
    But how was I to know
    Fantasies never last
    You were my first love
    You gave me my first kiss
    You were all I could think of
    Being with you was bliss
    You said we'd always be together
    You said you'd never leave
    But basically what you said altogether
    Is something you could never achieve
    I was your sunshine
    And you were my air
    But your ignorance took the oxygen away
    Because you were never there
    Now when I see you with another
    I know she will pass
    She is just like the others
    You proved to that fantasies never last

    Here is the link to my quizilla accont. Please check it out! :D
    LalaInLove4Eva's Profile on Quizilla
  • May 5, 2009, 02:41 PM
    bubbys123

    I was really taken by your poem. The poem expressed deep emotional feelings and allowed the reader to feel what you were feeling.
  • May 5, 2009, 02:52 PM
    lala55555
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by bubbys123 View Post
    I was really taken by your poem. The poem expressed deep emotional feelings and allowed the reader to feel what you were feeling.

    Awww. Thank you so much I have never gotten that response from anyone before :)
  • May 10, 2009, 08:40 PM
    dawgsnkats

    Like the poem. A few things catch me. The personal tone from a first love of love and lost as well as jealousy and anger of him moving on is not anything unique to men or women. What happens after that is what is unique. I suggest adding to the end in order to provide closure. It seems like the first verse of a song with the beginnings of a chorus. A good song might I add.
  • Mar 18, 2010, 03:50 AM
    afacade

    It actually felt more like a romantic song material...

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:42 PM.