I am new to this site and just about 10 minutes ago I had a breakdown. My girlfriend does not seem to really know what she wants and has been hurting me over and over again. I really need help. At the start we were happy and having all kinds of fun. Then she found out that I had broken up with my ex on my myspace and got made at me. Then it all kind of went down hill from there. She did not trust me to be on my computer at all and threatened to break up with me if I got on. Then I was playing xbox one night and she found out I was playing and again said she was done with me cause I did not tell her I was playing. And me being as weak as I was I gave in and moved my computer and my xbox down stairs in order to have a chance to get her back. But my girlfriend saw it fit to get revenge on me and has cheated on me 5 times now. I have a notebook right now talking about every day for the last month on how I feel about what's happening. I really love her and she is my first true relationship so it makes it very hard on me. We having been dating for 8 months now and I'm about to go to college. I tell her that I love her and she still tells me she loves me. But she is talking to another guy all at the same time and gets mad at me when I get upset over it. One time I went to her house and she asked me to wait at her house while she went out with her friends. But little did I know she was going out with this guy that she met the other day and lied to me about and said was a girl. I left her house the second after she walked out that door with him. Then she called me and told me that I had done the wrong thing. I forgave her for that and she ignored me for 7 hours without talking to me. She ended up going to the kids house and eating there. Now that I got back on my computer I see that she has feeling for him I never knew about. I am so depressed right now and I have no idea what to do. I see it as imposable to not talk to her seeing how much I care for her. I feel like I don't compare to the guys she is talking to at all and myself esteem is very low, and I just feel not attractive to her anymore. She seems to pick him over the person she claims to love which hurts a lot. A lot more has happened but I saw it as too much to write at this time I really need some help from people I don't know cause I have lost all my friends from this relationship. :/

Wow, I know you are hurting, but your "girlfriend" is the one causing it. No one should ever have this much control over your life. She is making you give up everything you like, xbox, your computer and really, yourself. A relationship is give and take, but all she does is take then makes you feel guilty about doing things you like and uses that to justify treating you like crap. Tell this girl to leave you alone, and I suggest you talk to your parents about seeing a counselor because this is going to cause you a lot of emotional problems if you don't talk to someone. Trust me, I've been through it when I was 16. My girlfriend at the time cheated on me, and made me feel like it was my fault she did it.

For your own piece of mind leave. This girl wants to control you but want to be free to do what see wants and it includes dating other guys. This isn't love but more of a mother and son relationship with all the rules and conditions.

Move on, move on, move on. Never should you allow someone to make you cut off all your friends and report your every move to them and ask permission to do things.

A relationship isn't suppose to make you depressed. Your so better off without her.

This being your first relationship is no excuse to put up with her acting like your master and you are her pet. She does what she wants, when she wants it, and expect you to do as your told. The problem is you do it, and never stand up for yourself.

This is not stupid teen ager stuff, its unhealthy, and degrading, and will continue, until you put a stop to it. Thats what you have to do,

Insecurity sucks, huh? You couldn't be good enough for anyone else; I mean, who else would date you? And she's so amazing, you can't let go of her now because you'll never find someone else again, right?

WRONG! You said she didn't know what she wanted, but guess what - she knows exactly what she wants from you, and you're giving it to her without a fight. Have some respect for yourself, dude! Play your video games, get on your computer, and for goodness' sake go out and spend time with your friends!

You don't have to answer to her, and frankly she's not worth your time if she's treated you this way. You need to stop focusing on how you can make her happy and worry about making yourself happy!

~ Tee

Right now you come before her. Think about yourself and do you a favor by excluding her from your life. All she is doing is controlling you and that is extremely wrong, while she goes and parties and somehow makes it you fault. That's not right. You have done nothing wrong but let her talk you down. Pick yourself up and get help from a counselor because you are worth so much more than she is treating you. She does not deserve you at all. There will be others who will respect you so much, and this one will mean nothing.

We're always here if you don't have anyone else to listen to you. Good luck. :)

Don't be depressed! You are about to drop so much stress in your life you won't know what to do with yourself.

Just like everyone else said she is controlling and to be honest and I know this is going to sound horrible but she doesn't love you. If she did she wouldn't give you all these rules about playing xbox, going on you computer etc... Stop all communication with her. Get out meet some new people and forgot about her.

It will be hard at first but if you just put up with that BS for 8 months meeting new people will be simple.

Wow... simply... wow. You have managed to find the biggest bit** on the planet and date her for 8 months. I don't know what to say. I wish you lived near me, so we could go out and rectify this situation. You sound like a good guy and to be taken advantage of like this is simply mind boggling. You deserve better, and you shall have better. She has beaten you down emotionally to the point of a break down. Once you are rid of her skanky a$$ you will realize how good life is.

As for her, karma will handle it. Send her my way! Carry on my man, and I am sorry you have such a horrible person in your life. Throw her away like the used tampon she is. Carry on... :cool:

The advice on this forum always addresses the person in pain. Respect yourself, don't be a doormat, etc. While I completely agree, I still can't believe there are people like his B*$## girlfriend on this planet. It would be one thing if she didn't care what he did with himself because she doesn't care anyway. However, to dictate what is acceptable to him or not and to then run around with other guys baffles me.

We are all human. We all have issues. I get that. Some people though. She's got to be a sociopath. I mean, this is disgusting behavior. I just don't get it. I haven't been a saint in my life. I have lead people on, sure. I didn't abuse them too though.

All things being relative, what makes people act like his girlfriend? I'd really like to know.

Nm

I don't think you can put someone like this in "their place". They are the way they are. If you tried to "lay down the law" so to speak, she would probably just cheat on you or leave you. She might not do the emotional damage to you that she has done to this kid but you are also forewarned of her behavior. Not a fair thing to say.

It was a joke, and I meant it as such. I realize what she has done to the OP. People are the way they are because they are allowed to be such. Try not to take what I say too personally.

I am the way I am... :cool:

Oh, I'm not crying over it KC. I just don't want to see the OP beat himself up for not manning up to her. I can read between the lines though. I disagree with "people are the way they are because they are ALLOWED to be". Who's job is it to disallow someone's behavior? All you can do with someone like this is "walk away" and I don't think she'll change because he leaves. She will simply do this to the next guy.

Maybe somewhere down the line she will get what's coming to her but that will probably reinforce her emotional detachment. The root of her behavior isn't the OP's fault. If she didn't love him and had any self-respect, she would simply break up with him and move on. The Sh$# she's pulling is her problem. The OP's only problem here is that he hasn't dropped her sorry a## yet.

I agree with you in principle, but I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. It is the nature of humans to do things until they are rejected. While this girl will likely continue on her path of being a user and selfish person, after a long period of lonliness (due to being dumped on her a$$ multiple times), she will hopefully realize the error of her ways. I think it is natural to want to be accepted, and not rejected. She clearly has an issue with her self esteem as well, which is why she beats up on others to make herself feel better.

If people didn't want to be around me, I would change the way I am. You can be true to yourself, but to a point, you need to realize the impact you are having on the people around you.

What a fun conversation (sorry OP). This is the ultimate gray area of relationships in general. If you transfer to a new school (we are both older than this but the example fits) and people think you dress and talk in an odd manner, would you change that? Someone who is anti-social rejects others before becoming rejected. In turn, they are rejected thus reinforcing their fears of rejection. Would you conform to any social situation in order to avoid rejection?

I think changing yourself for others is a slippery slope. You think you can be true to yourself but once you venture down that path I think it's easy to lose yourself.

I'm not really arguing with you, I promise. I'm just saying that you can't predict human behavior. Just because a certain set of conditions may force you to change doesn't mean it will work on someone else.

Maybe this girl will get her heart broken into pieces and apologize to all of the boys she hurt. Maybe she will do this for the rest of her life. I know in the case of my ex and myself we were both extremely stubborn. If there was pressure to change we dug in. Probably not healthy but we were both non-conformists.

Ok, my point now (and you can have the last word before we truly hijack this thread) is that it's too relative to determine what amount of conformity in human behavior is healthy. I'd say many of our artistic, musical, scientific etc. pioneers were truly non-conformists. Granted, many of them died depressed and lonely but they changed so many people in the process. In my opinion, you have sheep, shepherds, wolves and goats. (haha).

Just want to add. I definitely rub people the wrong way at first. I always have. All of my really good friends hated me when they first met me. Once they get to know me though we develop very close bonds. I have done a lot of introspection in my life and I think all of our personalities are built upon a house of cards. When you try to change something in your nature it effects everything else in your nature to some extent. This is JUST my humble anonymous opinion

You aren't responsible for what another does, only what you do about it.

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But my girlfriend saw it fit to get revenge on me and has cheated on me 5 times now.

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That's not healthy or good behavior and removing yourself from her life is the best solution. Should have been after the first time.

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We having been dating for 8 months now

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Mind boggling, how quickly, and deeply we fall so fast.

Thank you guys very much reading all this has really helped me. I have gone 8 months without anyone ever telling me "what you did was right" that's a reason why she walked over me so much I think. I am going to talk to someone tonight cause it has gone so long and my mom wants me to go talk to someone. But really you people have helped me out and I told her that I do not want to be with her any more and I am done with her controlling me and to have a good life and get whatever it is she must be after. Again thank you all