Okay, so recently a friend of mine and myself were discussing relationships and arguments. It came up about how certain arguments go and the best course of action in this scenario.

If you are arguing and your spouse brings up that they want to break up and thinks it would be better, should you convince them otherwise and try to reason with them OR should you simply agree with them and say "if that's what you think is best"

Two sides to this.

1. If you try to reason with them, does it really show you care or does is mean you're afraid to be without them.

2. If you agree with them and let them make their decision, does it mean you are giving up?

Personally, I think it's a double edged sword. If you pick one, you could have this used in future arguments as a weapon, but also with number two you could also anger them more and they think that you also want to break up.

I'd thought I'd toss this up to your guys on what you think

You picked a really sharp double edge sword.

Let me think about it for a while and get back to you.

Depends on my mindframe and my mood. Certain times, if my significant other would say breaking up is for the best, I agree, and immediately go to the bar and enjoy myself. Other times, I make a stand. It just really depends on how much you have invested in the relationship. I think that people that throw that line out at you, "Breaking up is for the best," deserve a swift ,"Well kiss my a$$" retort. Who knows... like you said, it is such a double edged sword.

It depends on my mood as well, when my ex fed me that line I agreed to it because she started all the crap after I was at the gym. I was in gym mode and didn't care, then she did it again the next day telling people it was over before she gave me the information.

Now if my fiancé says something along those lines, I try to make a stand and make sure it's what she really wants. Luckily my fiancé is mature and understand that relationships take commitment and there will be arguments and fights but communication helps solve those issues

If I ever had a significant other that would rather walk away then work through a problem, then I would let them walk...

If they came back, I would tell them that breaking up isn't the option for differences, it's the option for the end.

Too often if you play the things aren't working, we should break up game, it creates an on/off relationship and causes it to be a catalyst through disagreements.

One time charm, you never hear it again after that first fight, if you let them let the door hit them in the a$$ on the way out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

If I ever had a significant other that would rather walk away then work through a problem, then I would let them walk...

If they came back, I would tell them that breaking up isn't the option for differences, it's the option for the end.

Too often if you play the things aren't working, we should break up game, it creates an on/off relationship and causes it to be a catalyst through disagreements.

One time charm, you never hear it again after that first fight, if you let them let the door hit them in the a$$ on the way out.

---

Spoken like a true tiger...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Spoken like a true tiger...

---

And to think I thought you would take the opposite side just for arguments sake. :eek:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

And to think I thought you would take the opposite side just for arguments sake. :eek:

---

That is why us men tell the women: The less thinking, the better... :cool:

::Ducks and covers. Prays that KC makes it out alive::


Lil Wayne said it best "And if you leave, you're leaving the best. So you will have to settle for less"

I've had this done once in a previous relationship, while on the phone...

We had a date planned, life got in the way, work made me late and tired, and I was asking her to postpone it until the next day. This wasn't something I did commonly. Not a habit.

She responding with "i dont believe this! i f*in' hate you! maybe we shouldnt be dating!"... we had been dating for over four years at this point.

So my quick response was something like "you shouldnt throw the word "breakup" around casually"... and I said "i dont want this, but youve made yourself pretty clear" and hung up the phone... gathered myself and left the house. The phone was ringing as I walked out the door.

Went to the lake. Walked for a few hours. When I got back home she was crying on the front step.

Sad thing was if id took what she said to heart then, and really just walked, I wouldve saved myself so much more grief and a couple years of frustration... but then that was the big relationship... you know, the one where your head is so far up your arse you can't tell if its day or night? Like that.

Anyway... I'm more than willing to work through struggles. But if you pull back the hammer and put your finger on the trigger, I'm probably going to leave the room if you've told me to leave.

I just remember, I really think it is an immature relationship tool, that you go through in relationships while you are young. The get mad and say 'break up'.

I get upset now and sometimes have to talk myself around those words because it's isn't functional in a mature relationship and it surely doesn't resolve any conflicts.

I think it's just a matter of being upfront, both me and my partner have said we know where the door is, but if we are going to talk about the door, no sense talking about the relationship anymore.

Trying to reason with them. Being honest is important. Not to say okay leave, or trying to convince them to stay. They both can be counter productive. Sitting here on the fence.

I think it all depends on how it's approached. We do say things in the heat of the moment and it's our nature to says things that will cause pain to others. So if they say "I think we should break up" we sometimes agree because they hurt us, so let's try and hurt them back.

I agree with Justwantfair, it's an immature break up tool. I also find myself and my fiancé dancing around those words during an argument. Granted we both know we won't break up as we are better together than apart, but you still have that urge that "the easy way out" is staring at your face

I think when someone says, "I think we should break up" , sometimes what they are saying is "Do you want to break up?".

Insecurity. Couples should be able to handle an argument without the fear of a break up being the outcome of their voicing their opinions, unmet needs, etc.

If that question were thrown out there... I think the best answer is another question. Ask them "Why do you think breaking up is the answer?", and go from there.

Yep, a firm balance and understanding in communication and I believe any relationship problem can be handled.