Ok.. my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year. We have a 4 month old baby. He is 37 years old and I am 27 years old. When we first got together we had sex all the time. He neer had a problem getting or staying hard. Lately he has been having a problem staying hard while having sex. I feel like it's me, but he swears it isn't. He is the type of person to say one thing to not hurt feelings. I don't know what to do. Because it is starting to happen more often than not. He won't go see a dr because he says he is embarrassed. But its starting to make me feel bad about myself. What could it be?

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Originally Posted by sfailace143

Ok.. my boyfriend and i have been together for a little over a year. we have a 4 month old baby. He is 37 years old and i am 27 years old. When we first got together we had sex all the time. He neer had a problem getting or staying hard. Lately he has been having a problem staying hard while having sex. I feel like it's me, but he swears it isn't. He is the type of person to say one thing to not hurt feelings. I don't know what to do. Because it is starting to happen more often than not. He won't go see a dr because he says he is embarrassed. but its starting to make me feel bad about myself. What could it be?

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It's most likely not your fault. He might not even know what's hindering his performance. But it's probably has nothing to do with you. There are many other factors that can hinder a man's ability to stay hard. Stress, life changes, depression, lack of sleep, etc. Men can get post-partum depression also.

There are articles and books on the matter by qualified people. I believe Dr Ruth would have some in depth information. Have you tried googling or looking for books on the topic?

He NEEDS to see a doctor. Period.

There are enough dangerous medical issues that could be involved that it's not JUST your sex life he's messing with if he doesn't get checked out.

And believe me---the doctor has heard it all. If he's too embarrassed to talk about his sex life, he doesn't deserve to have one.

nobody can accurately diagnose him here.

and medical providers didn't go through years of training just to say "i sure hope my patients withhold medical conditions they need help with"... if he is uneasy, have him simply ask his provider for a referral to a urologist concerning ED. Seeing a specialist who deal with this might put him at ease some...

as for causes... all kinds of 'em...

having the newborn in the house can cause stress and anxiety. No matter how much he might love the little leaky bag (take no offense, that was the joke my wife and I shared... that little babbies are just leaky bags that you're constantly cleaning up after) it honestly does take a physical and emotional toll. Its just the truth.

how is his diet? Does he exercise? Studies have shown that regular exercise alone can help some men with libido/ED issues. Is he fit? Any health issues?

money concerns? Job stress?

does he smoke? Drink? Any meds?

do you have any privacy, ever? Any real alone time when you can be focused, attentive, not rushed? Not listening for that noise from the babies room?

its soooo hard to find this time, especially early on. There were times when I wanted to call over my mother or a cousin and say "could you just walk the baby around the block for a couple of hours... or whatever" ;)

I actually had a similar problem when I married my wife. She had a daughter whose room was below ours, and I was constantly thinking "dont wake her up or upset her"... not exactly what I wanted to be thinking about... so we flipped rooms... the daughter got the bigger upstairs room, and we got the bedroom downstairs that offered more privacy during sex. Worked wonders.

so you're likely having a hard time connecting... and the mind has great control over the body. He can absolutely be aroused mentally, but distracted and frustrated physically.

and sometimes ED is tied to one thing... for ex, taking meds or high blood pressure or hormone imbalance... and sometimes it's the summation of a lot of little things... a little older, the arteries might lose a little elasticity, the stress of your new life, the lack of sleep, and on and on and on.

so... I hope he sees a specialist. He needs to understand that ED can be complex, and it isn't about labeling him as "broken"...

if you couldn't see out of your eye due to a cataract, you'd see a doctor. If you were having slight fainting spells, you'd get checked out. He should too.

also... if he is having problems with lasting power... what about oral on you to completion? Can he get you there? Then intercourse for him? It isn't a long term solution, but it might get you both a few "wins", which can ease some of the performance anxiety, perhaps?

and then there's sensual touch. Physical contact without the intent of pushing it to sex. An evening massage is a great way to get my lover relaxed, doesn't take long, and connects me to her skin on skin. You can do the same for him. Whether sex comes into play doesn't matter.

love my son, but my wife didn't call him daddys little *&^k blocker for nothing. It is tough to find real time to be connected and attentive when you have no real privacy.

that doesn't mean he gets to just throw up his hands and say "im sorry. im frustrated too"...

Your Bfs erectile dysfunction could be caused by high blood pressure,so he does need to see a doctor to rule that out.
Untreated hypertension can be dangerous.
I am providing a link that further explains the relationship between high blood pressure and erectile dysfunction.
Erectile dysfunction and high blood pressure - WebMD

The first thing that struck me is that you've been together just over a year and have a 4 month old baby. That means that most of your relationship has consisted of you either being pregnant or having just birthed.

I suspect that your body has changed, and your responses too over the period of the pregnancy and the birth. He may just behaving trouble adjusting to all the changes - new woman, new baby, new responsibilities.

In any case, there are probably any number of reasons he can't keep hard. Other posters have suggested various reasons and recommended seeing a doctor, and I agree.

Yes, it's embarrassing, but it's vital for his self esteem and your relationship that he do so.

"It's too embarrassing"??

Does the threat of no sexual function at all scare him?

He may have a real medical condition! Or it could be psychological.

HE NEEDS TO SEE A DOCTOR.

He's too embarrassed? How embarrassing would laying in a coffin be because he wouldn't talk to a doctor. It might be nothing more than stress, but it also might be early symptoms of a serious medical condition that in its early stages would be easily treated before any damage is done.

Simply he needs to get over it and see the doctor. If not for himself, then for you and his kid.

Erectile dysfunction... take into consideration his age. He needs to see a doctor if he wants his jewels to work right.