Long story short..
1. My ex and I broke up because she cheated on me. She was dating someone else.
2. She broke up with the other guy, because she felt guilty and didn't want to play that 'game' anymore.
3. She is still friends with me and that other guy

My perspective- She is just keeping it safe with me and him, and maybe when the time comes to decide, she can pick as to whom she would like to go for and whom to dump completely.

My situation - I forgave her for what she did. I still talk to her like friends but sometimes when she behaves strange (which means that her airtime is going to the other guy), I get unsettled. e.g. I visited her town for business and I asked if she would like me to stay on the Saturday to hang out. She gave me lame excuses like she has to go to the gym, and then to the mall, and it might be too late, because in the evening she has plans to go out with her friends. Of course, I said.. never mind.. next time.

Question - Should I change the way I am interacting with her? Is the friendship zone a wrong place to be? Should I go NC with her?

Appreciate any feedback

What do you have to gain by keeping her in your life?

If you have to think for an extended period (say, 30 seconds), then you have the answer to your above question.

You and the other guy should let her alone. She is playing you both, and she knows you are both readily available at her convenience. Stop being available. Move on. She's not worth it.

I guess the only reason why I'm keeping her around is because she is a good person... apart from this one relationship damage she created, I can't remember anything else to blame her for.

Another thing is.. I am in a way addicted to her. She trusts me with a lot of her personal issues and values me as a friend.

Maybe its weird - But I feel that throwing her out of my life is a big decision.. should I do that?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by back_again_1

I am in a way addicted to her. She trusts me with a lot of her personal issues and values me as a friend.

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That sums it all up. Addiction to anything is not healthy. She is feeding your addiction by playing games with you. No contact is the only way to break the addiction.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by back_again_1

I guess the only reason why I m keeping her around is because she is a good person... apart from this one relationship damage she created, I can't remember anything else to blame her for.

Another thing is.. I am in a way addicted to her. She trusts me with a lot of her personal issues and values me as a friend.

Maybe its weird - But I feel that throwing her out of my life is a big decision.. should i do that??

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Well perhaps look at it another way before you make the decision.

You say that she values you as a friend, and trusts you with her personal issues. Ask yourself if you value her as a friend and trust her with your personal issues - do you? Friendship is about reciprocity - does she listen to you, hear about what's happening in your life and make time for you?

Or, are you just hanging around, being 'friend' until she changes her mind and chooses you as the preferred boyfriend?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well perhaps look at it another way before you make the decision.

Or, are you just hanging around, being 'friend' until she changes her mind and chooses you as the preferred boyfriend?

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It is possible that I have that at the back of my head.. I struggle with the thought though.. even if she chooses me as her 'preferred boyfriend', I am not sure if she is the one.. that incident can happen again..

How can you trust her again after she cheated on you? It's time to go into no contact.

If you still want to be friends with her one day, you have to wait until you are over her, which is after no contact.

Otherwise you will keep getting mixed feelings over her and you won't be able to move on. That's not fair to you.