My girlfriend of about 8 months only had 2 serious bf's before me. Both of them broke up with her. In between them she has had a knack of being promiscuous with guys and gals. Anyway, about 2 months after we were dating she told me she was going to get together with her ex for coffee; to get closure. I said fine. About 2 months later she cheated on me with a guy she doesn't even know (because she was drunk). I am surprised I stayed with her, but I felt bad for her. After that I became suspicious. One night I checked her phone (I know, crossing the line) but it turned out she was texting, and calling her 2 ex's. Her texts would read "do you miss me?", "do you ever think of me?" to which they would simply respond "no". So, I don't really know why they dumped her. I lied to her about an ex of mine texting me, and asked her if she had any contact with her ex's which she was evasive about. Then, one night she was over and I was using her laptop, and was closing open windows when a letter from her former best friend came up. I saw my name, and read some of it in which her friend told her it wasn't fair to me for her contacting her ex's. WHatever that meant, I confronted her, and she just got mad that I read it (rightfully so). So, I guess the games had begun. Finally, she told me one night about dreams she'd been having about her first ex (non-sexual), but a dream is a dream. She said she bought a bus ticket to where he was going to college and was going to drop everything (work, school) to go there and find out why she was having the dreams. I told her it sounded crazy but wasn't going to stop her. The next day she said she changed her mind. Now, is she just emotionally unfaithful, insecure or I am just crazy?

She's emotionally and physically unfaithful (the drunk one night stand).

She is insecure and very needy of male attention.

No, you're not the one who sounds crazy.

Your relationship is lacking in so many areas--trust, communication, love?

The first red flag is when after two months of dating her, she felt the need to meet with an ex for closure.

She is not ready for a mature relationship with anyone.

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Now, is she just emotionally unfaithful, insecure or I am just crazy?

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All of the above, as you have seen enough red flags with this female, to realize you'll never figure her out.

You're the one with low self esteem. You should never put up with cheating, and she's not even a top of the line cheater given every other thing she is doing to you.

Dump her and then build up your confidence so you don't put up with this BS in the future. You deserve better and you know it.

Its funny you asked how the other 2 guys left her after she cheated on you, being unfaithful. Obviously she is still hung up with her exes. She is unstable, doesn't know what she wants. I think its time to let this one go.

Her ex's obviously know she's crazy and that's why they left her and when she texts them do you miss me, they reply no. I say you leave her too.. this all sounds like so much drama

There is some great advice. I should leave her, but I have this co-dependent side that feels bad for her.

You need to seek counseling, this co-dependent personality is not healthy. She is a lying and cheating abuser and you deserve better.

Your co dependent side is leading you to some bad decisions, and is a problem to address by you, without her influence.

You feel bad for her...

For disrespecting you?
For cheating on you?
For chasing her ex-boyfriends that don't want her back?

Codependency & Recovery from codependent relationships

You have officially been linked, please find help for yourself because I feel bad for you.

I feel bad for people that are losing their jobs and homes. I feel bad for all the people that got scheme out of their life saving. I feel bad for the families that lost a family member because someone decided to drink drunk. But I don't feel bad for your girlfriend. I sort of feel sad for you because you sticking by someone that isn't worth and who will continue to lie and cheat on you and have you playing the role of inspector gadget because you can't trust her.

How can you continue to go on like this? How many more times does your girlfriend have to cheat on you before you leave? Your causing your ownself pain. You can't change who she is you can only change and control yourself. This relationship is totally unhealthy and for your own sanity you need to leave.

If your girlfriend needs and wants help then she needs to go to a see a professional certified therapist but your not one. It wouldn't hurt if you go to se one so you won't put yourself in this situation again.

Let go of this poison and work on you because you deserve better.

Like I said, I appreciate some of the advice. But some of your comments are rude. We all make mistakes. There IS a reason why all of you are on this site as well. Glass houses.

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Originally Posted by cyababy321

like i said, i appreciate some of the advice. but some of your comments are rude. we all make mistakes. there IS a reason why all of you are on this site as well. glass houses.

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I don't think anyone's intention is to be rude.

It's a tough love of sorts, we aren't emotionally involved, so we tend to be a lot more blunt.

Take the information that helps and hold it close. If you find information that isn't helpful, disregard it.

The first step is you, you can't love someone else, when you don't love yourself.

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Originally Posted by cyababy321

like i said, i appreciate some of the advice. but some of your comments are rude. we all make mistakes. there IS a reason why all of you are on this site as well. glass houses.

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Even though I don't think this was directed at me (for once, seriously can you believe it!! )Nobody here has been rude to you. If you want to be in adult relationship and get adult advice for it, sometimes it means looking at yourself because most of the time that's where the problem lies. You've got a problem and every response I've seen has been about assisting you with it. Don't try to play the game that others are at fault for your short comings because nobody here is going to go along with it. This is a solutions based advice and sometimes that means we put reality out there for you. We aren't you family and friends sugar coating a problem to make you feel better while not addressing the issue, we attempt to provide you with responses that equal results. You can hide behind "people are rude to me" or you address the problem. But you aren't fooling anybody here with some line you usually use to mask the real issue.

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Originally Posted by cyababy321

like i said, i appreciate some of the advice. but some of your comments are rude. we all make mistakes. there IS a reason why all of you are on this site as well. glass houses.

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I'm on this site because my ex broke up with me a week before Christmas, originally claiming my jealousy as the main cause, which I will admit, needed to be worked on but within a few days she was hooking up with another guy, the same guy for months she told me "you don't have to worry about him, he's a friend" I then went through No contact because of this site and found myself in a great relationship. I have stayed on because I feel I can be of some help with the advice on life experiences I have been through. The pages of "greenies" on my profile also suggest I have some good advice.

We are an online community, if you don't like the advice, simply don't take it. I won't be offended, but also won't be surprised when I see you back on her about your girlfriend sleeping with another guy, again.

is she emotionall unfaithful, or just low self-esteem

Why do you have to choose?

You aren't ever going to be able to trust her. You don't stay with someone because you feel bad for them. Well, YOU did... (ive done as dumb, if not dumber things too for a relationship)... but you shouldn't and you know it.

She needs constant validation and attention that I just wouldn't be able to give. Seriously... find someone else who is grounded and knows herself and you are going to wonder why in the world you even considered staying.

Well... a lot of times we stay because we are impatient. Want that next person to be in front of us. Don't want that alone time. The comfort-with-noise seems better than not knowing if you will find another person in two weeks or two years.

Annnnd... yes, there is a lot of tough love here. We talk to you like you are a buddy who has his head up his arse... not a lot of soft gloves used. Sorry.

Don't assume everybody is here because they are in bad relationships. I came here for plumbing advice. Stayed for the relationship and sex talk.

The plumbing advice had nothing to do with sex talk, by the way. ;)

So... sorry you're a bit put off. We don't have a lot of time to sweet talk you into a better place AND many times we've made the same mistakes you are making...

Its hard not to say "you are being an idiot!" when I've done a similar thing and my long term perspective was "hey! i was a flipping idiot!!! whythehell didnt ANYBODY have the pair to tell me?!?"

Yeah, breaking g up is hard to do. Having compassion for someone isn't foolish. I've been a fool at times, but I think most of you just give the same answers to everyone:
You've got to love yourself before you can love another
Absolutely NC
Once a cheater always a cheater.
Things aren't that black and white-a story always has two sides. I feel bad for her because she has such low self esteem that she needs to seek acceptance from all angles. Who knows what has happened in her life to make her like this. It is not always a choice. We, as human beings who interact with each other daily, do things that affect others. I am not excusing her behavior, nor am I looking for a reason to stay with her. However, I do have the ability to put myself in another's shoes from time to time (i.e. empathy and compassion). In my life I have seen divorced couples re-marry after years, I have seen guys win back their ex's, I have seen women fight for their man's love. Life is romantic, not nearly as scientific as "NC" or "start exercising or find a hobby". I am a musician, and some of my best work has come out of a broken heart; as with so many other artists. I worry about some of you who claim to be such experts; I am quite sure you don't mean any harm, but the road to destruction is paved with good intentions. Plus, I think the ego-stroking is probably attractive.
I have already parted ways with this gal; did so a month ago. I was merely curious as to what others thought was the root of her issues. Because as wrong as she may be for me, it is impossible to share so much with another without feeling love-real love. Anyhow, take it easy on some of these heartbroken souls; brutal honesty is just that-brutal.

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brutal honesty is just that-brutal.

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Don't leave out the honest part. That's the reality of life. It can be brutal, but what matters is how you deal with that reality.