I have a really complicated situation, and most people will say "run for hills" once they read this. However, I'm going to ask it anyway. I met this guy at my son's school, he's a teacher there. Well, long story short, we seemed to hit it off. Nothing ever happened, but I fell for him hard. We seem to have a lot in common, so much its scary. After I realized this, I decided to ask him out since he never made the move. He always was really excited to see me, but seemed a little shy. That is when it got complicated. When I asked him out, he said that he was married. He never wore a ring, and always openly flirted with me, so I never even considered it. Well, although it was hard, I told him that we should keep it as just talking when I picked my son up from school.

As you might have guessed, he wanted more, but I said no and stood my ground. I didn't see him after that year was over for a year due to me having a different job and my son rode the bus. A year and a half later, I began picking my son up again. He was still there, and so were my feelings for him. He was excited about seeing me again, and asked if he could call me, as friends. I, also was excited, and told him yes. He began texting me, where he told me that he had not been able to get me out of his head. I learned that he was not happy in his marriage, but they were together so long he didn't want to ask for divorce.

We were only talking through texting and at the school, but I seem to fall harder for him. We have so much in common that its hard to not see myself with this guy. Well, the texting turned to dirty talking, and now I notice that is the only time he wants to text me or call me. If I suggest talking dirty, he instantly replies to my text. However, when I go to the school he is always so sweet, and friendly, and genuinely acts upset if I don't talk to him. As if, I hurt his feelings. When I ask him about his feelings for me, he just says that he's not single, and he wants to be my friend for right now.

Is he using me for the attention that he's not getting at home or does he really like me?

Of course this affair could end up getting him fired. But at the end of the day he is married, you stop texting, stop talking to him and start looking for someone not married

Yes he is using you for the attention, and you are too. He is married! You are involving yourself with someone else's husband. He is cheating on his wife. The little excuse for not getting divorced because they have been together so long is lame! That's a clue right there. In other words, he is telling you he will stay married and continue cheating on his wife. Where can that relationship go? Nowhere. Im sure his wife would really appreciate what you are doing. This can only get worse, for both of you. Leave it go, he probably has done this before and will continue to after you. The only thing special about you to him is that you are willing to be his side project. Find yourself someone more respectful of women and marriage.

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Is he using me for the attention that he's not getting at home or does he really like me?

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YES!!

The bigger question is why you allow yourself to fall for a married guy? Even better question can't you see that the friends stuff was just a way to get close to you? Friends?? That's a joke.

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We have so much in common that its hard to not see myself with this guy.

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Oh come on, he keeps telling you friends for now, so you can slowly give him what he is really after... some side nookie. Your running head first into a brick wall.

I think the worse part, is your disregard for your son, whose school he works at.

Please put a stop to this lunatic behavior as you aren't a dumb school girl any more. Its not under your control who you fall for, but it is your responsibility what you do about it, and so far... you aren't handling yourself very well.

What I have never really understood, and it might be because I haven't stood in a situation like this, is why some people want someone who is unavailable. Say he had been willing to get a divorce and leave his wife for you at some point (WHICH he has made clear that HE WILL NOT DO! ) why would you want him? He has a wife in all this. This is her husband... and say he had been willing to leave her for you.. wouldn't you be worried that he is a little untrustworthy? He obviously doesn't respect the vows he has made to her, why would he keep one for you or anyone else...

1. he is married, i.e. = unavailable. And what about his wife?

2. He has made it perfectly clear that he will not divorce his wife and he had a lame excuse for it. If he had said; I love her too much... fine that's viable, but we've been married for so long?

3. He is a teacher at your sons school. Have you thought about him in all this. What if you had a physical affair and not just a mental, emotional, verbal one (or what you may call it... ) and what if this should be known to others , other then the two of you.

4. He is using you for the attention, and like someone already said; I think you are using him for the attention as well.

5. Like Tal said; you can't help who you fall for. But you can control your actions and what you do about it.

6. as for acting genuinely upset if you don't talk to him: what is that all about, he doesn't have the right to act upset. He is your sons teacher... and you are a person he has an inappropriate relationship with... nothing more. He might say that your friends, but seriously he is after something other than friendship... he has proven that by talking dirty.

my advice would be the same as someone else has given: Leave him alone, don't call, text or talk to him. Don't answer calls or text from him. And find someone who is available and genuinely interested in you!

Best of luck!

Why is it that when someone is married and they start to venture outside their marriage the first thing they say is " I am unhappily married or my wife or husband treats me bad?". And end it with a "Oh I would never divorce him or her". Okay they can't leave but they can cheat. Makes no sense.

I think you did a foolish thing by keeping in contact with this guy when you knowingly knows he is married. Shame on you. I have had married guys hit on me but I tell them no and end it with a smart remark. I even went on a couple of dates with a married guy that was married but I didn't know until he confess he was and that was the end of that.

Right now your digging your own grave of misery and pain because these are the only things that will happen to you.

Today is a new day. You did wrong but you can always change turn that wrong into a right. So the question is when are you going wake up and smell the coffee and do the right thing?

BTW, you don' know what goes on in his household. So don't believe everything you hear. If you really wants to know what goes in his household you should call his wife and get her side of the story.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Why is it that when someone is married and they start to venture outside their marriage the first thing they say is " I am unhappily married or my wife or husband treats me bad?". And end it with a "Oh I would never divorce him or her". Okay they can't leave but they can cheat. Makes no sense.

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Had to spread the rep Liz: but that is such a good question and comment!

Run for the hills!

Everyone else has said it better than me, so I'll only say one thing.

You wrote into this forum because you were feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

You suspected that you might need to run for the hills.

Trust your intuition. Do it.

Well, heck, no room left for my opinion... it's true what they all say Angel... though this guy and you hit it off as far as commonalities, this guy is lying to you about his relationship with his wife. You would have run if he had said "Oh, we have a great relationship, I just want some extra on the side", so he comes up with a "poor me" excuse. He's a cheater... his excuse, oh we have been together too long to get a divorce... well, ummmm, I just filed for one after 24 years together... there's no time limit on unhappiness... he's lying and he's using you as the other woman... RUN!

I know several men that cheat on their wives. It is because the women wear the pants in their household, and in order for those men to feel masculine, they need to find a woman to dominate. The men are usually good at seeking out the women they believe won't make trouble.

You might be having personal struggles right now, but your son might use your behavior as an event that shapes his future choices. Will you be proud of what he learns from you?

If my husband was dirty texting with another woman, I would consider it cheating and bounce him so fast his head would spin. This is not only cheating but it's cheap and dirty cheating...

He sounds like a class A CREEP. A total loser and to think a teacher is doing this with a parent of a student while married. COMPLETE YUCK.

You are better than this.Please think about it and hold people up to higher standards than this. This guy is a total ICK.