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-   -   Is that a reason to break up? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=348397)

  • May 1, 2009, 10:49 AM
    Elena1980
    Is that a reason to break up?
    Hi, please help me. I need to hear independent opinion. My boyfriend and I been together for almost 2 years. I never had reasons not to trust him. However, I know he cheated in his previous relationships. Friday night, my best friend came over, we talked about relationship in general and if its bad to go have dinner with your ex or guys, who just friends. Next day, my boyfriend was yelling at me, when I asked him "are you working tomorrow?" He was accusing me, that I asked him, cause I want to set smth up with my ex... or go on a date with smbdy, while he will work. I was in shock, because this is what I talked to my friend about. I had suspicious before about them might be talking. So I asked my boyfriend to show me his cell. I never done that, never even had interest in it, never had doubts in him... he calls me 100 times a day, tells about everything he does. He got all shady, took cell out of his jacket and started to click buttons. I asked him if he erasing smth and can I just look at cell phone? He let me look at it, while holding tight in his hand. I pressed "call log" button and it was empty. He was mumbling and kind of swallowing words. Then I started to remember, that he always leave his phone in the car, when he is over at my house. Or if he brings it in, he turns it off and it password protected. Or he goes to the bathroom with it, he sleeps with it and one time, during sex I reached to his cell to look at the time (we were in a rush to get to the movies), he jumped through the bed, ripped his cellphone out of my hand and walked to another room. I'd been asking him 2 questions for 3 days:why he erased call log and why his behavior about cell is so weird. He can't answer that. He only says he erases call log frequently and that I am paranoid and there is nothing. But he can't answer questions anyway. He accuses me in got knows what... I guess, best defense , is attack. After 3 days, I said I lost my trust and I can't let it go... its been a week. I broke up with him.
    Did I overreact? Did he do smth wrong? Does his behavior mean smth? If there is nothing, then why he can't just say so and give me legit explanation? I am so angry at him and upset... I don't know did he really cheat, but he is hiding smth.
  • May 1, 2009, 10:56 AM
    sabrewolfe
    He's acting very suspicious. He shouldn't have to hide anything from you if there is no reason to. I don't think you overreacted. If he has to hide things from you, that's a good indicator he isn't honest.
  • May 1, 2009, 11:02 AM
    liz28

    People get defensive when their lying. Also, even through words are coming out their mouth their body language tells a tale on it own.

    Play attention your instincts because they never steer you wrong.

    Your boyfriend actions shows that he is up to no good and the red flags are screaming at you so listen.

    Don't let nobody make a fool out of you.

    Btw, your so called friend isn't a friend at all if she is going behind your back talking to your boyfriend and throwing dirt on your name. Who knows what she is telling or what they are talking about for that matter.

    I vote you get rid of them both because you don't need him or her. I see sakes! I would give them both a piece of my mind before I make my grand exit.
  • May 1, 2009, 11:06 AM
    I wish

    I think that there is a huge breach of trust in this relationship. You don't even have to think about his past, look at his present. Obviously he has something to hide or else he wouldn't have acted that way.

    I don't think you need to figure out what he's hiding anymore. What you need to figure out is whether you can still trust him as your boyfriend?

    He is really suspicious and he can't even explain himself properly, then I don't see how you can trust him.
  • May 1, 2009, 11:16 AM
    pathisfer
    I think knowing that he has not been monogomous in past relationships is a pretty good reason not to trust him, especially when he is currently displaying behavior that would suggest he is not any different in your relationship. You clearly don't trust him, with good reason, and relationships without trust either don't work or they are completely miserable to be in. Yes, he's hiding something and if you want to be someone's girlfriend and not their 'detective', I would find another relationship.
  • May 1, 2009, 11:24 AM
    cheriecalgary
    I have a motto:

    If you can't do it in front of your spouse / partner... You shouldn't be doing it at ALL.

    If he's sneaky, and acting suspicious... he is hiding something. Good for you for dumping him. Take it from someone who's been around a while... if you suspect something, it's probably true.

    Take care! And don't let him back in. He is a serial cheater.
  • May 1, 2009, 11:51 AM
    Romefalls19

    I kind of disagree with you Cherie, I have personal stuff that my fiancé doesn't look at. It's not hidden from her but she knows it would be a huge invasion if she asked to read what I write in a book(I like to write my feelings out, I'm a good writer) or waited until I left for work and read them.

    To the OP, no you didn't over react, he was acting beyond shady and you had every right to question his motives and actions.
  • May 1, 2009, 12:51 PM
    talaniman

    I think you did the only thing you could, and just need to follow up by disappearing from his life. Why even bother with his crap?
  • May 1, 2009, 07:53 PM
    Janmarie

    If you didn't feel right about his actions then you did the only thing you could do. We have this amazing thing called "gut instincts." Sometimes we can feel an uncomfortable feeling within ourselves, and that feeling is there telling us that something isn't right.

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