My husband and I just divorced and now I found myself in another relationship. I love this man and he is good to me, but he doesn't have any get up and go about himself. I and very angry with myself about getting involved with him. I have lost everything and now I am trying to start over. The only thing is that this new man doesn't make me feel like he love me. We are strapped for money and he's not working and the little money he gives me is only for gas. Now we are about to move and I have no money to move and he really isn't trying to help. I do love him but I don't think that he is the one for me. On top of that I have just received a letter from a ex boyfriend. I don't think that any thing will come of that but he said that he was always thinking about me. I do think of him but there is an wife. I told him that I wasn't going to cross that line. No matter what. I don't want to be with this man and I don't know what to do. His family is so nice and cares for me a lot. I don't want to hurt him he has been hurt enough. I just don't feel like I did when we first stated seeing each other. I think that he is a person that have never had anything and he is a free loader. I don't know what to do. I talk to him he sit there like a little child in trouble and doesn't say anything. How can I talk to someone who seems like they not on my level? What do I do?

you know you can't be with him as he is. If you cannot talk about the real issues in the relationship, there is no chance of a future. If you can talk about the issues in the relationship, even then, there's no guarantee.

I know you don't wish to hurt this guy, but it's the chance you always take when dating. Someone might get hurt. Even a good person. Even someone you might love on some level but just cannot be with.

its absolutely possible to love a person you cannot be with... who doesn't hold the things that you value or need with the same level of concern.

as for the married man... I don't even know what to say. Why is it an issue at all? He is married. So you think about him. Fine. Happens. But unless you are just looking for disaster after disaster... I wouldn't even go there.

you are probably feeling alone. Vulnerable. Or at least wish for some "normal"... the known... guess that means you are mortal, like the rest of us.

but now the comfort isn't enough to push back the concerns...

so...

you can do one of three things...

1) talk to him about your real concerns and see what he does
2) accept that you've tried talking and walk away
3) accept that he is who he is... if you choose to stay, you don't get to complain about what he is or isn't... sure... relationships are dynamic and require some quid pro quo, give and take, but consider this a pre-existing condition that you know about... if you choose to stay you choose to stay, you understand that you must find some peace with the situation.

I don't see how you can stay.

certainly you don't sacrifice yourself to keep from hurting another persons feelings when it comes to long term commitment.

so...

you don't talk about the divorce and issues in that relationship... what happened? What baggage is there? What issues from his side? Your side?

Why are you staying with a freeloader and then your turning around getting a place with him? This is a disease in the making.

It time for you to view him for what he is and do the sensible thing. You shouldn't be struggling to pay the bills while he just sit on his a$$. If he wanted to work he would be and would work at McDonald's if he has to.

He has no pride and your going end up in debt if you stay with him. Think about it and play attention to the red flags and sat love aside. Love don't pay the bills.

Btw, I am glad that you didn't go out and did something foolish with your ex because he has a friend. But having another guy in your life isn't the solution, cheating never is. Leaving is your solution. You don't need a man and shouldn't settle for anything less when you do have one.