Okay, so my boyfriend of almost a year and a half told me that we talk on the phone too much. We are very much in love and plan to get married soon. We have been in a long-distance relationship (9 hours away) for about 9 months now. We see each other about once every month or so, but only for about one night, sometimes two. I don't have a lot of friends in the place that I moved to, so I do call him often, but he's my boyfriend and my best friend. He told me he would rather text me and call me every once in a while. After I told him that that's more of a friendship, he immediately changes his mind and says oh I didn't mean it like that. He keeps changing his words around, and changing his mind about the whole situation. Then he says he only said it because I was mad that he wanted to hang out with his friends instead of talking to me. Which I understand, I can be needy sometimes. I can't seem to quit thinking about it, and I'm even afraid to call him, because I don't want him to get annoyed with me, it's becoming quite stressful to me. What should I do?:confused:

Don't Call Him. Ive been in a long-distance relationship for 2years now. I was like you before. Of course you miss him and he misses you! But he probably feeling overwhelmed with you calling him all the time. Give him some space and wait for him to call you. You have being to available, make him miss you some more. Also a bonus with doing this is you guys will have more to talk about!

I was in a long distance relationship before. The trick is to schedule fixed time to call.

For example, every Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 10pm.

If you want to talk spontaneously, just keep the conversation shorter, cause he might have plans and you can't expect him to drop what he's doing and talk for 1 or 2 hours.

The most important, talk it out with him. Make sure that you can come up with a plan that both of you can agree on. Both of you need to compromise.

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Originally Posted by Mary99

Don't Call Him.! Ive been in a long-distance relationship for 2years now. I was like you before. Of course you miss him and he misses you! But he probably feeling overwhelmed with you calling him all the time. Give him some space and wait for him to call you. You have being to available, make him miss you some more. Also a bonus with doing this is you guys will have more to talk about!!

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Thanks for the advice! I told him that I wasn't going to call him anymore if he felt that way and he said "no, don't do that. It's not that we talk too much, it's that we talk at the wrong times" like he doesn't want to talk while he's working (he's a pizza delivery boy) which I understand, and he said he doesn't want to talk as much when he's with his friends or if he's running errands or just busy in general. If I had known he felt this way, I would have backed off, but he waited 2 months to finally say it. I'm going to avoid calling him, but the problem is, I'll just sit here and wait and wait for him to call me! It will drive me crazy...

Don't wait and wait and wait!! Go out and have fun and do stuff. It sounds like he is a lot more busy than you are. So for now you will have to wait for when he has any free time to talk. Now is time to focus more on yourself. Do some hobbies you like, join some clubs. I don't know but enjoy this freedom

It's important that you build your own life so that you don't have to rely on him for friendship. In any case, if you start to build some new interests you'll have lots of interesting things to talk to him about, and you'll be more fun.

I've been in a long distance relationship as well, and the thing guys hate the most are girls who are needy. The suggestion about setting times to talk is excellent - then you don't have to sit around waiting - you'll know what times you'll talk and for how long. Long distance relationships are really really hard to maintain, particularly when one person is feeling anxious and insecure, like you are.

You've only known each other SUCH a short time and half of that has been long distance. Give yourselves time to get to know each other and live some life before you get married. Take it slowly, get a job (even if it's part time), get involved in your community -when you feel that you're doing something worthwhile with you life you won't feel so anxious and insecure.

Don't make him the focus of you life - make you the focus, and you'll be a lot happier.

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Originally Posted by bummed221

Thanks for the advice! I told him that I wasn't going to call him anymore if he felt that way and he said "no, don't do that. It's not that we talk too much, it's that we talk at the wrong times" like he doesn't want to talk while he's working (he's a pizza delivery boy) which I understand, and he said he doesn't want to talk as much when he's with his friends or if he's running errands or just busy in general. If I had known he felt this way, I would have backed off, but he waited 2 months to finally say it. I'm going to avoid calling him, but the problem is, I'll just sit here and wait and wait for him to call me! it will drive me crazy...

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It sounds like you are connected by an umbilical cord :)

I have seen girls with my sons and they will talk about anything just for the sake of that connection. And want to do it MOST of the time they are awake.

That's boring to a guy,heck, its boring to anyone.

"I just had an ice cream,I am going to watch tv in a min,its cold out",you get the drift.

As has been suggested,don't sit around,that is most likely part of the problem,you are not doing other things.

Go out and meet some new people.Join a gym,take a yoga class or volunteer,it's a great way to meet new people.

You must have your own separate life and identity without your boyfriend. That is so important for a healthy relationship.

The fact that he waited two months to tell you shows he cares but he has been patient so you should respect his wishes.

My es was the same way calling me every couple of hours and then she would expect me to talk to her right before we went to bed, Naturally we didn't have a lot to talk about at the end of night.That had to be one of the most annoying habits of my ex.

You need some girlfriends to talk to.

A healthy relationship is to have time away from one another. Sure when I'm away from my fiancé, I miss her but I also know it's important to have alone time. I sometimes will go out for a jog or even playing video games by myself. If you make that one person your whole life, you lose yourself in the mix.

You need to let him call you sometimes instead of you doing all the calling.

You don't need to talk to him every minute out of the day because is being needy. If you keep going down this road the result will be "co-dependency" on your part.

Your young so take his lead by going out to have fun. Your whole life couldn't be talking to him. This shouldn't be the highlight of your day. Time for you get a social life like everyone advised you to do.

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Originally Posted by liz28

Your young so take his lead by going out to have fun. Your whole life couldn't be talking to him. This shouldn't be the highlight of your day. Time for you get a social life like everyone advised you to do.

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I have a social life, it's just that most of the people I've met in the short time I've lived here, are either married or have kids or both. But when I do try to go out dancing with my girlfriends, he gets mad because he thinks I'm going to get hit on and blah blah blah. I mean, he goes to parties where there are girls and gets drunk, I think that's worse than going dancing with friends...

Perhaps this may help?

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Perhaps this may help?

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

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Thank you for that! It made me feel a lot better:)

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Originally Posted by bummed221

I have a social life, it's just that most of the people I've met in the short time I've lived here, are either married or have kids or both. But when I do try to go out dancing with my girlfriends, he gets mad because he thinks I'm gonna get hit on and blah blah blah. I mean, he goes to parties where there are girls and gets drunk, I think that's worse than going dancing with friends...

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Hay sweetheart click on my signature song. You have to be true to yourself :)

Hi
I hve similar problem
Only this time he wants to talk all the time
And I get frustrated because I have other things to do too.
But we don't call... we 'IM' instead.
Sometimes I just felt... I'm losing my independence.