My 18 year daughter is a senior and weeks away from graduation. She currently is not in the relationship which her mother an I suspect is controlling at the least, or perhaps abusive at worst. This boy I am describing was her boyfriend from late last year through January of this year. When the relationship ended, the boy immediately called our daughter and claimed he had swallowed 20 pain pills and was killing himself. She was frantic and talked to him on the phone for hours. It turned out to be a lie, as many other statements he has made.

Four weeks ago, she had stopped by a previous boyfriends house to see him. When she came out of the house this latest boyfriend called her and told her he had vandalized her car. She immediately came home, only for us to find out that he immediately went over and started a fight with the boy she was seeing that night. He ended up going to the hospital for stitches.

Over the last year she has given up many of her friends, and has even not put her name in for Homecoming court because this boy "didn't want her being on the court with some other guy". She has even admitted in front of me, in talking with her Mom, that this boy made a threatening shoving gesture towards her one time when they were arguing. After that this boy and I had a talk and I asked him to refrain from contacting my daughter in any form.

Recently my daughter has begun texting and emailing this boy again, and has even been sneaking around to see him from time to time (yes I followed her on occasion to find out). I truly love my daughter, but I believe this behavior has gotten worse over the last year, and will continue to get worse if she goes back to him. He has never done more than vandalize her car that I have seen, even though as a parent I probably suspect far worse than is happening. How far should it go before I really become worried? How far should/can I let it go before we try to intervene?

She is off to college in the fall and he has not been accepted to the same college. Will that be enough pressure to keep them apart?

I don't want to lose my daughter...

Okay this hopefully could be a phase for your daughter because she is so young she is lusting after some guy who is keeping her on their toes I don't know why us girls are like this but the best of us go for the "hard man" type we love the trouble makers! It is a very good sign that she will be attending a different college here she will meet new people and grow up a little more so she will probably come to realise that she can do a lot better then this loser all by herself.

As far as following her and all that I am well aware that you are really concerned for her but if she finds out that you are doing this she will get mad and will refrain from telling you anything that is going on between them she will see it as an invasion of her privacy although you know you are doing it for her own good she will not see it like this!

I advise you to tell her you know that she is back in contact with him and you are not very comfortable with this explain that you are worried about his reactions towards her and you don't think she is safe when with him do not fly off the handle and have an argument show her you are concerned and when she realises this she may back off him for a while.

The good thing is I don't think this will be a long term thing especially when she will be away making new friends and getting on with her life soon its amazing how much she will change and mature in college.

I wish you the best of luck :)