Hey everyone,

This weekend, I took my boyfriend of two years up to my alma mater for Spring Fling (we both graduated from our respective colleges last year). We stayed my single friend Katie's apartment, whom I made out with a couple times during my junior year of college (she's the only girl I've ever kissed).

Aside from Katie, I am pretty conservative about my hook-ups. I have never had a one-night stand and can count the number of guys I've hooked up with on one hand. I am definitely not a lesbian and am only slightly bisexual because she's been the only girl I've ever been into making out with. And frankly, even though she is a beautiful girl, I'm not sexually attracted to her... I am just into hooking up with her because I trust her and it's risqué... something crazy to do when you're young, you know?

Before our trip, I told my boyfriend if the opportunity arises, I'd be totally fine with him, Katie, and I doing a threesome. Within the first couple of hours, my boyfriend, Katie, and I were doing a three-way make-out at a party.

If he would have kissed any other girl, I would have broken up with him on the spot, but for whatever reason, I wasn't jealous that he made out with Katie (probably because I know that he would never do anything that would jeopardize our relationship... he literally asked me 5 times before he kissed Katie)... In fact, we all thought that it was just a fun thing to do.

Once the weekend ended, my friend Katie said she wanted to visit my boyfriend and I. It's pretty clear that she wants a threesome and I'm totally up for it... I've always wanted to try it (just once, just to have the experience... I don't want to make it a habit).

My boyfriend and an I are hoping to marry someday, so is it weird that I'm totally fine with having a threesome with Katie? Is that unhealthy?

Well I use to have threesomes before and the one thing I learned was. You don't marry someone you had a threesome with. This weird jealous will set in always did for all the girls I had threesomes with.

Some couples are well enough to do the whole threesome thing. You both have to be on the same page-- have "rules" ; for example: no kissing the other person, no ejaculating on the other person, can't have sex with the other person unless you are present, etc.

--- It's damaged couples only because they were not on the same page, when "bad" feelings arose they kept quiet. Communication is a big key for swinging!

Be open with what you want out of this and set some ground rules. Follow them. Your taking this relationship to something that isn't considered "normal" so if you break the rules it would be considered cheating and not being loyal.

Another thing. Never, ever, say things like "he was better at ____ than you" or ask "do you think she's prettier than me?--do you like sex with her better than with me?"-- It doesn't matter you BOTH are enjoying the added person. You BOTH like sex better because of that one person.

It could work for you but it is a very very thin line.

Good luck to you,
Sarah

If you have the confidence and the desire,go for it.

The down side is ,he may fall for your friend,they may want to pursue the relationship without you.

You may find in the future if your sex life gets stale that you will find this type of behavior as an easy fix.

Odd that she is traveling to hook up with your both when it would seem she just wants to hook up with him.After all,she has had chances to be with you before ,has she gone to any great length to do so?
Food for thought.
Seems to me in a three way,someone is always left out of the loop.

Very true Art.

When it comes to a threesome you should not only have one "extra person" in mind-- they can become attachment.

Why not add a guy to the mix? If your willing to let your boyfriend have sex with another female he should be willing to let you have sex with other men as well.

If he gets angry for such a request then an "open" relationship isn't right for you.

I agree with Art when she says that there could be a chance that he falls for her. It's a possibility once you open that door.

Try also to have sex alone together and have the threesome experience as a treat. If he's refuses alone sex then that there is a red flag.


Sarah

Totally agree with artlady. This will NOT end well...she is interested in a threesome, but it will be a two-some with your boyfriend. If that happens, then what will you do? I hope you will think about it...

I don't think you really realize what you are in for and how you'll feel after it's happened. Few couples are actually able to handle this sort of thing and the ones that I know of that do this without harm to their relationship are usually in their 50's and have been married forever.
Once you've crossed this line, you can't really go back.

Okay, I first have to address when you said your "slightly bisexual", no such thing. I do understand that when your young you want to experience different things because I know I have and I don't have any regrets. Let just say that at the time you was bi-curious but all the two of you did was kissed.

On to Katie, I believe she does have hidden motives and might have took a liking to your boyfriend. Don't be blinded towards that fact.

I don't think there is nothing wrong with threesomes but know that sometimes 3 is a crowd and threesomes can go wrong. I had a few stories when the guy or the girl invited to bedroom start liking each other and when you invite another party into your bedroom your taking that risk.

I would be careful who you chose to invite in your bed especially someone that your close to and I am talking about Katie.

Let me ask you something on spring break did you asked her about the threesome? How did she interact with your boyfriend? Take time to reflect back on that weekend before answering the last question.

I'm more of a 4-some person... that way 2 couples can get together and there's not as much jealousy afterwards :)

Very few people can pull off a threesome in a good way.

It nearly always ends in heartache and recriminations.

All THREE of you have to sit down and talk about EVERY possilibity that might happen. You have to make RULES for every possibility. You have to ALL agree that as soon as ONE person is uncomfortable, then ALL of it stops.

For most people, talking about it, laying down the rules--they see that as a downer. If you think that it makes it scripted and less likely to happen, or whatever other excuse you have for not talking about it THOROUGHLY, then you're in for big trouble in the long run.

My advice is to just not do it. It is NEVER the same again later, and most people can never deal with it.

Hi Everythingmd

Threesome sound good to me as long as no one corsses each other's boundaries and have mutual respect. If you don't mind, please share me some romantic experience.

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the input. Just thought I'd answer a couple questions some of you had.

First, we want to do a threesome as a one time thing. Our sex life is great as is... We want to do it because we're young and because Katie is willing. If we don't end up having a threesome with her, we won't do it at all, and that'll be OK.

Second, this weekend was the first time Katie and my boyfriend met.

Third, I have known Katie for years and I know that my boyfriend is not the type of person she would want to date (you can be attracted to someone physically while knowing that you would never survive in a relationship together). Similarly, I know that Katie is not the type of person my boyfriend would ever fall for... They have totally incompatible personalities and are at totally different stages in their lives.

I guess the only thing I worry about is... Will having a threesome negatively affect Katie and I's friendship?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

Ever heard of opposites attract?

I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm not insinuating that it will happen but it is always a possibility and you need to keep that in mind.

If you two are good friends I think you can pull it off. However having it a "one time thing" I can really doubt that to happen-- once you let your boyfriend do that I could almost guarantee you that he'll be bugging for that opportunity again.

I would much rather have a threesome with a distant friend or a "stranger" than a good friend, only because there is a slight possibility that it will soil the relationship.

You yourself said that physical attraction is a possibility [but not a relationship]. Who's to say that they feel a great "connection" in the sack and want to do it again and again... leaving you on the sidelines.

That's my opinion.

Sarah

Quote:

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Originally Posted by everythingmd

Hey everyone,

Thanks for the input. Just thought I'd answer a couple questions some of you had.

First, we want to do a threesome as a one time thing. Our sex life is great as is... We want to do it because we're young and because Katie is willing. If we don't end up having a threesome with her, we won't do it at all, and that'll be ok.

Second, this weekend was the first time Katie and my boyfriend met.

Third, I have known Katie for years and I know that my boyfriend is not the type of person she would want to date (you can be attracted to someone physically while knowing that you would never survive in a relationship together). Similarly, I know that Katie is not the type of person my boyfriend would ever fall for... They have totally incompatible personalities and are at totally different stages in their lives.

I guess the only thing I worry about is... Will having a threesome negatively affect Katie and I's friendship?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

---

What didn't you get? We already gave you the advice.
Will this affect your friendship with Katie... yeah when she hooks up with your man,if she liked it that is.

Ever heard the saying two's company, three's a crowd?

The reason you're writing into this forum is because you've got concerns/doubts. Listen to your intuition - if you're even in the slightest bit worried about it, and the effect it will have on your friendship - don't do it.

Is it worth taking the risk?

Read Synnen's answer.

Good, bad, or ho-hum, this will change your relationship with both him and her FOREVER!

Read Synnen's answer.

Oh, and you might ought to read Synnen's answer.

Oh my gosh, I think that the replies here are too serious. It doesn't sound like you are risking your own personal relationship with your guy. Maybe your friendship will be different with Katie, but then again, maybe it won't. It depends on how you behave after the fact or make a huge deal out of the three-some experience. I would say get together and enjoy the moment... keep the lines of communication open foremost between yourself and your man, and have some fun with Katie. I really don't think that a 3-some is that life-changing of an experience if you all are mature people. Have a good time and treat the experience for what it is or was... pleasuring and experiencing each other during your time together. And move on. Anyhow, just my opinion. Don't mean to disrespect any of the previous responders.

No offense taken, janine9, but in these days when a casual romp in the sack can be fatal it's not that casual.

My boyfriend and I have had a couple three-somes over the years (we have been together for 8 years) and the one thing I've learned is. Never have a threesome with a very good friend. We have had threesomes with people we know yes but only one person that was my Quote Un Quote Best Friend and I totally regret it. Her, My boyfriend and I regularly saw each other around once every few monthsfor maybe almost two years. Everything had been going fine. Her and I always had a crush on each other but never made a move until that one day at our house. It had all been going so well up until around 8 months ago when she started texting him, sending provocative pictures of her and calling him. (now in my opinion my boyfriend is one of the few truly committed men I know because each time she would text him he would forward the text to me and call me and he would give me his cell phone just to show me times and dates of her texts.) she was asking him to come over (and not me ) and trying to break us up. My boyfriend said that she was not his type (she is a lot different then us in opinions, lifestyle, goals etc... ) and that she was horrible in bed to begin with. He said he couldn't understand why my best friend would try and go behind my back. The next day I called her up and asked her how she could do something like that (she was always saying *even in front of him* that she only fooled around with him because she wanted to fool around with me) of course she didn't say anything and hung up the phone. She stopped texting and calling him for a week then she started it up again while he was home sitting beside me. Without telling me who it was he flipped open his phone again, called her and explained to her that she never had a chance with him and that she should stay away from me and him perminantly and that he loved me more then anything in the world. Now we have a couples plan on our cellphone and the bill is under my name so I am the one who gets it. Each month we get our bill we sit down together and highlight the long distance calls etc to keep track of how much money we are spending and I noticed that since that day she has never called us again. Though she is now going around saying about him and I, insulting us, going around to our friends and saying she slept with my boyfriend and I didn't know it. And that she couldn't understand why I was mad at her and why I didn't beat her up. (personally I would never sink that low as to attack someone) Even the people we know tell her that it was pointless to try and be with my boyfriend because he loves me. Little did we know she was also with someone else and had a child with that guy and she was cheating on him with us (I don't agree with cheating) so I do agree there are lots of rules that are needed for threesomes. And yes they can ruin your life or at least an attempt on that could and possibly would be made. Be careful is what I have to say. Now our relationship has survived that horrible experience and we have not had another threesome since and we plan on keeping it that way. Marriage is in our near future and him and I both agree we don't need the bull that comes with things like that interfearing with our lives

If you totally fine and your man is totally fine and she is totally fine... DO IT! It can be soooooo much fun! I did that with my man and were fine today. We even try to make it happen again sometimes when we go out. But I always initiate it.

Just be prepared to watch your boyfriend doing some other girl that's not you... it can either be super arousing or completely devastating. Only you know yourself and how you'll react.