It all started like a story book romance, everything was perfect. Then we went to college, we both gained weight, and our stress levels skyrocketed due to the college life we weren't really prepared for. I've been taking antidepressants mainly for anxiety, but also for depression and anger management. I have noticed that my sex drive has plummeted. We used to have sex at least 4 times a week, now its like once a month. My sexual performance has also suffered. This is definitely a strain on the relationship. She has said that she doesn't know why we are together, yet at times she is upset that I haven't proposed to her yet. I noticed that I never make my own decisions, I always ask her, and I guess that kind of pisses her off. The last couple of years in general have been ty, so I don't know if our relationship has gone down hill because of external things or is it something else. We have also had periods of long distance relationships, which suck, don't do it. But I was being sneaky and I noticed that she visited a dating site, she doesn't know that I know, but I don't know her friends sometimes use the computer, I'm just so paranoid. We tend to bicker like old people at times. I also occasionally use drugs like marijuana, mushrooms, and some pharmaceuticals, When she found out I smoked weed she freaked. I love her very much but I even am beginning to question relationship. She thinks I'm too immature and I think she is too high strung, and at times, hypocritical. I don't know what I would do if we broke up, I am a little unstable as it is and I fear it might throw me overboard. But I guess I can't tell if we are together because we love one another or because it makes us feel "safe". I don't really expect anyone to have the complete answer, but some direction would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading this super long question!

First off STOP USING DRUGS... SERIOUSLY! As a kid they teach you that in school. Second... start doing stuff that she likes out the blue (surprise her). Third... lay everything on the line about what you been going through and thinking. Talk to her (about the past good times you guys have had) (Remind Her/Make Her Smile), start telling her you love her with all your heart and tell her no one is to blame for the mess in your relationship. Its clear you guys have grown apart, the thing is now you want to work at getting to know each other all over again. Trust me on this when I say... WHATEVER U DID TO GET HER U'LL NEED TO DO TO KEEP HER! Candies, flowers, movies, and especially compliments... all that good women so love from their guys. Cause if you not telling her good things, she's hearing it from some other dude. And I hope that's not the case. So good luck to you.

You said it best when you wrote " you are unstable". You should work on yourself by working on all the issues you have to overcome.

Being depression, having anger problems, and being parnoid are some red flags. You have a lot going on within you. You have to take care of you and I hope your not only taking meds but getting counseling as well.

Maybe the two of you are together because the two of you are waiting for the other person to call it quits.

Also, I hope you aren't doing drugs (weed and mushrooms). Mushrooms can make any person mad and I wonder if it is the cause for the problems you face now.

I really think, if anything, a break is needed so the both of you can work on the things you need to, especially you.

You always make decisions for yourself not her. Do what is best for you!! Talk to her about how you feel. If you question the love you have for her than it isn't love buddy. Love shouldn't be questionable.

Taking drugs as well as antidepressants is really really stupid. First thing to do is get your head clear.

No point at all making decisions if your brain is confused and you feel anxious and angry.

Drugs also affect your libido, so that's probably why you don't feel like sex.

I'd suggest you both need to back off a bit from each other - yes you do sound immature and she sounds highly strung. Why don't you focus on other activities - go out with friends, see a movie, eat out. Try and get some fresh air and a fresh perspective.

If you focus is less on each other and you're feeling healthier your mind and emotions will be clearer and you'll be in a better position to make a decision.

Time for some tough love. You need to man up and pull your thumb out of your a$$. You rely on all these pills and other illegal drugs to take stress off your life. This is LIFE. It doesn't get any easier, so first and foremost, learn to rely on yourself for the stability you need. Your question shouldn't have been, "Should I break up with my girlfriend of 4 years?" It should have been, "How do I become a man?"

I realize you are just in college, but give me a break. I have no sympathy for you. You choose to do all of this stupid, immature stuff, so you will deal with the consequences. To me, your girlfriend is the least of your concerns. Welcome to the real world man, and you ain't even hit it yet. Man up, get your priorities together and hit the ground running. You can make your life, or smoke your life, which would you prefer? Get rid of the drugs and focus on what is truly important and why you are in school to begin with.

Carry on... :cool:

Stop doing the drugs, and see if your life gets better. I was young once, and did the same things your doing now. It didn't work out very well, and almost ruined my whole life. Its fun at first, and makes you feel real good. But after a while every little thing that doesn't go your way will having you seeking that feel good, and you will accomplish nothing, and your relationship with normal people will go to shat.

Save yourself the misery, and pain, and learn to deal with the stresses of life, without the dope. Then you can make better decisions with a clear head on your shoulders.

Another thing I forgot to mention is that we are currently living with each other. We are also tied into another 1.5 years left on our lease.

Hmm so let me get this right.. things about YOU directly from your question.

1) Gained Weight
2) Increased Stress
3) Anti-Depressants for depression, anger, and anxiety
4) Low sex-drive, which leads to poor sexual performance
5) Never make your own decisions- always asking for her consent/opinion
6) Sneaky
7) Use drugs- Shrooms, marijuanna, and other misc rec drugs
8) Unstable
9) Don't know why you're REALLY together anymore.

First off man- take it from someone who REALLY partied in college- shrooms, E, smoked everyday, drank 4 nights a week... these things will severely mess you up, especially your relationship/coping skills/emotions/etc. marijuanna & alcohol alone will lower your testoserone levels which will then lower your sex drive, confidence, slow down your metabolism=gain weight, more prone to anxiety, and paranoi (sneaky). The list goes on to the negatives. But you can do that research on your own.. I always like to know how badly I was ruining my body emotionally/physically when I experimented :)

You DO have to make a decision.. either you want to work on improving yourself to imrpove your relationship AND grow up like she said, OR live the college life.. but don't expect to hold onto a girl who has her sh!t together unlike yourself. Relationships take a lot of work, A LOT, and without a clear head, confidence, and the ability to copy with your anger, anxiety, and depression.. it's making it that much harder. You have a lot of work to do, but I believe the relationship is second priority here- you are number one.

As much as I wish I could follow my own advice sometimes- the life we live is not about what happens to us, its about how we handle what happens to us. And in your case, your almost ASKING for the problems you currently have! STOP IT.

Thumper

Stop taking the drugs, the rest you can figure out with a clear head.

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Time for some tough love. You need to man up and pull your thumb out of your a$$. You rely on all these pills and other illegal drugs to take stress off of your life. This is LIFE. It doesn't get any easier, so first and foremost, learn to rely on yourself for the stability you need. Your question shouldn't have been, "Should I break up with my girlfriend of 4 years?" It should have been, "How do I become a man?"

I realize you are just in college, but give me a break. I have no sympathy for you. You choose to do all of this stupid, immature stuff, so you will deal with the consequences. To me, your girlfriend is the least of your concerns. Welcome to the real world man, and you ain't even hit it yet. Man up, get your priorities together and hit the ground running. You can make your life, or smoke your life, which would you prefer? Get rid of the drugs and focus on what is truly important and why you are in school to begin with.

Carry on...:cool:

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Sorry! I clicked on the wrong thing, I meant to agree, with T. Apologies!