Im an adult and my parents treats me like a little kid. They think I can't drive because I haven't had much experience as me and the tell me what to do... they repeat sutff so many times if I got a penny for every time I hear the same things ill be a millionaire right now. Now I wish I moved out and not living at home, although I can't because I'm still going to school and won't make it financially.

They expect me when I graduate, they can stop working and I can take care of them. How do I tell them I want to be out on my own and I am not planning to stay at home after I graduate... they do labour work and it is really hard on them and I don't know how much they can take but when I get a job I would like to spend it on myself. I don't mean to be selfish its just I'm finally making my own money, I know they gave me life and I'm grateful for it but I am not going to be their little boy anymore.

What should I do guys?

I think you should sit down and have an open and honest discussion with them about how you feel.

Let me see I am over 50 and my mom who is almost 90 still tells me what I should be doing.

It never stops,

It is worst since you chose to live at home, their home, their rules, you take it or move out

Why do you say that they expect to be able to quit work, and you will take care of them after you graduate.

Are there cultural issues at play here?

Like Chuck said, as an adult, you have the option of moving out. Get a part time job, and a room in a house with other students. Apply for aid or assistance with housing from the school you are going to.

You have options.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Why do you say that they expect to be able to quit work, and you will take care of them after you graduate.

Are there cultural issues at play here?

Like Chuck said, as an adult, you have the option of moving out. Get a part time job, and a room in a house with other students. Apply for aid or assistance with housing from the school you are going to.

You have options.

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Yah but I'm choosing to stay at home so I won't be in a huge debt afterwards but yah you guys are right, I'm living under their house and it's their rules.

I don't think there's any cultural issues. Its just their not really wealthy and their getting old and by the time I graduate I don't think they will be able to work anymore and they need people to support them financially.

At the same time, I want to have my own place and be out on my own so there is kind of a dilenma there. I guess I can do that and support them at the same time but I have to repay all my loans, a car to get to work and all.

I also have to help them save up for my sister's tuition fee when she goes to post secondary and I don't think I can manage all of that.

I'm wondering if you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself over events that might not happen.

Once you graduate, there is no guarantee that you're going to land a well paying job. You'll be lucky to start at a company for a decent wage that will see you through payday to payday, but to include paying your parents and paying to save tuition money for your sister seems a bit much.

It may be time, or soon, when you are finally on your own, you will have to snap everybody into a little financial reality check.

Be very clear just what your salary will do, and tell them in no uncertain terms that they are not to rely on you to suppliment their incomes. While that may be hard to do, especially if they are counting on that money, you are actuallly doing them a favour by not giving them false hope for the future.

If you are not able to support them, they have to think and plan for their own financial future.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I'm wondering if you aren't putting too much pressure on yourself over events that might not happen.

Once you graduate, there is no guarantee that you're going to land a well paying job. You'll be lucky to start at a company for a decent wage that will see you through payday to payday, but to include paying your parents and paying to save tuition money for your sister seems a bit much.

It may be time, or soon, when you are finally on your own, you will have to snap everybody into a little financial reality check.

Be very clear just what your salary will do, and tell them in no uncertain terms that they are not to rely on you to suppliment their incomes. While that may be hard to do, especially if they are counting on that money, you are actuallly doing them a favour by not giving them false hope for the future.

If you are not able to support them, they have to think and plan for their own financial future.

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Exactly, I don't think I will be making a lot right off the bat. There is nothing they can do to save up for the future or anything what they make now is just enough to get through the everyday life and soon they ll be too old to work. Its not I don't want to support them, its just I want to go out on my own. Its quite a dilenma actually. I need to sit down with them and talk about it.

If they are old enough to retire than they should be eligible for social security.

Also being a senior citizen will allow them the benefit of senior citizen housing that is on a sliding fee according to income.

It is unfair to ask you to be their sole support as that is just an enormous burden.

Certainly,there is nothing wrong with asking for help when they need it but they are asking you to sacrifice your life to support them.It is very unfair to you.

Look into programs for senior citizens and social security as well.

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Originally Posted by artlady

If they are old enough to retire than they should be eligible for social security.

Also being a senior citizen will allow them the benefit of senior citizen housing that is on a sliding fee according to income.

It is unfair to ask you to be their sole support as that is just an enormous burden.

Certainly,there is nothing wrong with asking for help when they need it but they are asking you to sacrifice your life to spuport them.It is very unfair to you.

Look into programs for senior citizens and social security as well.

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Yah that's how I see it. They are still a long way from retirement. They're like 50 right now but they have doing labour work since a long time and their bodies can't take it anymore. I don't want to put them in a retirement home either. Like I'm still in school and their talking to me about this already. Im not even in my twenties yet!!

It sounds like they want to see a payoff of all that they have invested, and not for your sake, but for theirs.

I agree with ArtLady. You need to provide them with information that helps them, not money.

When the time comes, visit your local Health Unit (I think you said you were in Canada), and that one place alone will have resources galore for seniors. There is even in-home care and assistance, meals on wheels, assisted, graduated living complexes, and subsidies that will ensure they have a very good quality of life.

Whatever care they will need, will be there for them.

50 is not old by the way, they could also check with their local help centre, employment office, government sponsored re-training etc. and find other jobs that are less physically demanding. I was just reading the other day about funding for education and retraining.

You need not carry that burden of supporting them, because it just simply doesn't have to be that way.

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

It sounds like they want to see a payoff of all that they have invested, and not for your sake, but for theirs.

I agree with ArtLady. You need to provide them with information that helps them, not money.

When the time comes, visit your local Health Unit (I think you said you were in Canada), and that one place alone will have resources galore for seniors. There is even in-home care and assistance, meals on wheels, assisted, graduated living complexes, and subsidies that will ensure they have a very good quality of life.

Whatever care they will need, will be there for them.

50 is not old by the way, they could also check with their local help centre, employment office, government sponsored re-training etc., and find other jobs that are less physically demanding. I was just reading the other day about funding for education and retraining.

You need not carry that burden of supporting them, because it just simply doesn't have to be that way.

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Yah. I just don't want to put them in a retirement home. Is there any alternatives? They don't speak english that well, so its hard for them to find another job. Yup we live in Ontario =P.

When the time comes, you may feel differently. Retirement homes are just one option. Long ago in-home care was established to keep people in their homes as long as possible, but eventually it may happen that their physical needs are beyond what you can provide for them, and for their own health and safety they may need some sort of assisted living siutation.

Many of these complexes have different levels of care. Right from minimal, to total care, and the one I'm thinking of has a nurse on duty 24/7. You will see that there are many options available when the time comes.

But, you're probably looking at these options many years down the road. It may come in handy at some point to talk to them about options, maybe they do not realize what can be provided for them and think YOU are their only option!

It is far too early for you to assume anything. For now, concentrate on your studies, and your own plans for the future. Just rest assured that you will not carry the burden of having quality care for elderly parents, alone.

You sound like a good kid to me. Don't worry yourself over this. It will all work out for everybody when the time comes.

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Originally Posted by none12345

Yah. I just dont want to put them in a retirement home. Is there any alternatives? They dont speak english that well, so its hard for them to find another job. Yup we live in Ontario =P.

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Here is a link to affordable housing in Ontario. For seniors.It is not a nursing home or a retirement home,it is independent living on a fixed low income.

Affordable Housing