I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now. I have recently become less and less arrtacted to him. He has always been a bit on the chubby side, which didn't used to bother me. Be has probably put on a good 50 pounds since we first got together. I know he struggles with his weight and have tried to encourage him to make good food decisions and to hit the gym again. But I think for me, the unattractedness is more than just that. I wish he loved himself enough to do things for himself, like shower everyday, and eat slow & moderatly. I also wish he had a life outside of me. Seems the more I pull away, the more he grabs on tight, and the less and less I want to be with him. This is a cycle I wish to see stop. I want a MAN not a puppy. I did finally tell him yesterday partially about how I am feeling... but man, it's hard. I just want to be in love with him again! Any advise?:confused:

Good thing you talked to him about it. Keep the distance for now, see what he'll do to improve himself and while alone, remember all of the things that made you fall in love with him.

You can't make yourself love someone. You did the right thing, though, by talking to him about it. What did he say when you talked to him, though? Hopefully, he will take in some of your input, only because it would be more healthy for him to be taking better care of himself. But, on the other hand, it's hard for people to change simply because someone else wants them to. In order for it to work, he's going to have to want to help himself, too. So, I say wait it out a little while, maybe? See if he starts taking better care of himself. If not, maybe take a little break from him. It sounds like you're losing interest and getting annoyed with him because of his insecurities and dependency, and he needs to work on these issues, in order to have a healthy relationship, or else it's just going to get worse.

Words, and feelings, are great, but nothing beats doing what you want. If he won't change, leave.

Relationship isn't always smooth and one of the struggles is keeping the attraction on fire. Your guy isn't a cheater or abusive so good thing you're trying to work out the intimacy.

If you aren't happy, you should leave. But if you do know you love him and he can be the person you fell in love with, there are some things you can do. I know one thing that happened to me when my ex and I broke up is that I learned to love me again, I learned to love the gym and my self-confidence is through the roof.

But back to you - have you ever thought of trying to eat right around him, work out and ask him to join you? Maybe that would be the push he needs?

Man, I think every guy should read this. This is truly coming from the mind of a woman who is direct, understands what she's looking for in a man in doesn't us BS woman language like, "I want a guy to cry with me."

Ironically, I suggest you say to your boyfriend, what you said here. Print it off and read it to him if you have to. Tell him exactly what you said about getting a life outside of you, and you might add that that will strengthen his life which you will appeal to you more.

Having said all that, I'm a bit worried about your boyfriend, because it sounds like he suffers from depression. Not showering an sudden weight gain seem to indicate something is wrong. He may need to see a doctor. I would ask him if he's been feeling different, because it maybe something he does't recognize.

Thank you all for your comments. I guess I am just at the waiting it out point. I have tried to help his habbits... by focusing on mine in order to make it easier for him to make better decisions. At the same time I have found the more that I do that, the more I resent the fact that he doesn't choose to do things for himself. I feel like I have to be the one to say "I'm going to the gym, you commin?" and by that time... I kind of want to go to the gym alone. It's so hard to try to take care of yourself and feel the like you are carrying the weight of someone else to take basic self care. When I did speak my heart the other day, I saw the knowing and pain in his eyes and he immediately started trying to make little changes. But it's only been a little over 48 hours now... so as I stated in the beginning of this.. I'm practicing patience. It's so hard though. It's hard to have such a wonderful, caring man try to reach to you... and not want to be touched. :( It's the little things that actually disgust me... Like he eats so fast, that I feel like if I don't keep up, he'll reach for my plate. Or... I can't have a treat in the house that he won't get to before me. I am actuallly finding it making me sick and... very sad. And, guilty that I am having to search the advise of other people.. as if I am betraying our intimacy. Just sad... as always, these feelings were not anticipated. I can honestly say, these are "new" issues as far as, I have never been in this situation. Ok OK... enough talk from me for now. Thank you for listening, and for your thoughts.

You said you just want to be in love with him again. I assume its safe to say everyone has said that before at some point of their life but feelings do change and sometimes we can't help it and when it does you ll find that it will never be the same anymore.

Talk to him about your feelings and if he doesn't understand or meet you half way, than its time to move on no matter how hard it might be. A relationship is a two way street and both should work together to make it work.

You make a great point, and this is where I aknowledge the fact, that I am scared that nothing is forever... and I don't know why I have chosen to do this relationship thing again. Well, whatever it will be, will be. But arg! I choose enough unhealthy relationships, to realize when I am treated with love and respect. Didn't see these other issues coming. And so it is... wait wait wait... tick tock tick.

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Originally Posted by Dx3

You make a great point, and this is where I aknowledge the fact, that I am scared that nothing is forever.... and I don't know why i have chosen to do this relationship thing again. Well, whatever it will be, will be. But arg!! I choose enough unhealthy relationships, to realize when I am treated with love and respect. Didn't see these other issues coming. And so it is.... wait wait wait....tick tock tick.

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Nothing is forever but living in fear is an awful way to live. Yup only time will tell. Wish you the best!

That is for certaian. If fear is the 'Only' thing stopping you, then you are stopping for the wrong reasons. Which is I guess in a sense, why I am here. Thank you for your honesty and kind regards. It's just not easy...
"Should I stay or should i go now... bam bam bam bam. If I go it will be trouble.... if I stay it will be double... bam bam bam bam." ;)

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Originally Posted by Dx3

That is for certaian. If fear is the 'Only' thing stopping you, then you are stopping for the wrong reasons. Which is I guess in a sense, why I am here. Thank you for your honesty and kind regards. It's just not easy...
"Should I stay or should i go now... bam bam bam bam. If I go it will be trouble.... if I stay it will be double... bam bam bam bam." ;)

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Start a list with 2 columns, stay or go and re-read and see which reasons you have more to. =P that should help XD