My father had an affair which lead to my parents divorce when I was about 3 and my sister a few months old. I am 26 and my sister 23 yrs old now.
We saw my father on weekends with his new girlfriend and 2 new children for about 5 years and then it stopped. I do not know what kind of settlement was arranged between my father and mother but my mother has always said she never got any support from my father as he had another family.
After some investigation I have recently found out that his children went to one of the best private schools in England, they have a lot of land, horses, cars, boats..

I want to know if I can sue my father for not getting the education I feel I was entitled to?

As this would be an action under UK law, what do you feel your grounds would be ?
Also you may well have serious difficulties with Limitations here as so much time has passed.

Thanks for your response.

I just happened to be searching online last night and found my half sister/brother. Its not their fault so I am not angry with them. I don't want to be greedy or selfish, I just feel that I am owed something. Nothing tangible, I am just bitter that I didn't get a good education. If I could get some compensation for the loss of education I should have had, it could at least help me pay my £18,000 student debt!

I'm not sure what my grounds would be? But the situation doesn't feel right, I feel that I have been cheated.

My partner of 4 years has a young boy and he (or we) pay for his education... we want children in the future and won't stop paying for his son's education because we have children.

Yes time has passed, but I never had a chance as a child to find him, contact him and I have know found him through his children's networking profiles!

I have asked my mother what kind of settlement they had as I thought this might be an important factor. She said she got the majority share of the cost of the sale of the house and he was ordered to pay minimal child support. He paid for a while and then stopped so the government paid what he didn't.

But if they could afford to send their new kids to school that had fees of around £6000pa, and everything else that came with their lavish lifestyle, would his child support obligation to me and my sister have to match that? Although the government paid for his shortcomings, he in fact, it seems, should have supported us?

Am I being out of order because my emotions are getting in the way? Maybe. Like I said, I don't want to be selfish, greedy. I just want what is fair and at the moment I don't feel my deal was fair.

I don't believe that you are seeing the whole picture here.
Just because your father's "new" family appeared better off than your own doesn't automatically "entitle" to the same treatment at all.
After all who's to say it wasn't his "new" wife that paid the fees or indeed that SHE was the major contributor to the family finances.
Remember that you mother has already confirmed the divorce settlement, so that's it.

Yes you may feel aggrieved in all of this and also that it was unfair, but, unfortunately that's the way of things.
Move on and enjoy your own life.
There's nothing to be gained by living on "what if's" except resentment and grief.

I had a similar situation, where I struggled on my own, while my fathers new family enjoyed things I never had. At the time, it was impossible to enforce court ordered support, and as a result we were on welfare for four years. (This goes back to the early 70's).

I agree that you should have had financial support equal to what his 'new' children had, and that he should not have locked you out of his life. Further, he should have made even more effort with you and your sister to compensate for him not being there and helping you out. He ditched you both for his new family, like you never existed.

That is a big hole to fill in your life. It is deplorable that he did not support his 'first' children.

But as someone else has said, that does not necessarily mean that he would have been willing or able anyway, even had he done the right thing, and kept in contact.

It is sweet to be able to create a letter and tell him what you have accomplished, despite his disowning of you. Tell him straight up that you were resentful of him not being around, and then stopping contact entirely.

Tell him that while his actions were lower than a scum sucking bottom feeder, you have gone on to thrive under your own steam, with no help from him. You are, despite his lack of interest and support, a good man, with a child of your own. Let him know that real men don't abandon their children, no matter what the excuses are.

Thank him for showing you what a poor role model he would have been, had he chose to be in your life, because you have learned what a good role model is on your own, and you do not have children that you don't love and support.

Then, I would burn the letter, or bury it in the backyard.

There is nothing that you can change about your father, he is who he is, and it has to be enough that you've learned to live a good strong life without him. To force him to do anything, even if it is possible, at this stage of the game, won't settle the real issue, and that was him abandoning you.

Like you, I've taken care of myself, and found my own way, but over the years wondered if he could somehow not be held accountable, and there really was no way.

Be proud of yourself for being a different person, father, and partner, and my advice to you is to let the past stay in the past.

First, according to you, the divorce settlement consisted of proceeds of the sale of their marital home and some child support. You also indicate that, even though he didn't pay all the support he was required to, the government made these payments to your mother.

So, if anyone is to blame here, its your mother for settling for such a meager divorce settlement.

The fact is that you have received ALL that you were entitled to. You have no grounds to sue your father at all.

However, there is a possible way to slightly stick it to him. Since the government made the child support payments he might owe the government for those payments he didn't make. You can try reporting this to the appropriate authorities. They may then go after him for reimbursement. But you still won't see any of that since its reimbursement for what the govt already paid.

I really appreciate all your feedback. I think you are all right in what you have to say, and thank you for letting me see the situation from outside the box!

Very true, his new wife could have been a major contributor to their education although I am quite sure this is not the case.

I think I still have a lot of unanswered questions to ask my mother which is extremely difficult as I am sure she doesn't want to be reminded of the past. My partner thinks I should give my father the benefit of the doubt and give him the opportunity to explain his side of the story. He thinks my mother could have asked him to leave our lives, and his new wife probably put the pressure on to do the same and so he abandoned us to make everyone happy! Although it was all his fault, it couldn't have been easy to make the decisions he did, I hope. I am sure he loved us at the beginning, I remember decorating the xmas tree, pretending to drive the car on his lap, going horse riding, playing in the snow, picking blue berries... and then it all stopped.

Jake2008, I think you hit the nail on the head, the real issue is abandonment, not money. Money just seems a way to hurt him for hurting us! Financially I am not doing too bad, I guess I am looking for a way to compensate for everything I missed out on, firstly love, secondly a decent education!

Your right, I have become stronger better person out of this. I know that a loving family is better than anything in the world. I consider my partner's children as part of my family, and I naturally treat them and love them just as much as when I will have my own. I know first hand what my partners son is going through (no father to watch you on sports days, no feeling of protection, support, encouragement, the horrible good-byes on the weekends, the cold conversations between divorced parents) so I make sure that one thing is not the same as my situation and that is I make sure we have fun, and give him love and let him know he has a second family home where the door is always open and he can always see his father. I actually can't wait to have my own children and give them all a home where they feel loved and protected.

Thanks everyone, for the honest advise and counselling!