I work with an afterschool program called Safari in South Carolina. I am a counsler and deal with children in kindergarten through 5th. Some children are sweet, saying the funniest things everyday, making me happy and privileged to work there... then there are children like Joel (name changed due to security of the child). He is a vulger bully with the detection of emotional problems. He talks back to counslers so much to the point that we don't even punish him anymore... just ignore. Almost daily, he picks on the little kids, mimics teachers, lies to the point it's obvious... (if you catch him in the act of doing something wrong... he will still deny it), doesn't have respect for children or staff, has been in a couple of fights, and oh so much more. At work we have a 3 strikes your out rule... if you get 3 write ups... you are kicked out of the program. In my mental book... he has surpassed the 100's. I don't undestand how the supervisors just put up with this kid. To them it's like... if we kick him out then we loose the $40 a week we make on him. Ridiculious. It also seems like they are scared of him. I have tried to put him in his place numerous times and the rest of the staff just kind of shrugs it off (unless he is doing something extreame like hitting or cussing... then it's time out). I believe that timeouts work on younger children, but in this day and age, it seems to have little or no effect. I am 22 and dealing with a 10 year old who seems to have the worst case of bullying and everything else. Everyone seems to have kind of given up on him. I refuse... I will change that kid if I have to drag him kicking and screaming along the way... but how?

Sounds like this child needs to be assessed by a psychologist for underlying issues.

What is his home life like? Does he behave this way with his parents? Are the parents aware of his behavior in the program? Has he ever been checked for ADHD or any other disorder?

It's time that his parents took action, sadly, there's very little that you can do but inform them that you think there's something more going on with him then just "bad" behavior.

Good luck.

To my knowledge, the parents have been informed and claim to "take care of it"... which doesn't resolve the issue. I don't know the parents are slackers or what. The father seems to be one of those " My son is a winner" people who push their kids to accomplish greatness at EVERYTHING they do. I have always felt that it had something to do with the kids attitude having a reverse affect. Then again, that's just intuition... I'm no psychologist =/

It is out of your ability and even duty to "change" him, your program basically houses them for a period. You are not the school authority or the parents

And you will never cure anything with them "kicking and screaming" being dragged to being fixed.

First your program puts itself at seroius risk of a law suit from the parents of kids being picked on, they assume your program will protect the rights of their child.

So being aware of the problem and the danger your program does nothing, this will only fuel serioius problems when this explodes at some point

Maybe not change him... but put some kind of positive impact on the kid. (he sure doesn't get it from home) I am just an employee, I do not run the program. I have been at risk of confrentation last year when I came forward to my peers about the boy and his friends running back and forth between two sets of doors that lead to the playground. I met one of the boys at the gym doors, told him to open it and then took him by the hand inside. He told my supervisor that I knocked him to the ground when in fact I did not. After an hour of trying to get his way, he later told my supervisor that he lied because I was a "B-word." This incident was reported to the father and the child was expelled from the program. The child that I am dealing with now is what I consider far worse than the one I delt with last year. I have only been in childcare for 2 years and I consider it one of the most important jobs there is. Next to dealing with peoples money... dealing with their children is a lot more hectic and far more can happen. Children are picked on all the time behind our backs... Sometimes we catch it in action while at other times it is up to the child to come forward with being bullied. I wouldn't be surprised if the supervisors have a lawsuit hanging over their heads in the future.

Certainly you can try to win him over... find any and every time that you can offer true praise for making good choices... build a sense of trust with him. If you find it just isn't going to happen, it may actually be for the best for him to go to another program.

Is he unhappy? Would he rather be somewhere else? Does he have any friends there? Any idea what his homelife is like? Does he hang out with older kids at home? Has he been bullied? Do you work on any academics that he finds too difficult? There are many reasons he might act the way he does.

In the end, if it is a safety issue for the other children or staff, his parents will need to be informed if you have policies in place for dismissal from the program and they need to be followed through on.

Sometimes you just won't get through to every child... you can hope you plant a seed that will someday finally sink in and cause a change, but in the meantime you may have to "save" the majority from the few.

He is kind of a leader with some other 5th grade boys... He tends to manipulate them into doing his bidding... so in the end THEY get in trouble and not him. He is a very smart child, I'll give him that. He says he has an older brother around my age, but they don't talk much. When he comes to Safari... he generally acts as if he is too good to be there... or just too old. I have told him that he is only a month away from being gone... so why not just relax, be good, and wait it out until then. He is also a sports fanatic who excels in gym peroid and won't take the word lose for an answer. He doesn't seem to get bullied... ever. He pretty much is the bully.

I am of a mind that every child is reachable.

When he is behaving and whenever you see him doing well,be sure to give him positive reinforcement.*Good job on that I like what you did here*.
At that time ,you may want to strike up a brief conversation.

Do this for a few weeks and see if you can't find something that interests him that he can succeed at. Perhaps all he thinks he is good at is misbehaving.

I think this is attention seeking behavior.Kids do not care if the attention they receive is negative,any attention will do.

When I taught kindergarten,there was a student who all the teachers had *given up on*,(their exact words).I made it a mission to never give up on a six year old child.

I gave her the extra attention she was seeking in a positive way and when she misbehaved I was firm and loving and asked *why*?The results were amazing.

Within a month she was a cooperative and ,more importantly, a happier child.

Be consistent,make the rules clear and the consequences fit the crime.If he is bullying he must write a letter of apology.
By ignoring the behavior they are doing this child a great disservice.

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Originally Posted by Shleecraw23

He is kind of a leader with some other 5th grade boys....He tends to manipulate them into doing his bidding...so in the end THEY get in trouble and not him. He is a very smart child, I'll give him that. He says he has an older brother around my age, but they don't talk much. When he comes to Safari...he generally acts as if he is too good to be there...or just too old. I have told him that he is only a month away from being gone...so why not just relax, be good, and wait it out until then. He is also a sports fanatic who excells in gym peroid and wont take the word lose for an answer. He dosn't seem to get bullied....ever. He pretty much is the bully.

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Perfect... tap into his interest and enthusiasum for sports... acknowledge that he may feel he is too old to be there... use that to your advantage. Maybe find ways he can be a guide or helper for some younger kids or for the staff. Maybe he can teach some sports skills to a group of kids... he can keep a record of their progress... come up with awards, etc... act as sort of an assistant coach. If it's not part of the program... tweak the program a bit so that it is. Give him jobs to be doing that will mean something to him and are not obviously just to keep him busy... even if some of them are just that.