Ask Me Help Desk - I think my girlfriend is lying to me about a few things.

My girlfriend and I had been dating for a couple of months now. We are online dating, I was always against online dating in the first place--but I ended up falling in love with this girl online. We always had each others trust, but as soon as I get into a relationship with her, her "friends" randomly started talking to me. She never told me once about them, until her friend started IMING me from her account. They have her writing style and somewhat personality?

One of her friends told me that she's anorexic, refusing to eat all the time. She hasn't eaten in weeks. She keeps losing a lot of weight fast, and they ask me to convince her to eat. And she refuses. I don't know if I should believe or not. Her mother is abusive and disinterest of her. And her sister doesn't help. I'm not sure whether my girlfriend is trying to gaing attention or what. But its bugging me. My friend who was close to her, said she talked to a 'Gaara' and a 'Kiba' on myspace.

Yes, role play accounts. And they had her writing style, oddly. She said she suspected her to pretend to be one of her "friends" as well, there was so many facts leading straight too it. I don't appreciate being lied too, I'm afraid if I say anything to her, she'll get angry at me.

Now back on topic of her being anorexic: She also says her mother refuses to send her to the hospital. She claims that she is "fine" when she obviously isn't and could be in danger while her body is eatting her away. Her friends showed me pictures of her, and it does look bad. But they COULD'VE easily grabbed the pictures off the internet, so I'm still not trusting her.

Her friends type EXACTLY the same as she does. Her friends have the SAME spelling errors as she does. It's all too weird, and yet she had the nerve to be suspicious of me sometimes. I suppose everyone gets suspicious of one another but still. I'm quite aggravated right now.

Another thing that is weird, her friend Emily that she's been close to for years, has never met these people. I know she didn't make Emily up because we were in a chatroom. All of us goofing off. Don't you think it's a little off? :/'

Gives me an eerie feeling.

Um, I was wierded out by your post actually.

Firstly, you're 'in love' with someone that you're dating on-line? I don't get it. Have you actually met this person in the flesh? And secondly, who are all these other people that are (s)talking you and sending you photos?

I suspect it's the one person playing a number of parts, God only knows why. Someone is playing mind games with you and it's working. Why get involved?

Delete their accounts from your computer, stop looking at theirs, get out meet some people and get some fresh air. Sounds uncool - bit it works!

First question: How old are you?

Second question: Do you talk on the telephone?

Third: Have you ever met in person, at least once, or making plans to do it in the near future?

The thing about online dating is that you can "date" someone on the PC but be another in the "real" world. I don't trust it-- I had a friend whom had an "online boyfriend" just for sh-ts and giggles.

Not saying that this isn't the case but to have an actual relationship you have to talk OUTSIDE of internet world.

Just my opinion.
Sarah

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

My girlfriend and I had been dating for a couple of months now. We are online dating, I was always against online dating in the first place--but I ended up falling in love with this girl online.

So you've never met? How do you fall in love with someone online? No, seriously, if you could answer that I'd like to know, because there is a porn star named Alison Angel and I'd like her to fall in love with me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

We always had each others trust,

How?

How have you had each others trust?

How would you know since you've only been dating for a couple of months?

How would you know since you've apparently never met?

While were on the subject, doesn't that last one strike you as odd. You have a girlfriend that you've never met. That's like me saying I'm dating Alison Angel. Which I'm not, because we've never met. See, this meeting a person is very key for actually being someone's boyfriend or you could just make up anything. How ironic, since you think she's making up just about anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

but as soon as I get into a relationship with her, her "friends" randomly started talking to me. She never told me once about them, until her friend started IMING me from her account. They have her writing style and somewhat personality?

One of her friends told me that shes anorexic, refusing to eat all the time. She hasn't eaten in weeks. She keeps losing a lot of weight fast, and they ask me to convince her to eat. And she refuses. I don't know if I should believe or not. Her mother is abusive and disinterest of her. And her sister doesn't help. I'm not sure whether my girlfriend is trying to gaing attention or what. But its bugging me. My friend who was close to her, said she talked to a 'Gaara' and a 'Kiba' on myspace.

Let's just assume your girlfriend wasn't making this up (which she is, but let's assume she's not, even though she is), what the hell is this your problem? No offense, but if she can't or won't eat why would anybody come to you to make them. Are you a doctor? Are you a dietition? Are you a cook? The simple answer would be to tell her to go see a doctor. If she doesn't listen move on. If you give advice and someone is too stupid to take it, then it becomes their problem. So it's the unseen girlfriend's fake identity's problem.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

Yes, role play accounts. And they had her writing style, oddly. She said she suspected her to pretend to be one of her "friends" as well, there was so many facts leading straight too it.

Dude you are not even half way done with this and I figured it out. Yes she's making all this up. But you haven't even met her so why is the fact that she's nuts and needs attention a surprise?

She's thinking, "I've got this guy I've never met thinking he's my boyfriend, let's see what else I can do to with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

I don't appreciate being lied too, I'm afraid if I say anything to her, she'll get angry at me.

You are a man... right? You are afraid to make someone blantly lying to you angry? Do me a favor, stand up, drop your pants and tell me if you have a pair. Because I'll tell you, both your girlfriend and I are wondering. This woman is wasting your time, f-ing with your head, has not met you in person and you are worried that she'll get angry? This doesn't require you hide and shiver, this requires you to be a man put her in her place.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

Now back on topic of her being anorexic:

Thank God. I was hoping we could get back to that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

She also says her mother refuses to send her to the hospital. She claims that she is "fine" when she obviously isn't and could be in danger while her body is eatting her away. Her friends showed me pictures of her, and it does look bad. But they COULD'VE easily grabbed the pictures off the internet, so I'm still not trusting her.

So go to the hospital without her mother. They aren't going to refuse someone dying based on age.

I can't believe I'm giving advice on what to say about a person that doesn't exist for a girlfriend that you've never met. A true first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

Her friends type EXACTLY the same as she does. Her friends have the SAME spelling errors as she does. It's all too weird, and yet she had the nerve to be suspicious of me sometimes. I suppose everyone gets suspicious of one another but still. I'm quite aggravated right now.

So we are back to this. I thought we agreed she was lying, and it was obvious.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

Another thing that is weird, her friend Emily that shes been close to for years, has never met these people. I know she didn't make Emily up because we were in a chatroom. All of us goofing off. Don't you think its a little off? :/'

Gives me an eerie feeling.

I'm just stunned.

Why are you doing this?

You have to have better things to do then this.

Well, its complicated really, because I've KNOWN her online for years. She never did these suspicious acts until now a days. I don't know why, and yes. I have seen photos of her. I'm 18 years old, and she's 17 years old. There is some things she isn't making up, such as the abusive mother thing, I can tell she's not making it up by the angry words she sends when she's mad. I know she's not playing around, that I can believe. I have called her before, we've talked on the phone. I forgot to add, we had been planning to meet each other soon. That's why I was scared of the fact she's lying to me.

Which she apparently is. About her whole anorexic issue, I would send her to the hospital and get it checked out. But she "refuses" as stated. Which is why I'm doubting her, I don't want to leave her at the same time... and she clearly shows that she does care for me. Even though she lies. I'm not sure if that does make sense or not. I've only talked to this girl for three years. Maybe four.

As for why I'm doing this, I'm not sure. I am just really confused on things, and how this all came to be is very complicated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

----

Well, its complicated really, because I've KNOWN her online for years.

Brother, please I'm begging you stop this. You don't know her at all. You know a persona she created... and in fact you are learning another persona she created. She's hiding behind the internet to toy with you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

She never did these suspicious acts until now a days.

Maybe, but you don't kow who you've been dealing with anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

I don't know why, and yes. I have seen photos of her.

Dude, you and I both know she can pull photos off the internet and claim there hers. Even if she is using real photos that doesn't mean you know her anymore. I've seen Alison Angel nude, but I don't know her. She's really hot, you should check her out. Wouldn't it be funny if she turned out to be your cyber girlfriend?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

I'm 18 years old, and shes 17 years old.

God you are going to hate me for this, and I know it doesn't mean anything because people said it to me, but you are to young to understand what's going on. You have got caught up in this drama you cyber girl is playing and you want to be the nice guy on top of it so you allow yourself to go along with it. I know this because I probably would have done the same thing at your age, but 12 years from now at 30 you'll be looking at this and saying, "What was I thinking?" There have to be real people around you can do stuff with. If there are not, you can start filling your time with positive websites... like the one you found yesterday (that would be this one) and start to educate yourself on how to deal with women and situations like this one. I had to learn by getting my heart broke several times and I didn't catch on until the late 20's. You have the ability to get it now.

I can see you the nice guy, wanting to do what's best for her and her fake friend... that is her. I understand you think that by showing how much you care, it will make her care more because she'll see you going that extra mile. It makes perfect sense to a nice guy. But that's not how women operate. They test you to see what they can get from you and if you'll put you foot down. They look for drama to spice up their lives. Your cyber girl is doing that. She's just putting some drama in her life. Until you stand up for yourself... or better yet just leave this nonsense she will continue with this. What's more troubling is what a big waste of time this is. What are you getting from this?

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

There is some things she isn't making up, such as the abusive mother thing, I can tell shes not making it up by the angry words she sends when shes mad. I know shes not playing around, that I can believe. I have called her before, we've talked on the phone.

You know what. I believe you there too. Some forms of abuse cause people to form more then one personality. Given the age we live in, one way to become someone your not is using the internet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

I forgot to add, we had been planning to meet each other soon. That's why I was scared of the fact she's lying to me.

But that's the problem. You can't be scared of confronting a woman. If she's going to lie, call her on it. If she thinks so little of you to lie to you, then stand up for yourself and tell her that isn't how you conduct yourself, and that's now how you want people treating you. If that isn't going to work for the other person then they need to move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

Which she apparently is. About her whole anorexic issue, I would send her to the hospital and get it checked out. But she "refuses" as stated. Which is why I'm doubting her, I don't want to leave her at the same time...and she clearly shows that she does care for me. Even though she lies. I'm not sure if that does make sense or not.

It doesn't.

How can she care for you, when you've never met.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

I've only talked to this girl for three years. Maybe four.

But never met her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeiichiAzunaka

As for why I'm doing this, I'm not sure. I am just really confused on things, and how this all came to be is very complicated.

Well I think it gives you an outlet to relieve some stress and something to do. I question if it's healthy for you.

What things are you confused about? Put it down and perhaps we can work on some of them.

Insist on an immediate in person meeting with her and her "friends"... see who shows up. This isn't a real relationship until it is in person and you can verify who you really are dealing with. In the meantime check your feelings. What would you say to your best friend if he were doing something so foolish with his heart as to be giving it to someone he can't even be sure isn't totally fabricated. Be your own best friend and protect you mind and heart... back off and take a good hard look emotions aside. Is this how you want to start? Take a meeting with the girl or take a walk.

Well, my first impression on this is she's making her self so sorry through her "friends", it's the same person and just wants attention possibly money. Refuse to talk to her and her "friends" unless they got a webcam and headset. I am not user if you know this, in Yahoo, you can talk to one person using 2 different usernames at the same time. Even if you knew this person for years, you must still talk over the phone and meet in person. You are investing emotion here so be cautious.

Stop, Turn off the computer and step back, way back!!

Find a real person to talk to, and do fun things with! Go to the gym.

Under no circumstances are you allowed any more cyber dates, or chat room friends.

Only when you interact a lot more, with real people, doing real things, will the confusion be lifted.

Waiting for your angry cyber reply!!

Based on all that you have told us, I don't think this girl is even real. She could be some 45 year old creepo for all you know, which is highly likely. You can't do anything to help her, you've never met. That's like me IMing Osama Bin Laden and saying "please stop doing such harsh things" and him saying "Well since you asked nicely and it is you, who I've never met, I will do that"

Get a real girlfriend, or hell, get some real friends

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

Brother, please I'm begging you stop this. You don't know her at all. You know a persona she created....and in fact you are learning another persona she created. She's hiding behind the internet to toy with you.

Maybe, but you don't kow who you've been dealing with anyway.

Dude, you and I both know she can pull photos off the internet and claim there hers. Even if she is using real photos that doesn't mean you know her anymore. I've seen Alison Angel nude, but I don't know her. She's really hot, you should check her out. Wouldn't it be funny if she turned out to be your cyber girlfriend?

God you are going to hate me for this, and I know it doesn't mean anything because people said it to me, but you are to young to understand what's going on. You have got caught up in this drama you cyber girl is playing and you want to be the nice guy on top of it so you allow yourself to go along with it. I know this because I probably would have done the same thing at your age, but 12 years from now at 30 you'll be looking at this and saying, "What was I thinking?" There have to be real people around you can do stuff with. If there are not, you can start filling your time with positive websites....like the one you found yesterday (that would be this one) and start to educate yourself on how to deal with women and situations like this one. I had to learn by getting my heart broke several times and I didn't catch on until the late 20's. You have the ability to get it now.

I can see you the nice guy, wanting to do what's best for her and her fake friend...that is her. I understand you think that by showing how much you care, it will make her care more because she'll see you going that extra mile. It makes perfect sense to a nice guy. But that's not how women operate. They test you to see what they can get from you and if you'll put you foot down. They look for drama to spice up their lives. Your cyber girl is doing that. She's just putting some drama in her life. Until you stand up for youself....or better yet just leave this nonsense she will continue with this. What's more troubling is what a big waste of time this is. What are you getting from this?

You know what. I believe you there too. Some forms of abuse cause people to form more then one personality. Given the age we live in, one way to become someone your not is using the internet.

But that's the problem. You can't be scared of confronting a woman. If she's going to lie, call her on it. If she thinks so little of you to lie to you, then stand up for yourself and tell her that isn't how you conduct yourself, and that's now how you want people treating you. If that isn't going to work for the other person then they need to move on.

It doesn't.

How can she care for you, when you've never met.

But never met her.

Well I think it gives you an outlet to relieve some stress and something to do. I question if it's healthy for you.

What things are you confused about? Put it down and perhaps we can work on some of them.

This is starting to get really difficult and stressful. -sigh- I sort of believe her of the pictures that she showed me of her was really her, because she described herself like that. And she showed me a video of herself, from her webcam. So I think that sort of prooves it. But her friends weren't in the webcam; which gave me another suspicion. That they're not real.

The only reason why I'm scared of confronting her, fearing that she wouldn't want to talk to me at ALL. Then nothing gets solved, this can be easily fixed. Of how she cared for me, she asks me 'What's wrong' every time I'm in a bad mood/depressed. I can relate to her from the abusive issue, from the past. That's why I was so EASILY connected to her. Then she and I ended up in a relationship just happened. Like that.

I'm just confused about everything that has happened. I know that's not a specific answer. She has mentioned to me once that she doesn't want to leave me, she tried to leave me once when she was going through a huge drama/depressing thing, saying of how much she hurts me by trying to leave all the time. She was crying on the phone, I guess when I stopped helping her from not knowing what to do all the time, she wants to gaing my attention by seeking help and I don't see it.

She always tries to do everything by herself. I guess she considers herself weak if she tries to get help. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. I still can't hate her for all of this. I'm always too forgiving, and forgetful. That's my flaw.

I must take back what I said. Don't meet this girl and stop talking to her. You haven't met yet but she already sounds helpless and tiring to be with. She's a con artist and a pathological liar.

"Wondergirl agrees: Hmmmm, maybe there's someone out there for me too.... (You should write the definitive AMHD book, Chuff.)"

This... THIS is the greatest idea I have ever heard of!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mimisblonde

insist on an immediate in person meeting with her and her "friends" ...see who shows up. This isn't a real relationship until it is in person and you can verify who you really are dealing with. In the meantime check your feelings. What would you say to your best friend if he were doing something so foolish with his heart as to be giving it to someone he can't even be sure isn't totally fabricated. Be your own best friend and protect you mind and heart... back off and take a good hard look emotions aside. Is this how you want to start off? Take a meeting with the girl or take a walk.

You know what's the funny thing? Every time I ask, whenever we meet if I can meet with one of her "friends" and you know what she says? She says one will be gone by then because his dad is abusive, and the other doesn't know how to get to her house without him. And the other guy will leave too. :/ Her friend Emily has never met these people.

She said she never even heard of them until recently.

Lies, lies and more lies.

Aren't you getting bored? I sure would be.

Sarah

Quote:

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Based on all that you have told us, I don't think this girl is even real. She could be some 45 year old creepo for all you know, which is highly likely. You can't do anything to help her, you've never met. That's like me IMing Osama Bin Laden and saying "please stop doing such harsh things" and him saying "Well since you asked nicely and it is you, who I've never met, I will do that"

Get a real girlfriend, or hell, get some real friends

I am fully aware of that, that she couldn't be the real girl. My friends were suspicious of her reading on her IMS. :/; Eh, Like I said, some things she said IS not made up. Like her mom abusing her, her angry words that she types says all pretty much really.

I'm too much of a nice guy. I've been always hesitant to ask if those friends of hers are even real people.

It doesn't matter. The fact that your suspicious is enough to back off, and question everything she has told you.

That's not how healthy relationships work. That's why you need to see some reality. Even nice guys, won't put up with the lies.

Look, in the end trust your gut feeling. You said yourself - it all sounds eerie.

There has not been one reply on this post that has said - 'yes mate, she sounds great, go for it'.

This is the collective advice summarised for you by me, because I think you should see it all:

You have to have better things to do then this.

How can she care for you, when you've never met.

Stop, Turn off the computer and step back, way back!!

Find a real person to talk to, and do fun things with! Go to the gym.

Under no circumstances are you allowed any more cyber dates, or chat room friends.

Only when you interact a lot more, with real people, doing real things, will the confusion be lifted.

Get a real girlfriend, or hell, get some real friends.

Don't meet this girl and stop talking to her.

It's pretty clear what you need to do - get out of fantasy land and live a real life with real people. At least you can see them and speak to them face-to-face.

Learn to trust your gut feelings - if it feels wrong, it is wrong. May the force be with you!