I'm new and am dying to know what you all think, as I don't know anyone I can speak to about this. I also posted a thread below.

Late last year a very good friend of my fiance's came over for a drink and it ended up going on till the early hours of the morning. I was sat right next to my fiance' and she was sitting opposite. When I looked down, his foot was on top of hers and moving around on hers in a very suggestive way.

I did not want to cause a fight, as her husband was asleep upstairs, so I asked him the next day and he said he couldn't remember!

There have been other things as well, why does he do this? And why does he deny it when I've brought it up because I have clearly seen it!

I think you have your answer. And add this to your other post... seems like this guy will bring you A LOT of heartache down the road as he is not ready to settle down with YOU.

I agree. This, added to your other post... you are probably in a bad, bad place. I wish I had good news.

Being drunk and "not remembering" is no excuse.

I'm thinking you know the answer to your questions... its just too hard to accept.

I would like to add that being drunk and not remembering is a VERY bad sign in and of itself.

Too many red flags.

If you can't talk about this - I advise not marrying this man at all. Forget it.

This is just my advoce.

Yes, very hard to accept x

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Originally Posted by J_9

I would like to add that being drunk and not remembering is a VERY bad sign in and of itself.

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Selective!

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Originally Posted by Aussie

Selective!!

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no. not really. I agree with j_9, and I'm a little confused why you bring this up and then are defensive about it.

Are you saying j_9's being selective in her analysis, or that your fiancée is selectively "forgetting" things when its convenient?

I think she is saying that her finace is sleective in what he remembers and doest remember.
Shouldn't speak for Aussie but just how I read it!

Or selective because I "picked" that part, and only that part, out of the post?

This is a red flag called "blackout" when it comes to alcoholics!!

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Originally Posted by kp2171

no. not really. i agree with j_9, and im a little confused why you bring this up and then are defensive about it.

are you saying j_9's being selective in her analysis, or that your fiancee is selectively "forgetting" things when its convenient?

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Oh no - I mean't that perhaps he is being selective in his memory.

OK... at first I thought it was about j_9s post, but then thought maybe it was about him.

Yeah... its not good from his side. I've forgotten a few menial things when I've been buzzed, but intimacy is a different thing. Obviously he's attracted to her.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Or selective because I "picked" that part, and only that part, out of the post?

This is a red flag called "blackout" when it comes to alcoholics!!!

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Yes, that's exactly what I mean't, as I often wander why I can remember everything and he can't! But I believe its down to him pretending not to remember, so he thinks I will forget about it. Not alcoholics though... just heavy nights x

I agree with everyone, I was kind of confused about the answer "selective!!!"

And, yes, it most likely is selective, but please do not leave out the red flag of really being drunk and not remembering. Just please do not leave that out of the picture. It is possible he does not remember, however, and that is another major red flag.

I'm definatley talking about the big things that he is conveniently pretending to not remember.

I can clearly see that he is attratced to this girl and have always been a bit funnny.

I am so grateful that you are pointing all of this out, as it means that I am not mad and have a lot more confidence (what I lack) to confront him about it all.

It's my life and life is far too short.

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Originally Posted by Aussie

Yes, thats exactly what I mean't, as I often wander why I can remember everything and he can't! But I believe its down to him pretending not to remember, so he thinks I will forget about it. Not alcoholics though.....just heavy nights x

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"heavy nights" leads to alcoholism. Can he go for days, weeks, or months at a time without any alcohol whatsoever?

Alcoholism is a disease the "creeps" up on you. It is there before you know it.

He may very well be pretending, but don't leave the possibility of blackouts out of the picture, or you are in for a long haul if it turns out to be true.

All I am saying is keep EVERYTHING in perspective!!

Confidence is a life-long process!! Keep that in mind.

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Originally Posted by J_9

I agree with everyone, I was kind of confused about the answer "selective!!!"

And, yes, it most likely is selective, but please do not leave out the red flag of really being drunk and not remembering. Just please do not leave that out of the picture. It is possible he does not remember, however, and that is another major red flag.

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Oh, I see what you mean... sorry if I offended you in any way. I have just relaised what the red flag means that everyone is using. But I understand now and I agree with you. I wrote selective like that to emphasise it.

Aussie,

I don't think we are pointing it out for you. I think you already know and knew.
We may be just confirming your thoughts.
If that is the case then good. Im glad we could help you realise that there are some definite issues that you need to sort out well before you marry this man.
And you need to be 100% confident that he is being honest with you.
If not then I think you have to run for the hills.
And IF that is what has to happen we will be here to offer support through that!

I will, thank you J9

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Originally Posted by Skell

Aussie,

i dont think we are pointing it out for you. I think you already know and knew.
We may be just confirming your thoughts.
If that is the case then good. Im glad we could help you realise that there are some definite issues that you need to sort out well before you marry this man.
And you need to be 100% confident that he is being honest with you.
If not then i think you have to run for the hills.
And IF that is what has to happen we will be here to offer support through that!

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Thanks, you and everyone else have been so helpful. Yes I already know and have known! You've hit the nail on the head, but I needed to talk about it, as I don't have anyone here I can talk about it too.

I'm scared, but that's OK because I know whatever happens, I will be OK.