Me and my girlfriend of 10 months split up on Monday. I would really like to get back with her but don't know how.

What is the best way to do this?

She says she wants to be friends and she still texts and rings me as if nothing has happened.

Do I carry on returning her texts and calls in a hope that she will see the light and want to get back together, or do I tell her to give me some space?

Who initiated the breakup?

Texting is a very low impact way to communicate and I think you need to meet with her in person if you are going to get anywhere with this. If she's not willing to be around you, then there's your answer. In the meantime, don't waste a lot of time with texts and phone calls, that could drag on indefinitely and not progress into anything.

She ended the relationship. To cut a long story short, on a few occuastions she asked me to come and socialise with her and her male friends. I stupidly said no and since then she never asked. There are other reasons but I feel this is the main one

We split up Monday. She says she wants to be friends and hang out but doesn't think a relationship will work due to the fact we have different interests, which is not strictly true

If she broke up with you then I would recommend not contacting her and moving on... She doesn't want a relationship so talking to her all the time and getting your hopes up will only end badly.

You can try to get her back if you wish, just mentally prepare yourself in case she does not want to renew the relationship.

The relationship is over!!

It takes 2 to get back together so there is nothing you can do. She won't change her mind based on the things you do. She will change her mind herself if she wants to get back together.

Usually once friends after a breakup, you don't get back together. It is up to you, if you feel like you can be her friend without hurting, than go ahead but don't expect a reconciliation. If you cant, move on and don't contact her and build your life.

I agree, a clean break is probably the best thing here.

Its her that's txting me. Just making general conversation, how are you? What you up to? That kind of thing, so Im in two minds whether to stay in touch with her and give it some time and try to start up a fresh relationship or just forget about her. Unsure what to do

Dude... I just told you!! Read my post before...

Forget about her...
She wouldn't have broken up with you if she still wanted to be with you.
In time you will forget about her and meet someone better and brighter :)

There is no rule stating you have to be friends with someone after a break-up. So you don't have to be friends with her because she wants you to.

You already want her back so at this time being friends with her will only interfere with you getting over her.

This breakup is still fresh so if I was you I wouldn't read any texts she sends you and stop al communicate from her. She wanted out so let her stay out.

Also, you can't get someone back that doesn't want to be you. It would just be a waste of energy.

She wants you when she wants you, and she doesn't want you when she doesn't want you.

She is having her cake and eating it too. Talking out of both sides of her mouth, taking what she wants, and leaving the rest for you to strangle yourself with emotionally.

Just in case somebody better doesn't come along, she's keeping you in the picture, dangling that text rope like a noose, and you are on your tip toes trying to keep a grip on the top of the chair so you don't hang yourself.

You have to recognize when you are being used. She may come around all right, but for all the wrong reasons. She's looking for what she thinks is something better, so you are already in second place until she decides you can be in first place again... until the next time.

Why would you subject yourself to being second best; considered good enough to nibble at the crumbs she tosses you, but not good enough to be 'the one'.

Don't let her do this to you. It's pretty straightforward. If you do keep hanging on with that rope around your neck, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Disappear from her life, and ignore her texts.

OK I've just start this no contact thing that seems to be the thing to do, I'm guessing I should just wait for her to get in contact with me about getting back together?

I'm finding it so hard though. She text me yesterday asking what id been up to, just found it so hard not to text back.

How long should I not contact her for?

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She says she wants to be friends and she still texts and rings me as if nothing has happened.

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When you have gotten to the point you can accept her friendship, without any expectation of getting back together. You should keep No Contact until you have put her behind you and rebuilt your life that you enjoy without her in it.

No contact is NOT, I repeat, is not a way to get the ex back, but for you to heal, and get your dignity and self respect back, and make better decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just feelings.

It gives you time to cope with your feelings of loss in a positive way. Only then do you return her calls or texts, because then you won't take every word as a sign of her changing her mind about you, or be confused by everything she says. That happens when you have false hope of getting back together.

She wants you in her life, as a friend, so she can not only enjoy your attention, but be free to pursue other interests without the guilt of cheating on you.

Keep in mind, this wasn't a rash decision on her part, but a well thought out action, and unlike the shock and surprise you experienced at the break up, she has had plenty of time to reconcile her decision and get over you. That's a fact, but you were the last to know.

That's why you accept the break up, and leave her alone so you can heal, and be healthy and clear headed again.

Sorry guy, if you read other people's stories here, you will find how they had false hope as you do know, and only got more confused, and hurt even worse when they kept talking to the ex, about getting back together.

I can see what your saying, however I don't think she has truly thought things through. She works and lives with a lot of males (we're in the Army) and I think that they have had an influence on her decision. When ever I messed up during our relationship, instead of talking to me about it she would go and tell her mates and I think its them that have pushed her along in the road to get rid of me

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Originally Posted by Dantheman034

i can see what your saying, however i dont think she has truely thought things through. she works and lives with a lot of males (we're in the Army) and i think that they have had an influence on her decision. When ever i messed up during our relationship, instead of talking to me about it she would go and tell her mates and i think its them that have pushed her along in the road to get rid of me

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This is a sign right here that you're better off without her. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but do you want to be in a relationship with someone who won't communicate with you and instead talks to everyone else about her problems? Everyone is right, a clean break is best. Maybe somewhere down the road when you're completely over each other you can re-evaluate being friends, but now is not the time. Right now you need to focus on anything that gets your mind off her. Jake is right. She's keeping you around for her convenience. Good luck! You'll get through this.

I wonder if 'she' gets it.

Would it be a good idea, so that you are not anticipating her texts and agonizing over them, to take charge here and tell her not to contact you- period.

Maybe give her more finite information here so that she doesn't keep trying to keep you hanging on.

I'd be inclined to send her an email telling her you wish no further contact, and then remove her number from your phone.