Hi, I'm a 20 yr old student at university. I'm pretty sure I'm depressed but I don't know and the idea of talking to my family isn't welcoming I think they will pass it off as over-reacting or brush it off with a "go to the doctor" statement. Im going to try to explain how I've been feeling but I might not be very good at it. I have basically isolated myself from my friends, I have been ignoring phone calls just so that I don't have to make excuses to do anything with them, this has been going on for a long time now probably more than a year. I have lost the will to do absoluetly anything. Although this might sound dramatic, I hate my life. Ive been with my boyfrien now for approx 2yrs, I don't know if I love him anymore, I don't want to have sex with him, the idea is almost revolting to me. I don't want to go to university either I hate the idea of it and dread it for days, I'm not comforable around other people any more, probably because I've isolated myself from everyone besides my immediate family and my boyfriend. I started lying and saying I'm sick so that I don't have to be woth my boyfriend and so that I have an excuse to hide away from my family. I am constantly unhappy, I feel completely miserable and cry a lot more now than I ever did, for absolutely no reason. I don't see a point in actually living I have thought about dying but I know I would never have it in me to kill myself. I have messed up my sleeping patterns to the point that I don't want to sleep any more though I feel low on energy all the time and lack the motivation to do as much as shower sometines, I spend a lot of time just sitting in a daze thinking. I still seem to have my rational side about me and I have been analyising my every thought and feeling in an effort to make sense of this. I have put on a lot of weight, then removed it with exercise only to fall back on bad habits, I have come to actually dislike myself so myself esteem is suffering deperately. One aspect of my life is now that I have become obsessed with reading, I find myself being drawn into someone else's life in these fantasy books and when they are finished I am very emotionally distraught, I find myself wishing I could be one of these characters in the books just to get away from my life, then becoming ridiculously upset that this can never happen and I can't change my life. I've felt unhappy for a long time I don't know what to do any more I can't see any hope that I will ever be happy or that my life will actually be worth living. It feels good to talk about this, even if its really only to myself. Do you think I am depressed? What should I do?

You sound depressed, I know I have been for 10 years, with slight manic episodes but very few and far between.

YOu may consider talking to a counseler, ignore the stigmas you may have for them, they are there to give you imformation, a fresh look/ perspective on your life, and you use them like a tool to get what you need Help.

Do you ever feel super energenic and happy? Or Talkative, aggitated with anxiety and the sudden feeling that you need to be some where else? That describs mania.

I'll send you some depression info. But the whole analizing thing its like an achilies heal, you will analize things thinking you are rationalizing, but really you are polutting your mind with false sense of reality. That may be why the whole fantacy thing is getting to be distressing for you. I know what that can be like I've experienced it before too. It's really confusing, because your thoughts and feelings don't match up either. (well that may have just bin for me, as I am Bipolar.) Still things are confusing, and you feel empty, alone, and beside yourself as if you are not in your body but off floating else where. Eh?

I described my worst depression moments like this: "Imagine everything you love and care for: your family, friends, art work, writing, job, car, house, sports, sex, and sun shine/green grass/blue skyes/Forests and so on; staying jsut as it is, but you become detached from it all. Like a gray world of emptyness consumed you and though you "know" those things are still there you dont feel them, care for them, or see a point in them."

[B]Depression.[/B]
poor appetite or overeating,
insomnia or oversleeping,
low energy, always tired,
low self esteem,
Poor concentration and difficulty making decisions,
feelings of hopelessness;
You have persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" moods.

You suffer from feelings of hopelessness, pessimism and low self-esteem.

You feel guilty and worthless.

You have lost interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that you once enjoyed, including sex.

Your sleep patterns are disrupted. You have insomnia, wake early in the morning, or have been oversleeping.

Your eating habits have changed. You have a loss of appetite or have started overeating. You've noticed a weight loss or weight gain.

You seem to have decreased energy, feelings of fatigue, a "slowed down" feeling, or agitation that you can't control.

Simple tasks seem harder and you've started procrastinating.

You've had constant feelings of "life isn't worth living like this," thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts.

You feel restless, irritable, bad tempered, never relaxed or content.

You've had difficulty concentrating, remembering and making decisions. Your mind is hindered by a persistent, uncontrollable cluttering of down, sad, negative thoughts that you can't keep out.

You have had persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain.

You suffer from continuous anxiety that can't be turned off. You worry uncontrollably about small things (such as your physical health).

You are having difficulty making small talk and have started to isolate yourself socially or have withdrawn from your peers.

Your family has a history of members with depression, alcoholism or nervous breakdowns.

In children, you should look for increased irritability, persistent complaints of
Tired frequently difficulty concentrating or mind going blank irritability

Anxiety
Tired frequently
Difficulty concentrating or mind going blank
Irritability

"i find myself being drawn into someone elses life in these fantasy books and when they are finished i am very emotionally distraught, i find myself wishing i could be one of these characters in the books just to get away from my life, then becoming ridiculously upset that this can never happen and i can't change my life"-OP (original Poster)

This does consren me a little more, this can just be your depression and confution, but if it starts to manifest into violent beheviour, or you start to hear things, then you may have a psychotic disorder, or schizophrenia. So far, I'll go with no. Just depression.

Ok so I hope that helps, please go see a counseler, doctor what ever. They are usually annoying but these things are only fixed through trial and error. "Time is not important only life"-The 5th element, so get you life back on track. It can be done, and you can do this.

Any more questions?

You sound depressed to me too, I know how it feels to be uncomfortable talking to family or a counselor but there is other ways to get out of it yourself... start of small, go for a walk, talk to someone... tell yourself that God loves you and he wouldn't of put you here if he didn't love you... when it's a nice day out go out and get some fresh air... those are what usually help me when I feel hopeless.