Ask Me Help Desk - Can you believe this?

OK so tell me what you think about this:

Your boyfriend of one year tells you "this saturday i dont think we can do anything cause im just going to stay home and sleep" your like oh OK ill go over and just be with you. Nah don't even bother,then you think umm OK so I'm guessing this is BS so your like umm I think your lying to me. Are you going out with a friendor something?

5 minutes later... promise you won't get mad?

"you" say: umm well I don't know you have to telll me first

Your boyfriend tells you well our friend lets call her shoe, is having a hotel thing for her birthday and I'm staying the night, mind you, shoe is a girl.

"your say": umm OK first why the hell did you have to lie to me and 2nd I think its wrong you sleep over this girls hotel thing when other girls and guys are sleeping over too.

Then you think and your like waittt if shoe is both of our friends why didn't she tell me?

He says well she told me to tell you but I knew you weren't going to be able to.

You: umm what the hell you don't know that you could have told me! Well you know what I do want to go.

*later your talking to shoe*

So what are we doing tonight?

Shoe: oh were going clubbing then back to the hotel and stuff.

Oh OK so in your head your like so if (lets call my boyfriend cream,) so if cream didn't tell me anything he would have gone to the club and danced with other girls and stuff wow thas messed up

So you call cream and your like umm you were going to go clubbing behind my back and then dance with other girls and drink and do whatever you want like your single?

And he answers: not like I'm single but I am going to have fun.

WHAT THE HELL! I made it like if its happening to the reader so you can step into my shoes, pleaseeee tell me what you would do in this situation, would you call it over, what will you do?

MIND YOU: his mom never lets him sleep over my house but she said yes to the hotel thing which is with another bunch of girls and it is a girls hotel thing, and she doesn't let him sleep over my house.

Just let m know about your opinion good or bad or horrible, I want to hear it:eek:

correction, i meant to put to shoe

what are we doing saturday night*****

First off, he lied to you.

Secondly, he assumed that you weren't going to go? Obviously he has something to hide.

Thirdly, I wonder what else he's hiding from you.

I don't think I need to explain much further. The trust is broken. He either has to work his butt off to regain your trust or you can dump him and find someone else who will respect you.

I would be suspicious for sure, but was his reason to assume you weren't going to party, and stay over with your friends, valid or not?? He still should have been straight up about his plans from the start.

First, OUCH! My head hurts from reading that.

Second, you have a right to be mad, as well as suspicious. Tal asked a valid question if his knowledge of you not going being valid or not.

Third, the clubbing thing is pure speculation on your part. I've been to clubs, and didn't dance with a single person there but went because my friends were going and they invited me.

Fourth, his mother may think that by him staying the night with friends, even if they are female, that sexual interactions won't happen. If she allows you to spend the night with him, well that's usually what happens when a boyfriend/girlfriend spend the night.

Example. My mom when I was younger, wouldn't allow my girlfriend at the time to spend the night, but would tell me it was okay to spend the night at my friends house even when they were having parties at his house. Her reason, more people are there and it's not as intimate.

Maybe he lied because he knew you would over-react?
I know that's no excuse for lying to you but it's possible. Surely "shoe" invited you by telling you where they were going that night?

I've been out a few times without my partner, a few weeks ago was my friends hens night. He didn't have a problem with me going out at all, he knew I would be drinking but he TRUSTED me enough to know that I wouldn't do anything bad. Which I didn't, and never would.

I say it's complete inappropriate and he was well aware... hense the lying.

He didn't want you to go because it would have limited his freedom to do whatever, so he wasn't even going to make you aware of the party.

How did the invite get to you through 'Shoe', shouldn't you have been inviting him and her asking you first?

I can't define the ages, I am guessing high school ages, he wanted to go out and have a good time as if he was single... my question is Why???.

My opinion, this is a huge red flag and I wouldn't want a boyfriend I couldn't trust. There are many reasons he shouldn't be trusted listed here, not even going into any past experiences with him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shazamataz

Maybe he lied because he knew you would over-react?
I know that's no excuse for lying to you but it's possible. Surely "shoe" invited you by telling you where they were going that night?

I've been out a few times without my partner, a few weeks ago was my friends hens night. He didn't have a problem with me going out at all, he knew I would be drinking but he TRUSTED me enough to know that I wouldn't do anything bad. Which I didn't, and never would.

I think it's OK for a same sex night out... but I think he crossed a line when it's a co-ed overnight. In my opinion.

It is fine to sometimes go out with friends instead of always boy/girlfriend. It can be innocent and healthy for the relationship.

HOWEVER... He was asked to pass an invitation to you and chose not to. This was disrespectful to both you and the birthday girl. What if you had never found out and the birthday girl held a grudge because you blew off her party?

He lied to you about his plans. And its not even as if he lied off the top of his head. He took time to plot his course. "Just so you know, when Saturday gets closer and you are starting to think about how we will spend the weekend, I will be tired." What?

I would definitely question his motives. And I would not tolerate his lying.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I think it's ok for a same sex night out... but I think he crossed a line when it's a co-ed overnight. IMHO.

That is true but we were going to pubs with guys there... I guess I never stayed there overnight though... good point :)

OK right away when he told me his little lie he's a really good hearte guy an he's like OK babe I never lie to you so on Saturday she is having a hotel thing and wants us to stayover but I don't know if you were going to be able to. I don't know why I just lied to you and I'm sorry you know I never lie (he really never does, not even to his parents, he says he's horrible at it and will feel guilty!) anyway, I'm going to the hotel thing and to me, he's the type of guy that would just go to the club with his friends not to feel single and stuff but he prefers now that I'm going as it seems like it but still I am deeply hurt and I still trust him, I don't have a forboding feeling about him, at all, he got nervous and didn't know if to tell me or not, as he said apperantly that if I didn't go he wouldn't go. BUT STILL like he tried lying to me and what IF he didn't tell me?

I LOVE THIS GUY! And many of you will understand and many of you will not, but whatever he does, I will love him so much that I will not be able to let him go. We always go out together and we do everything together, he's never asked me for space, he's really extra sweet, always keeps in mind cute little details that I love, and every moment were together I feel like nothing in that instant second can get better. I super duper appreciate all of your answers, I wanted to feel like you guys can understand me cause I knew it was wrong. Our trust is really strong, very strong, he started crying after lying to me which broke my heart :/ I really thank all of you, hope to hear from all of you soon!

Lying is always wrong but my real concern is what the lying means... its seems like he is wanting some freedom to be single and I think your girlfriend might be into him and it seems pretty obvious that he wants to explore that possibility while holding on to you until he is sure he wants her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tammylibra

Lying is always wrong but my real concern is what the lying means...its seems like he is wanting some freedom to be single and I think your girlfriend might be into him and it seems pretty obvious that he wants to explore that possibility while holding on to you until he is sure he wants her.

Lol omggg no no no, our friend is like no whereeeeeeee near stealing him, trust me that's a big no no lol if that was a concern trust me I would have dealt with it but I am more than 10000000% sure that its not that, still thank you so much for your time<3

I let him know and I recommend this to anyone that has had a boyfriend/girlfriend lie to him, I told him *WHATEVER you do behind my back, I will find out, so don't lie to me cause it makes matters worse, even if its realllllly hard, you have to tell me cause eventually I will find out the truth* and that my friends, will happen.