My twelve year old son has a problem with sneaking food.

He has done it since he was young and it is always poor food choices that I would have told him he couldn't have. In the past it has been for example whole boxes of fruit snacks in one sitting, candy, little debbie snacks. The wrappers never end up in the garbage, just hidden around the house. In the side of his bed, the couch, he used to throw them down the basements stairs (that were slatted) so when they are found it is always in high volumes of wrappers.

The last time was when I made a batch of snickerdoodle cookies, I gave each of the children two, while we had two ourselves. When I came back into the kitchen there was an additional one missing. I asked my son about it and he proceeded to lie and say that he didn't know where it had gone/that I miscounted/various excuses before he finally confessed. He was grounded for one week for lying and sneaking food without asking.

Last night my partner had eaten about three bites of a Andes candy crème pie, he hadn't finished the rest before he went to bed and put the remainder of the pie piece on the counter that I saw this morning. Before I left for work I noticed it was gone and thought to myself that it was so shocking that my partner would eat a piece of pie that had been sitting out all night - as it's a refridgerated pie. Tonight after putting the pieces together I confronted my son about the disappearing piece. He told me that he had thrown it away. I told him that I had already checked the garbage and that I knew that isn't what had happened. Once again, he finally confessed.

We need a new punishment ideas because we aren't getting through to him. I don't even know where to begin with the disappointment that he -

1. Ate pie that was sitting out all night long...
2. FOR BREAKFAST...
3. without asking...
4. then lies when he is caught.

Any advice on how to correct the behavior. He has also done this at other people houses, where I have found out afterwards. It's always super sweet stuff. My son is very well fed, so I don't know where the behavior is coming from.

Help?

If you want, you could always take him on a trip to the hospital and let him see a surgeon take a foot off a diabetic.. . I'm pretty sure he won't touch sweets anymore.

In all honesty, is there a reason that he's sneaking the sweet stuff, other than he really likes it?

Justy I've got a perfect answer for you but you're not going to like it one iota.

Don't buy junk food in the first place to tempt him with! Yep. Just buy the stupid stuff like fruit and veggies. Get him into the habit of eating proper food. I'd recommend everyone in your family start eating good, wholesome stuff instead of twinkies, donuts, pies, cakes, little debbie stuff, fruit snacks.

You have no idea how tempting that stuff is to a child of any age and to be told NO and get punished is almost like telling someone who is a cigarette smoker that NO they cannot smoke a cigarette between the hours of 10PM and 7AM because you said so. Food that tastes good is almost like a cigarette addiction.

You need to show your son that you, too, enjoy good, wholesome food and not just junk food that you can control your cravings for. Kids don't understand that. Kids see food and just want to eat it nonstop if they could. Sugar is addicting. And you can skip the sugar free stuff as well as that is even more addicting! Just buy a bunch of apples and tell him that he can eat an apple whenever he wants to or a carrot stick or a celery stalk. I'm sure he's not going to overeat a bunch of apples or grapes or oranges either.

Try it my way and see if that doesn't work as too much "punishment" is just going to turn him against you. Trust me. I'm an old(?) lady and have been around a long time and know how a kid's brain works. My son is 25 and does not eat cookies, candy, etc. and I had the same problem with him until I magically solved the problem by offering all the fruit and veggies his little grubby hands could get ahold of. Worked like a charm.

Best thing to do is not have those snacks in the house. They aren't healthy. Have healthy snacks in the house.

You can't have those foods in the house and expect him not to eat them when others are.

Not to be cruel here, but you are creating the monster in him when the temptation is there, others are eating them, but he can't. So, in essence, he sneaks them.

Find a healthy balance that all can live with.

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Justy I've got a perfect answer for you but you're not going to like it one iota.

Don't buy junk food in the first place to tempt him with!! Yep. Just buy the stupid stuff like fruit and veggies. Get him into the habit of eating proper food. I'd recommend everyone in your family start eating good, wholesome stuff instead of twinkies, donuts, pies, cakes, little debbie stuff, fruit snacks.

You have no idea how tempting that stuff is to a child of any age and to be told NO and get punished is almost like telling someone who is a cigarette smoker that NO they cannot smoke a cigarette between the hours of 10PM and 7AM because you said so. Food that tastes good is almost like a cigarette addiction.

You need to show your son that you, too, enjoy good, wholesome food and not just junk food that you can control your cravings for. Kids don't understand that. Kids see food and just want to eat it nonstop if they could. Sugar is addicting. And you can skip the sugar free stuff as well as that is even more addicting!! Just buy a bunch of apples and tell him that he can eat an apple whenever he wants to or a carrot stick or a celery stalk. I'm sure he's not going to overeat a bunch of apples or grapes or oranges either.

Try it my way and see if that doesn't work as too much "punishment" is just going to turn him against you. Trust me. I'm an old(?) lady and have been around a long time and know how a kid's brain works. My son is 25 and does not eat cookies, candy, etc. and I had the same exact problem with him until I magically solved the problem by offering all the fruit and veggies his little grubby hands could get ahold of. Worked like a charm.

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Got to spread the love, I was just too tired to type all of that out.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

If you want, you could always take him on a trip to the hospital and let him see a surgeon take a foot off of a diabetic. ...I'm pretty sure he won't touch sweets anymore.

In all honesty, is there a reason that he's sneaking the sweet stuff, other than he really likes it?

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Kids don't understand diabetes. Some adults don't either for that matter. They cannot see the "harm" in just eating something that everyone else can eat. That's a pretty dramatic picture Sneezy (but true nonetheless).

J-9 I guess I was reading your mind so I just typed it out for you instead!

Honestly, I don't eat sweets often.

There are fruits and vegetables for him to eat but he doesn't sneak that stuff. The sweets in the house are limited and he is always a part of dessert when it is offered. It's a wonderful idea to keep them out of the house altogether but often they are things that my partner enjoys and packs with his lunch.

I doubt we would come to terms with not having them in the house as it's not my place to force that choice on him.

I don't honestly believe that it is our example is poor. This behavior is exclusive to him and has never phased or influenced my daughter in anyway. I think the lying is the most disturbing part. We have sat him down on numerous occasions and told him that the problem is not that he would like the snack or treat, but that he needs permission and to respect the answer when it is 'no'. He is aware it's bad behavior or he wouldn't be sneaking or lying about it. I would never say OK to pie for breakfast and surely not a piece of pie that has been sitting out all evening, that should be refridgerated.

Primarily I have thought that it had to do with his ADHD and I have made excuses for it in the past as it has typically happened while not taking his medication, but he is currently on his medication and has been since the beginning of the school year.

I will keep it as an option, although my attempt was to modify his behavior, not the behavior of the whole house. Although that I feel it would only teach him to overindulge whenever he has the opportunity.

It still will not correct the inappropriate behavior of doing it at other people's houses as well.

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

J-9 I guess I was reading your mind so I just typed it out for you instead!!

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Thank you, I was too tired to type it all out myself. :p

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

It's a wonderful idea to keep them out of the house altogether but often they are things that my partner enjoys and packs with his lunch.

I doubt we would come to terms with not having them in the house as it's not my place to force that choice on him.

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As a mother of 4 (ages 22 - 7) and a nurse, let me break this down for you.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

There are fruits and vegetables for him to eat but he doesn't sneak that stuff.

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Of course he is not going to sneak that stuff, it's healthy and the other sweets are decadent and off limits. If they weren't off limits would he have to sneak? No, of course not.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

It's a wonderful idea to keep them out of the house altogether but often they are things that my partner enjoys and packs with his lunch.

I doubt we would come to terms with not having them in the house as it's not my place to force that choice on him.

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Okay, now I am going to be a little harsh, but mean it in a loving way... Okay?

If your partner enjoys them with his lunch, let him pick the snacks up in the morning on the way to work.

You doubt you could come to terms, etc... Who's more important? A grown man or a growing child? It is your place to force that choice on him if the health of your child is involved. It's your child or the man, you pick.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

This behavior is exclusive to him and has never phased or influenced my daughter in anyway.

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Boys and girls are different. You can't compare apples to oranges.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I don't honestly believe that it is our example is poor.

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But, you see, it is if you have it in the house, others can eat it, but he can't.

I could go on, but I think you get my point.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

my attempt was to modify his behavior, not the behavior of the whole house.

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Sometimes you have to modify the behavior of the whole house. I am currently doing that as my 7 year old will eat mac and cheese 24-7 and it causes him chronic constipation, however, my whole house loves mac and cheese. It is now forbidden to have that in my house until my son has a proper bowel movement for at least 2 weeks.

Should I have it in the house for him to see? Nope, it will only cause him distress.

You did not mention the ADHD before. And sugar is the worst thing he could ingest! My son had ADHD when he was little and it did go away with no medication. He just grew out of it. If the food was not in the house he would have no reason then to lie about taking food. If your boyfriend wants the snack cakes in his lunch, fine. Just don't let your son see them. Hide them period. I know from experience that kids suffering from ADHD will do anything for sweets and ingesting the sweets can and will trigger more symptoms or make the symptoms worse for some. You have to remember that he's just a child and needs to start building proper food choices and who's the person in charge of buying the food? You are.

Your first paragraph started with the sentence "He has done it since he was young and it is always poor food choices that I would have told him he couldn't have." You need to correct his eating habits NOW and not wait until he makes better food choices. Doesn't work that way. Sorry. The ball is in your court. Mom, you need to do the correcting as he can't go shopping for the right food for him. Just using the medicine is a crutch for you to not go out and buy good food and leave the junk at the store and out of his reach. You are just doing your son a disservice in the end by tempting him with this. Also, if you would do some reading on the ADHD you will find that most of the time this can be eliminated with diet control. Yep. That's what I did with my kid even though he never took any medicine for it. He just was not given the opportunity to eat junk food. He quickly got into the habit of eating fruit and veggies.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Sometimes you have to modify the behavior of the whole house. I am currently doing that as my 7 year old will eat mac and cheese 24-7 and it causes him chronic constipation, however, my whole house loves mac and cheese. It is now forbidden to have that in my house until my son has a proper bowel movement for at least 2 weeks.

Should I have it in the house for him to see? Nope, it will only cause him distress.

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I quite agree that the entire household must be held accountable for every member. Justy must remember who is the child and who is the adult in her household. Children need to be loved and respected just like any other member of the family. Children need to be shown by example and not the "do as I say or else" method. Doesn't work. Sorry.

If the sweets are for your partner to pack with his lunch then maybe you could place the goodies somewhere in your room out of your son reach. Out of mind out of sight.

Children eat as comfort just as adults do.
Perhaps he is using food as a comfort.
I know if I felt I could not have what others had I would be resentful and taking it myself.
Punishing a child for a food offense seems very harsh to me.

Punishing a child in regards to food is how eating disorders tend to begin. Just remember that. He's already showing signs of binging. Binging doesn't just mean that they are scarfing up a whole bunch of food, but the binger tends to try to hide the fact that he/she is eating certain foods.

I guess I am a little befuddled with the suggestions.

The overall response appears to be that you believe that we don't eat healthy foods, that our home is riddled with crap in the house.

My son is not a picky eater, we all have a very well-balanced diet. There are limited sweets available which I would imagine only increases his desire for them. When sweets are offered he is always included. I don't use them as a punishment or a reward. I don't believe that I am teaching him anything other than that sweets in moderation is OK.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Punishing a child in regards to food is how eating disorders tend to begin. Just remember that. He's already showing signs of binging. Binging doesn't just mean that they are scarfing up a whole bunch of food, but the binger tends to try to hide the fact that he/she is eating certain foods.

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I completely agree about the binging, that is what I am trying to correct. I am trying to look for a good alternative to redirect the binging that is behind the problem.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

I guess I am a little befuddled with the suggestions.

The overall response appears to be that you believe that we don't eat healthy foods, that our home is riddled with crap in the house.

My son is not a picky eater, we all have a very well-balanced diet. There are limited sweets available which I would imagine only increases his desire for them. When sweets are offered he is always included. I don't use them as a punishment or a reward. I don't believe that I am teaching him anything other than that sweets in moderation is ok.

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You are trying to "think" too much about the real problem here. His problem is the AHDH that you are not fully addressing. As I said before this condition can be controlled by diet! What's so hard about that to understand? If you looked at sugary foods such as fruit snacks loaded with sugar as a "toxic" substance - would you knowingly feed this to your son knowing that it makes him ill? Of course you wouldn't.

You are way too defensive here in your replies here. That is perfectly understandable under the circumstances and is okay. But you must remember your son is taking medicine that can be detelerious to his health later on. Usually the Ritalin and other meds of that ilk are just another form of speed. This can and will put excessive wear and tear on your heart during the time of it's usage. You really need to read up on the medicine(s) he is taking for his condition and focus on the bad effects of the medicine(s). Remember, I have read a lot of articles about this as my son had this when he was little and he successfully beat this with diet alone. My late mother was an RN for 50 years and advised me not to use any meds on him even though his doctor said to and the school was pushing them as well. I resisted as I listened to my mother instead and am glad I did.

In your son's case he is on meds now and could very well still be off them if his diet is successfully changed now. This whole thing is about your son. Not about his lying about taking food. He is craving the sweets. Simple as that. If they aren't in the house (or he does not know where they are hidden) his entire demeanor will change, I promise you.

The part about "The overall response appears to be that you believe that we don't eat healthy foods, that our home is riddled with crap in the house." You definitely took this the wrong way. We're here to help you help your son and his problem. We are not here to point our fingers at you saying you are a bad mom!! He just can't have the sweets period, let alone in "moderation" as you state.

The sugar affects him differently than you or me. His body reacts to it causing a lot of his attention problems. Yes. Just read some sensible articles on sugar and the effects on children. My son was also lactose intolerant as a baby and I had to deal with that as well. Now he can drink whole milk with no problem. It took about 2 years using Lactaid drops to cure him of a potentially lifetime problem. Food can be successfully used as medicine to cure all sorts of problems. Your son just has an intolerance to sugar. Treat it as an allergy and you should be fine and he will be better within a very short period, I promise.