I'm new here and thought I might get a male perspective to this. My fiancé and I are having a lot of problems. He has anger issues and I'm working on issues of my own. It's gotten to the point where we have put off getting married so we can work out some issues. We are in therapy, but there is one issue that we can't seem to get past. When we argue, he always says to be that I'm never satisfied.

It hurts that he feels this way because a day doesn't go by, even when we're arguing, that I don't tell him that I love him and thank him for being a wonderful man. He gets befuddled when I point this out to him, but he stays angry and upset for days. We're suppose to be doing the mirroring when we argue. You know, I say something, he repeats it, and that way we know we're both on the same page. He doesn't do that, though. Instead, he just blurts out that I'm never satisfied. Is he doing this because he's already emotionally checked out of the relationship? It does seem he's giving up and doesn't want to work on our relationship.

I know I said male perspective, but I'm sure a lot of females can relate. Thank you for your input. I'm so confused!

I think if you are fighting this hard pre-marriage and working so hard pre-marriage to stay on the same page, I think the wedding should be put off indefinitely and you should be looking at going your separate ways.

Marriage and relationships aren't about fighting all the time. Sounds like you two are doing way more fighting then making love.

"What Does It Mean When He Says I'm Never Satisfied?"-OP (original poster: FBIuing)

It can mean a lot of things. One, you never seem saticfied with what you got. (this puts stress on him.)

Two, he doesn't feel he is fullfilling his responsibility in the relationship. In this case meeting your needs. (this makes him "think" that he can never saticfy you.)

Three, You say things that upset him, and he assumes you're mad at him.

Four, He feels angry about something and is looking for a way to vent, in this case maybe putting the blame on you, for something trivial.

Five, He feels guilty and gets mad at you because he is having a hard time telling you. He blames it on something vague so you can't identify any thing, and are kept thinking what you maybe doing wrong.

And so on and so on. Personally I think you should talk to him, maybe get some counseling. Your relationship is in need of some attention so you can decide are you guys just stressed about the wedding, or are you two really fighting. Anger usually starts with a fear, and then progresses till a person feels so scared that they simply lash out at anything to push the fear back, or stress.

I'm not sure what you need, but that's what I'd suggest for now any way.

Peace and kindness be with you.

You have to determine first what does he mean by "I'm not satisfied."

It could also just his personal and anger management issue. Ever brought it up in the therapy?

I think it's a situation where your personalities don't match up at all, but you feel something for one another so you want to give each other a chance. The thing is, feelings is not always enough. You need to be able to understand each other. You guys are clearly confused about one another. It's good that you put off the wedding and enrolled into therapy. But if you don't see any improvements to your relationship, you might need to consider breaking up.

There's no point constantly fighting. A relationship isn't suppose to be so hard. It's suppose to hapeen more naturally.

How old are you, and how long have you been dating, and engaged? What are the living arrangements right now, and how long have they been that way. What's your work history, and are you both college educated??

Sorry, but I know nothing about either of you.

My guess is that you are in your early 20s. It would be useful to know.

From a guy's perspective, being in a relationship with a woman takes a kind of giving that we're not used to as boys and young men. We're not called on during those times to give of ourselves in the ways that a mate would want: our full presence, sincerely listening and understanding and responding to what another person thinks, caring or having empathy with people and situations we don't usually care about, being emotionally accessible, and so on.

As boys and young men, our mission is to go the opposite way, to gain freedom from the constraints that our families, institutions, and society put on us. We learn how to do what we want to do. We see that as an opportunity for which we have high value, and as a right that we will defend, and as a skill that we are determined to master.

But we love women. Or, we love somebody and that person, in order to be in a romantic relationship with us, has requirements. We want to fulfill those requirements, but that calls for a kind of giving in which we have little experience. And the most profound relationship experience of our lives, until we hook up with you, has been cataloged in our minds under the heading "Mom."

So, we have Mom in the back of our brain, and approach you with the wrong ideas about what you need. Until we figure that out, we give and give and give and feel "You are never satisfied."

Many guys deny this. It's very unappealing to think this for a lot of us, but no matter. Kids model adults. They use what they see adults do when facing new experiences. The brain throws a screen up in front of itself and says "Try this. I saw Mom and Dad argue like this two months ago." (or solve a problem, or make each other laugh, or... ) We think: "This is how people do things."

The point is that guys who haven't matured out of the "Get Free!" stage find themselves unable to both fulfill a relationship and get what we need. We have to take a maturity bump beyond getting free and become ready for getting a relationship with you right. This happens best when we don't fight.

From your description, I wouldn't interpret him a being checked out. He might just be overwhelmed. Your wonderful words, as you describe, don't help.

Stay in therapy, with him or without him joining you. Make it impossible for him to avoid doing the work by doing your own and living it. As you get tools and better ways to understand, make them part of your daily life. Stop fighting and grow.

Read A General Theory of Love, especially if you want to have kids.

Amazon.com: A General Theory of Love: Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini, Richard Lannon: Books