Ask Me Help Desk - I want him back =[

Hey guys, this is my first post, and would really appreciate some feedback.

About a month ago, My ex dumped me, who I was completely in love with. Our relationship started about perfectly. He was sweet, caring, so much fun, and he seemed to really enjoy my company. I thought he had fallen just as hard for me as I had for him. He loved me; and I loved him.

In late July, I left for a 2 week vacation. The night before I left, he told me how much he was going to miss me, and told me he had no idea how he was going to survive without me. I felt confident that when I came back, I would find the same boy who I had left.

I came back 2 weeks later, SO excited to see him. We had a very exciting " cliche " reunion, but that's when things started to go downhill. He didn't seem to be as in love with me as before, he wouldn't call me as much, and it seemed we had nothing to talk about; that had never been an issue before. 2 weeks later, he broke up with me. He never told me why, but from others I heard that things had just faded; he was bored. I start to think this was due to the fact we never went very far, but I only went slow because I wanted it to last. When I got back from my vacation, I was planning on having sex with him, but the time was never right, because whenever I was going to, he wouldn't seem interested in me. It's been exactly a month now since we broke up, and we're still really good friends. We hang out almost daily and still have so much fun together. He told me once ( intoxicated ) that he would hook up with me in a heart beat. Every so often I catch him staring at me.

So I guess all in all, I miss my baby =[ I want him back. I loved him, I still love him, and want to show him I'm still the same girl he fell for in the beginning. What do I do?

Well give him what he wants...
If sex is what you really think he wants then say what you just said here...
You took it slow because you wanted it to last...
And if he doesn't like that then screw him!
No not really that but if you want a long relationship and he doesn't then its going to hurt sooo much more if you break it off after a longer time.
Trust me I know:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ove-34382.html

Wonder

Sorry Wonder but I have to disagree with you. If giving him sex is the only thing that will bring him back and keep him around, than he's not in love, maybe not even in like with you. Sex is a beautiful act you share with a very special person, someone who loves you fully in return, respects you, trusts you, and admires you. Your body is something special you give someone when you're committed to each other. He is not committing himself to you in anyway or form. Would you wear your wedding dress to the grocery store? Why? Because it's much too special for that right?
Did you ask him why he didn't want to be with you anymore? How could you have a relationship that was so special with this guy and not make him give you an answer to that? How deep was your communication?

Move on. Don't look back. And for your sake, don't hang out with him anymore, it only makes things worse.

Give him the space.

He probably loved all the attention initially - those first few months can be great, but a lot of the time are not reality.

I dated a gal once who was the sweetest thing for 2 1/2 months - then became a BIG CRAB, VERY Difficult, controlling - maybe you're seeing the real him.

Here's the DEAL - people want what they can't have - he still has you.

You back off and give him NO ATTENTION - I bet he comes flying back.

Yeah

Sometimes things fizzle. Sex is great, but shouldn't be the cornerstone of a relationship unless that's mostly what you want out of a relationshiop.

I dated and broke up with a few girls after a short period of dating, and it never was because of not getting sex... as in, sure I might have been anxious and anticipating, but I broke up for completely different reasons and would have waited for sex if all the other things were right. I'm guessing it's the same with him. Something was good, but then he either started looking around or changed his mind.

So he either missed the chase and the newness of a brand new relationship (really, your relationship wasn't that old), decided he wants to look around some more, decided he just doesn't want to be attached, or some other hang up.

The advice to leave him alone really is the best. If he starts missing you, he knows where you are. Do you really want to be with someone now who is just passing the time until the next better thing comes along? But don't beg, don't chase him, don't try to figure out how to get him back.

He needs to figure out how to get you back, if that's what he wants. You need to move on and put him behind you. It sucks, but better now than wasting more time pining for a guy who is either not interested or is playing with you.

Wow lots of bad answers for me here...

Didn't mean that she was supposed to have sex with him just to get him back.
That would just be stupid.

Thing is she said that she was wondering if that was the thing that kept him away from her. And if she was ready for sex and feeling that wonderful great feeling of exitement then she should tell him.
Anyway if they both are readdy for sex and that's what's keeping them from being together then why not...

I know I'm sound like som PIMP or something but as it being the most beautiful thing in the world and so much better when you deeply know and love the person you have it with.
It's also something to take control over and enjoy.
Sex is so powerful but iof you make it a bigger deal than it is you will miss out on so much...

But again I'm just 21 I'm a junior and don't know much... :/
But hey I'm learing... lots thanks to you guys!

And as momincali said...
Communication...

Talk talk talk and talk...
My relationship and ended not to long from now didn't have too much comunication.
Mostly because the girl I was with had a hard time speaking loudly about her true feelings... it was hard for them to see that during our relationship cause I just thought she was confused and didn't know what to say...

Like Wildcat says it's a smart thing to let him come to you. But first, from my point of view, I think you should call him and ask why he broke up with you.

In the mean time just have fun and enjoy life and let him sort it out.
Than call him after som time ( if he hasn't called you already ;) ) and ask what the problem was... and please do beg him for a longer and deep answer because otherwise its easy for him to just say something short and easy that lets him, not think.

Wonder

PS. And if you're feeling sad and haven't seen the movie Click... GO SEE IT! It's really great fun and tells a lot about love and enjoying life :)

Back off a little. Don't hang out with him so much. Make him miss you. Right now he probably thinks that he can have you back whenever he wants so he's playing you. He needs to realize that this isn't the case. You're busy, you have a life and if he wants to be a part of it then he's got to make the moves. Start hanging out with other friends, male and female alike, without him in the picture all the time. This may light a fire under him. If it doesn't, then you'll have tom accept the fact that it's over and you'll just have to move on with the knowledge that it was never meant to be.

Hanging out and holding out hope that some guy will get with you is a perfect waste of your time as if he was interested he would have already let you know. Your availability and willingness is only amusing him. Don't you have other things in your life than pursuing someone who is running away and leading you on?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Skaskank90

It's been exactly a month now since we broke up, and we're still really good friends. We hang out almost daily and still have so much fun together. He told me once ( intoxicated ) that he would hook up with me in a heart beat. Every so often I catch him staring at me.

So i guess all in all, i miss my baby =[ i want him back. I loved him, i still love him, and want to show him I'm still the same girl he fell for in the beginning. What do i do?

I missed this the first time.

Hanging out with the guy is probably torture that you shouldn't be going through. He knows you like him. So right now he's got it all. He has the "buddy" he wants right now, and he's pushing you into a position where, sure, he wants sex or intimacy, hell likely get it. Then, after he's satisfied and doesn't want to deal with the hassles of a relationship, he can back away again.

If you want him back, you want him to really be back, right?

Then you need to back off. If he's got something stirring inside for you, let it bug him... instread of it bugging you every day.

If it isn't strong enough to make him pursue you, then it wasn't going to last anyway. Hanging around to show you are available does nothing to solve your problem. If he doesn't pursue, you're done. The only reason to hang with him then is to be a buddy, and that's not enough for you right now.

A had a major relationship break up after several years. We were fantastic friends. I always thought no matter what happened I could stand by her and shed stand by me, and we both knew we were kind of drifting away from bf/gf toward the end. But I made a huge mistake in the end.

I was there too much for her. Thought that's what friends do. Sure... but it wasn't that simple. I didn't want to be a friend. I don't think she even meant to be malicious or mean, but basically she started using me for when she needed support, or a little physical satisfaction. Her daily plans were not involving me, unless she needed me.

Then, one day after shed asked me to come see her (we are sort of broken up, but still fooling around some), I drove the hour plus drive to get there. I get there and she asks me to leave, as some friends decided to come over, and there was a guy she was interested in, and hed be intimidated by my being there. I told her to *%$# off and never went to see her again. She came to see me once. To get her crap. It was over, it had been over, but I prolonged it and made an even uglier goodbye because I was way too there for her. I think in hindsight, if itd just gone away and let her be, wed still be friends today.

The point is, as long as you make it easy for him to have whatever he wants, he's going to run the show however it is convenient... even if he's a nice guy and doesn't want to hurt you. No big deal if you aren't emotionally vested and are willing to just fool around for the fun of it.

But I think you are going to end up feeling used, and he's just going to all the control as long as you are next to him whenever he wants you.

Time to cut some ties and be more distant. Be strong and assertive. If he genuinely wants you he's got some work to do. Being bored with the relationship isn't a good sign in the long run (though all relationships have that up and down to some degree). Time for him to figure out what he's losing by not pursuing you.

Then, if he chases, you still need to keep things on your terms. There's a possibility the chase is all that he wants right now, and the real work of a relationship is just more than he wants to do.

** edited in after posting ** I see after posting this that several other members have already suggested backing way off for reasons similar to the ones I suggested. Didn't read their posts before I wrote this mini epic. Obviously I agree.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wonder1984

But first, from my point of view, i think you should call him and ask why he broke up with you.

In the mean time just have fun and enjoy life and let him sort it out.
Than call him after som time ( if he hasnt called you already ;) ) and ask what the problem was... and please do beg him for a longer and deep answer because otherwise its easy for him to just say somthing short and easy that lets him, not think.

Wonder

I disagree about calling for two reasons. The first is it will tell him you still care and the second is he's going to lie to you anyway. So it isn't worth the trouble.

This is like my story ; we were so in love & one day he broke up with me & then he blocked me On Aim ; ( That's How We Used To Talk ), Right After his Birthday He Blocked Me & I Want to Make Another Aim & Write Him & Ask Him Why He Did It ; do You Think I Should :confused: