Ask Me Help Desk - Protective order... son hates me

Filed protective order with the court that has now become order of the court. My son hates me. Wants to be with his Dad. He can't see my son unsupervised. How do I keep them away from my son? Can I get a TRO?
Below is more of the story...

Dad has embroiled him so deep in the middle of all of this and has told him about money issues and sex lives and waaaayy too many adult details. It is
My youngest belief that the only thing that matters to me is hurting his Dad. I have been completely unable to make him understand the danger. The motion states that it is unsafe due to: neglect, drug use, and the dangerous situation with the neighbors husband across the street. She now lives with Dad while her husband and children are across the street. Although she sneaks in and out. They both call and talk to my son and make arrangements to meet with him while he's in school and come over to my house after we go to work and he's getting ready for school to visit with him. The 2 adults are getting my son to disregard the law. Dad and girlfriend are making him believe that what they are doing is right and that mom and school are the bad guys here. Keep in mind that he has MUCH more freedom at Dad's than at Mom's.
I only wanted him out of a bad situation. I really never cared what Dad did.
Now he hates me. I can't get through to him and he's conspiring with them over the phone and in secret meetings to try to hurt me. Now he spends his time trying to make everyone in the house mad enough that we might say "FINE just go live at your Dad's"! He's become impossible to live with and hateful and hurtful to me, his brother, and stepdad.

As a mom that has been in position and still am let me say this. With love and concern for all invovled. I had the same situation and I did (not wanting to and breaking on the inside) called my ex and said he wants to come live with you. He came over then two visits and a few phone calls later my son saw right through his dad and that has been the end and because my son initiated ending it there is no anger towards me anymore in regards to his dad. He is now 14 but that was a year ago.
So, my suggestion from my experience is first, see if there is a Domestic Violence group in your area have a worker talk about safety and concerns from the standpoint of other youth that have been abused and in the same situation. Sometimes an outsider's point of view is more convincing.Then prepare yourself for letting go if it has to be that way. This is not legal advise only from my experience and is a suggestion. You could also find another family in your situation and have them talk to your son. Then if he is still intent on being with dad then so it has to be and I am pretty sure (as children are way more preceptive at catching on) when he and dad no longer have you to "pick" on Dad's attitude towards the child will change and your child will see through it and ask to come back home.
Just my thoughts.
stillhoping4justice

Quote:

Originally Posted by msicmaker

Filed protective order with the court that has now become order of the court. My son hates me. Wants to be with his Dad. He can't see my son unsupervised. how do I keep them away from my son? Can I get a TRO?
Below is more of the story.....

Dad has embroiled him so deep in the middle of all of this and has told him about money issues and sex lives and waaaayy too many adult details. It is
my youngest belief that the only thing that matters to me is hurting his Dad. I have been completely unable to make him understand the danger. The motion states that it is unsafe due to: neglect, drug use, and the dangerous situation with the neighbors husband across the street. She now lives with Dad while her husband and children are across the street. Although she sneaks in and out. They both call and talk to my son and make arrangements to meet with him while he's in school and come over to my house after we go to work and he's getting ready for school to visit with him. The 2 adults are getting my son to disregard the law. Dad and girlfriend are making him believe that what they are doing is right and that mom and school are the bad guys here. Keep in mind that he has MUCH more freedom at Dad's than at Mom's.
I only wanted him out of a bad situation. I really never cared what Dad did.
Now he hates me. I can't get through to him and he's conspiring with them over the phone and in secret meetings to try to hurt me. Now he spends his time trying to make everyone in the house mad enough that we might say "FINE just go live at your Dad's"! He's become impossible to live with and hateful and hurtful to me, his brother, and stepdad.

I have been in your situation also when it comes to Dads. Not quite as bad as yours, but it is never easy. In my case, my ex left us when my daughter was 17 (his new girlfriend was the same age!) and his son 12. My daughter got into trouble for shoplifting with the new girlfriend. And she also took my car and went to visit her Dad and the girlfriend in the motel he was staying at- and laughed at me when I said I wanted my car back. My son lived with his father for awhile- then he went back and forth between the two. When he was 17, his father talked him into going to court and saying he wanted to live with him (his father was thinking I would have to pay child support- that had been an issue he had been trying his best to avoid since we split)... Anyway, the child support thing backfired- he ended up with our son AND having to pay child support. My son did not live with him long- he came back to me... and yours will too. All the arguing on your end will only make him want to be with Dad more. The only thing you can do for now is to let him be with Dad if that's what he thinks he wants- he will get tired of it. Kids are not stupid- he will see for himself what Dad is all about- and he will come back to you because he knows you are the one he can count on. You will be in my prayers. Being a parent is one of the hardest things that we can ever do- as I told my own son- they don't come with a set of instructions- if they did, we would not make any mistakes!

Quote:

Originally Posted by stillhoping4justice

"... when he and dad no longer have you to "pick" on Dad's attitude towards the child will change and your child will see through it and ask to come back home.
Just my thoughts.":) stillhoping4justice

Missed finishing my HELPFUL "rate" / thought to your response: (catherinetodd agrees)

"Sounds like sound advice! Wish I had tried it, but my son's "father" wouldn't take him. Things might have been very different if my son had learned early on what his real father was like. I never said a word about his dad, and by the time my son was in his late 20's or 30's and actually spent time with that man, it was too late. Now he hates me even more! Nothing to be done about it but learn to take care of, and learn to love myself. And love my son from a distance. Thanks so much for posting. I am so glad to read a story that turned out well!

Just FYI and not a legal comment in any way.. Not all dads are bad dads!! Lol