My boyfriend has a full time job, 14 hours a day, 5 days a week. So he's always tired and never wants to have sex with me. It's extremely frustrating because I'm still young, 18, and need sex. It's embarrassing that my friends who aren't even in relationships are getting more sex then me. I get so upset about it that every few months I need a new phone because I end up whipping mine at the wall and breaking it. I even abuse myself I get so mad because I don't want to break anything else. I want to know what's wrong with me cause I don't think it's normal to get this upset over not getting sex. We only have sex about once a week sometimes not even and I don't know if I can handle that. I neeed help please help me out.

I sense some anger issues here. Have you tried other ways to dealing with your frustration instead of resulting to violence. I think your boy friend is simply tired and he's only human and not a machine. Sex is obviously very important to you. Have you talked to him about your feelings about the lack of sex in your relationship? Is your boyfriend also young, or is he older.

What kind of work is he doing? I had the same issue with my now ex. I worked 12-18 hours a day, 6-7 days a week. Then switched from days to nights every two weeks. Yeah, I got really messed up then. I was a welder, and we had a lot of dead lines to meet.

She would be in the mood when I was way too tired and I'd be in the mood when she just didn't care to see me. Funny how that worked. Meh.

What does he do on his days off? Why does he work so long? I understand sex is important, but you are in a "stable" relationship, while your friends seem to be in empty dead end sexual relationships.

You abuse yourself? Like how? Cutting or what? Do you have toys and what not to help you deal with sexual drive on your own? I know a lot of women who prefer this to their guys. Even if you don't, at least it's something. There doesn't sound like anything is wrong with you, you sound like you are in your prime and reved for "making babies", hormonally speaking. Your body says, "it's time! Make a baby, you're ready!!" But your BF sounds like a work aholic maybe? What does he do other than work?

Ah I don't really think that the lack of sex is the issue, Frankly I think gauging from your want to throw your mobile at the wall? What the?
Your issues are more like anger-related (I'm assuming that maybe this could be a little frightening to your BF) I'm-not sure how this would affect MY sex life if you were mine...

The symptoms you describe sound a lot more like obsession-addiction. What are you doing to "hurt" yourself? Even though you have what appears to be an addictive personality (bear in mind no one can analyse you over the internet), I would perhaps suggest masturbation with some toys, or just yourself to get in contact with your sensuality rather than hard-core sexuality.

Your BF sounds like he may even be avoiding you with more work as an excuse, once again no one really knows this for sure.

I am only going by your reports of self-harm and anger to diagnose what MAY be your problem.

Best wishes-perhaps you may need some counselling to find out what /where your anger stems from.

p.s. have you been to see anyone about obsessive-compulsive disorder? Before? It's a long-shot but you may be a sufferer.

Cheers

Um... well, first of all, all MY friends were drug addicts when I was your age. I never even smoked a joint myself. Make your OWN life decisions, don't worry about what your friends are doing.
Second of all... Yeah, the anger issues ARE a problem. I recommend a sport of some kind. Soccer, kickboxing, something competitive and physical. You'll also find taking up more of your own time will make you quit worrying about how much time he's not spending with... well, the words I think would best express this would be banned, so let's go with giving you some hard-core quality nooky. ;)

Stop being angry with him...Sit him down and tell him that you are frustrated. Tell him you are young and feel that you have a need for sex...If he can, he will. He sounds like he is exhausted...I understand. If you can't work it out, it might be best if you all take a break...
If sex is more important than your relationship with your boyfriend, you need to move on...

Communicate with him, talk to him see what he is thinking.

He works at a shop that specializes in steel fabrication. Both sex and my relationship are both very important to me and I can't imagine my life without him but I have talked to him several times about this and nothing's changed so I don't know what to do. And I know I have anger issues but I don't get angry like this over anything else.

my answer isn't going to resolve anything, I'm afraid.

physical stress and exhaustion have a known impact on libido. Period.

my lover is a morning girl. She wakes early. Is primed early. And I'm the opposite. I'm a night owl. When most are going to bed, I want to go out. Want to dance. Want to make out on the hammock under the moon.

complete opposites.

I took this rather personally for a long, long time. She could read for 20 minutes before going to sleep, but couldn't look me in the eyes and kiss me for 10 minutes with meaning... and I'm not talking about sex, tho' I surely wouldn't complain... it took a long time for me to realize how tired she was, how overstimulated her body was.

I could put my mouth on her breasts at 4AM and get a woman with an arched back and hands pushing me lower. Do this at 10PM and id likely be pushed to the side.

so... the compromise? Well, mostly I wake up before God and the army to get something. Its better than nothing. I've had nothing. Its better-ish.

and on her side... she knows if I am really pressing the issue, that I'm not trying to be annoying... I'm trying not to scratch the paint off the walls or break a sink. Not that I've ever done that. More than once. Pull hard enough on a sink when you are horny beyond all get out and apparently the crap can break. Yea for superglue.

whatthehellwasisaying?

uhm... so on one hand I've come to peace with some things. I know my drive is about 3x more than my lovers. I know I value skin to skin contact more than her, sex or not. I know if she plays along with me at 11PM at night, she's mostly servicing me and not into it... and sometimes that's OK.

on the other hand... I think I've compromised enough and tried to be understanding enough.

at some point... if there isn't enough natural overlap... it's a real thing to consider.

because I don't believe a person gets to stay and choose to complain. At some point you say "i know how he is and i accept it, even if i dont like it"... or you say "i need more than this... i love you, but we dont have enough overlap concerning sex and sensual touch"...

it isn't easy. You can be with a great person you love who isn't right for you. I can't make that choice.

honestly, my relationship, ten years strong, has always been right on the edge... barely enough... concerning physical touch... and its being tested harder now than I ever could have imagined.

love the woman. She's great in many ways. But its always been an issue... and sooner than later, I get to choose. If I stay, I stay accepting that what we have is good in many ways, even if not perfect, and I have to find ways to let the noise wash away.

if I leave, its because I just simply need more than this. I'm wired for physical touch. Its just a big part of my mental being. Its comforting. Soothing. Balancing for me.

so... there you go. All I've said is I see both sides.

if my lover is dog tired I could do "all the right moves" and she wouldn't get to the big O. that said, if she's always too tired, well, what are her priorities?

I don't want to sound mean, but you're making it sound as if it's all about you.

You need sex.
You need a relationship.
You throw hissy fits when you don't get what you want.

What about his needs?

It sounds as if he works incredibly hard, and what does he come home to - demands from you about what you're entitled to in the relationship. It's not all about you, you know.

Give him a break poor guy. Instead of nagging him, make it pleasant for him to be with you without the mounting pressure of your childish tantrums.

And, if the "need" for sex is so great - buy yourself a vibrator and learn how to give yourself pleasure.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by modernromance09

he works at a shop that specializes in steel fabrication. both sex and my relationship are both very important to me and i can't imagine my life without him but i have talked to him several times about this and nothing's changed so i don't know what to do. and i know i have anger issues but i don't get angry like this over anything else.

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You may need to open your mind to more things. Your friends it seems, you out grew them. Yes you do need to do something about this, and yes as it is with any one who is in love, it's hard to imagine life with out the other person. You may think about counseling for the two of you. If he is not willing to take time off work, then it's up to you to make a chioce.

Peace and kindness be with you.

As hard as it is to think about leaving him, stretch your mind years down the road. Imagine having the same frustrations years from now. Anger that causes you to do "wrong" things is frequently turned inward, with us women. Hurting yourself can be the result, along with depression. Breaking up with someone who is simply not a good match is a whole lot easier than divorce.

Sensual touch is one of a few ways we connect.

Not saying he is a bad guy. But he also cannot just ignore your needs and expect you to deal with it. If it was all about getting an orgasm, we wouldn't need partners. Most of us can "self help" quite efficiently.

So yes... you should understand much of this can come from his fatigue. Its absolutely valid.

That said, you should not feel guilty for needing his touch and attention.

There are people who have tried to live with this situation for years who write in here... and ten or more years on they feel alone and trapped.

If I was too tired to play with my son because I worked hard... when is it time to say "enough"... my son needs me. Needs my attention. Needs my love.

And... its hard for me to fault a guy who is busting his arse, trying to make something of himself, for himself...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I don't want to sound mean, but you're making it sound as if it's all about you.

You need sex.
You need a relationship.
You throw hissy fits when you don't get what you want.

What about his needs?

It sounds as if he works incredibly hard, and what does he come home to - demands from you about what you're entitled to in the relationship. It's not all about you, you know.

Give him a break poor guy. Instead of nagging him, make it pleasant for him to be with you without the mounting pressure of your childish tantrums.

And, if the "need" for sex is so great - buy yourself a vibrator and learn how to give yourself pleasure.

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Could not have said it better

Its normal to get fustrated about no sex. I'm sure he's fustrated to but just does not have the energy. But a didlo and learn to please yourself. It won't make you love him less but it will relieve your stress.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chrissymarie

Its normal to get fustrated about no sex. I'm sure he's fustrated to but just does not have the energy. But a didlo and learn to please yourself. It wont make you love him less but it will relieve your stress.

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If you can't buy a dildo then just use your figures;)

[QUOTE=kp2171;1688518]

If I was too tired to play with my son because I worked hard... when is it time to say "enough"... my son needs me. Needs my attention. Needs my love.


Wow.

[QUOTE=simoneaugie;1689860]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by kp2171

if i was too tired to play with my son because i worked hard... when is it time to say "enough"... my son needs me. needs my attention. needs my love.


Wow.

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hmmm... =) is that wow "good point" or "kp is a fidiot sometimes".. I can live with either. Danke if it's the first... no harm, no foul if it's the second. Just curious.

... was trying to say a person needs to take time for the needs of those they love, and sometimes that means reorganizing priorities.

the example of spending time with my son is one that most people can buy into... your kid needs your focus, and time and attention. And while children don't get to take up all the time a parent has... every whim and desire isn't immediately granted... most people would say they'd understand the child's needs and the parents need to address this and not just say "tough"...

I don't think its all the same, but I don't think its all that much different either concerning the needs in an adult relationship. If he isn't spending quality time with her, or he isn't meeting her needs for sensual touch, or whatever... at some point he needs to see if there's a way to find middle ground.

he is working his arse off. Nothing wrong with that.

but there also needs to be some balance, or at least some belief that things will change for the better within a reasonable time frame.

I know a couple who divorced after a dozen years. He was blue collar. Very successful. Was making nearly 100K a year in HVAC work with long hours and great bonuses for the business he brought in.

but he never changed. He always worked his arse off and neglected his wife. Then neglected his two daughters. Then left them.

a vibe didn't solve her problems long term.

so...

I'm not saying this guy is neglectful or a bad guy. I've been through ruts w/ libido when I was working two jobs or the time I went through an ugly depression that lasted about 3 mo. It happens to the best of us. I'm willing to cut him some slack.

but I'm not willing to lay it all on her and say "your problem, deal with it, get some rechargeables"

some "personal problem solving" isn't a bad idea... but its not sustainable long term for many.

she, also, might need to reorganize her priorities, and be patient and supportive if this (long hours, drop dead tired) has a foreseable point of ending or adjustment.

** and a BIG addendum to my first post... it was late and I glazed over the phone breaking thing... just didn't catch how big that was and others here did.

my first big love had some anger issues, tied to sex. I once drove 45 min to see her (she was living in a nearby town), but I was nearly an hour late. Work got backed up, I couldn't leave, traffic was a mess... it just added up to my being late.

shed been waiting for me, candles lit, music on, barely dressed. And she waited, and waited. Didn't have a phone on me and I really didn't think I was going to be that late.

when I got there she was fuming. Had thrown a phone book thick textbook into the wall in anger. I had to help her patch it up and find a suitable paint to match, as it was a rental place.

it wasn't the only time she lashed out (never hit me) in anger, and it wasn't much fun when it became apparent this was a normal MO when things didn't go her way.

you are going to need to work on this. Its passive aggressive and it doesn't solve a thing for you or for him. Ultimately, her anger was one of the primary reasons I left her.