Ask Me Help Desk - Winning back love with ex.

Winning back love with ex.

Ok Here is my story

I was with this one girl for a year and we had wonderful and rough times. She really loved me and so did I. After I broke it off... needed some time to myself.. with school or whatever. I didn't talk to her for 9 months.

I call her after that long and realized my mistake of not calling in the meantime. I realized she is the one for me. I could totally marry this girl. I love her and will fight for her. I will wait a lifetime for her to come back to me.

So we started talking for about 2 months.. I apologized I cried, she said she accepted. I told her I still loved her... she didn't believe me. She said that love is something that grows. I really do love her with all my heart and I made a stupid mistake of letting the one I love go. We talked a few hours every night again. She said she didn't want to be with anyone right now. I gave her a few gifts that are special to her.. she really liked them. One was one of her favorite book that I got her and she read me a few chapters every night. I drew her a portrait of her... got her her favorite flowers and she liked all these. I thought things were changning. She then started to back away and everything and doesn't feel as into me. I called her for a few days and she has been ignoring me.

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. My friends tell me don't call until then. They told me that if she is at all interested in me at all she would call on my birthday. What should I do... this has been tearing me apart.

My birthday is in one week actually. She did mention things like "you are my soulmate"... before she started to distance herself from me. I know she doesn't want to be hurt again. What can I do to prove to her that is the case. I love her very dearly with all my heart.

Okay first of all it probably tore her up when you finished with her the 1st time you can't just play with peoples emotions like that I'm sure she has lost trust in you what's to say that if you get "busy" again you won't up and leave if you want this girl back you need to give her some space and gradually gain back the trust between the two of you I'm sure she finds it strange that you haven't been talking to her in 9 months then all of a sudden you are bombarding her with calls and presents and telling her you love her although you said sorry for before that just isn't good enough right now let her call the shots if she wants to meet with you fair enough but if you keep calling her and so on you will only end up pushing her further away.

What made you suddenly realise that she was the one anyway? If you ask me if you love someone as much as you say you love her you wouldn't have disappeared for so long I'm sure it looks to her that you were off doing whatever you wanted whenever you wanted and now your bored so you will go back to her to be entertained for another while until your bored again.

Take it from me when a girl says I don't want to be with anyone right now that means I don't want to be with you I'm not trying to sound harsh but I think you need a reality check when it comes to girls.

I hope I am wrong and the two of you will get together and be happy but take it slow for her sake and yours.

I do want her back I have to get the trust back somehow. She is a very romantic girl and I did mess up. I will never leave her this time when things get rough. Ever. I realized I was young and stupid.

She did say that she didn't want to be with anyone... but then she turned around and started calling me "hunny" and was really sweet.

I know it was a mistake of me disappearing for so long and that really did hurt her. I realized she was the one for me when I realized there was no one else in the world like her who loved me and cared for me and commnicated with me so much and had specific things about her that I really loved.

I told her I will wait for her how ever long it takes.

PS: she did mention she was confused about all this.

Right so, the both of us know now why she is confused I have listed that above so this is the time now to back off a little don't confuse her anymore take it step at a time ask her out to the cinema or for a walk, don't call her and declare your love for her that can come across scary.

You are making yourself too available to her, every girl likes the chase and the not really knowing what is going to happen next feeling, she knows she could call you this minute and you would be there for her as a girl I can tell you it not attractive you need to be more mysteries make her intrigued by you let her know your available and interested but that as far as you should say.

Okay so you know you love her but you don't have to tell her everything your thinking especially when you haven't even gotten back together that sounds to me like she is probably worried that you are looking for commitment from her and that's an awful lot to ask of her after all that has happened in the past.

If you take my advice you will see the benefits she will be more inclined to meet with you and just have fun with her no serious business!

Also try not to talk about the past as much as you can you have already apologized so leave it where it belongs in the past! Otherwise you will just keep reminding her.

Finally show her how you have grown up in the last 9 months that you are more sensitive now and realise that you were too immature at the time to be in a relationship with her, again you don't need to say this to her show her with the way you act towards her.

:) and don't worry just relax it will all come naturally

It is kind of long distance so I really can't go out with her. I am going to follow your advice and not call her or declare my love for her.

How do I make her chase me and miss me. I talked to a frined of mine and she said that if she calls you, that I have to ignore her at least once and call later or the next day. But How can I do that when she is not calling me in the first place.Im hoping one day she sees the book she was reading to me, her portrait and is reminded of me.

My birthday is on the 28th of this month. I hope she at least calls me then.

PS: the book I got for her was about her great great grand mother written by her great aunt who passed away. It is no longer published and you can't find it on amazon.com or barnes and noble. I not only found it for her... but it was signed by her great aunt.

I hate to do this. I have done this once another time, but I do not see the point.

I honestly did not read any of your original post.

Winning back love with ex.

There is no such thing as winning back love with ex.

Ex is an ex for a reason. I do not understand why you keep trying to go back to the past. Its an ex, now move on.

There are so many variables here, and if I read it right this person is also long distance.

Wow, wake up.

Joe

You did your part. You told her how you felt about her and now she knows. You can't win back you're ex, all you can do is take her back if she wants to come back, otherwise you got to move on. Stop contacting her and give her space to make the decision for herself.

Ok this is day 5 no contact from her. My goal is to go one week without calling her. Ive done my crying for now. I might do it again later. Im watching some Friends DVDs to keep myself entertained.

PS: She has a lot of guy friends and I'm just worried she is going to date them and fall in love with them and be taken away. Is this a normal reaction? Do you think she will miss me eventually when she is ready for a relationship... or to talk again?

PS: day 5 of her not calling me... I already tried to call her today. I mean me not calling her for at least a week or two.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

Ok this is day 5 no contact from her. My goal is to go one week without calling her. Ive done my crying for now. I might do it again later. Im watching some Friends DVDs to keep myself entertained.

PS: She has a lot of guy friends and im just worried she is gonna date them and fall in love with them and be taken away. Is this a normal reaction? Do you think she will miss me eventually when she is ready for a relationship...or to talk again?

Its over, stop it already. No contact ever..

Enough already. Your afraid of what an ex going out with somebody. Let her go out. Leave her alone.

Im just thinking maybe she needs some space. When she is ready she will call me. I will wait for ever. Because I really do love her dude. People have told me that she would want to keep me around if any guy she dates doesn't work out. Im OK with her dating that's fine, but I will still love her.

Your goal should be to stop pestering her.

Go out and see the world. Yeah, you can entertain yourself for a bit, only because you think by giving her space it would help her come back to you- but it ain't going to happen!

If you live for someone else you'll never live yourself.

Buck up Chuck,

Sarah

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Originally Posted by Ultima

Im just thinking maybe she needs some space. When she is ready she will call me. I will wait for ever. Because I really do love her dude. People have told me that she would want to keep me around if any guy she dates doesnt work out. Im ok with her dating thats fine, but I will still love her.

You're willing to be her back up when you can be someone else's not back?

Man, you love getting kicked in the b@lls don't you? I really don't know how many other ways she can tell you to piss off. She left you, doesn't call you, doesn't pick up when you become a phone terrorist. What more do you need as a sign? If you want to stop getting kicked in the b@lls, stop standing behind the horse with a stick

Ultima has asked for it in at least two other threads. Other posters have waited for it since this thread started. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, friends and family alike, sit back, grab a coke and bite to eat, Ulitma grab some ice for your swollen balls and get ready to get Chuffed.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I was with this one girl for a year and we had wonderful and rough times. She really loved me and so did I.

You loved her. You have no idea how she felt about you.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

After I broke it off...needed some time to myself..with school or whatever. I didnt talk to her for 9 months.

Once a woman loses interest, that interest is gone for life. One way to make a woman lose interest is by dumping her. Turns out this is not good for the relationship.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I call her after that long and realized my mistake of not calling in the meantime.

You realized nine months after dumping her that taking nine months to call her back after dumping her was a mistake? Seriously?

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I realized she is the one for me.

How did you realize this?

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I could totally marry this girl.

Uhhh, this girl won't answer the phone when you call. How do you expect her to show up at the wedding?

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I love her and will fight for her.

You were knocked out in the first round. You were knocked so loopy that you don't even realize she left the ring and arena and now you are just swinging at anything that moves. The fight is over. The fans have left. Trust us, your trainers. Take a shower, clean up, take a break, and prepare for the next one.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I will wait a lifetime for her to come back to me.

Some people's lifetime is a day.

On another note, I hope you are not telling her that. You never tell a woman that you will wait for them. Why? Because then that is exactly what they will make you do. Wait. Just out of curiousity what are you doing again? Oh that's right, you are waiting.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

So we started talking for about 2 months..

She sized you up to see what she could get from you.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I apologized I cried,

So you came off like a wimp. Women don't like wimps. Do not ever cry in front of a woman. I'm not telling you not to cry, because I'd be lying if I ever told you I have not cried over losing a girl, but never do it front of them.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

she said she accepted.

Of course she accepted. She's got you crawling back to her, she's got you apologizing. She's even got you crying while you wait your whole life for her. Hell yeah, she accepted. She knows she can get whatever she wants from you and she's going to do it.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I told her I still loved her...she didnt believe me.

Oh she believed you. She just didn't want to commit the same answer. Instead she probably told you something like that was indirect but gave you hope, while giving her an out should you push the issue.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

She said that love is something that grows.

Sometimes it just falls into place for me.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I really do love her with all my heart and I made a stupid mistake of letting the one I love go.

Okay. I agree with what you wrote, but the problem you have is you can not correct past mistakes with women. This isn't like making a right turn when you should have gone left and you can circle the block and start over. You broke up with her and she moved on. Then you came crawling back, begging for another chance. She saw the opportunity to take advantage of you and you let it.

Even if she had any kind of feelings for you, you never stood up for yourself so she doesn't respect you. Women don't go out with guys that cry, beg, and bother them all the time, because they have no respect for them.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

We talked a few hours every night again.

So while she looked for someone else you gave up valuable time to her, and much of it.

No respect.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

She said she didnt want to be with anyone right now.

She didn't want to be with you right now. Do you think if Brad Pitt showed up and wanted to date her she'd tell him that?

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I gave her a few gifts that are special to her..

So, when everything else failed, and failed miserbably you kept going and gave her gifts. To a woman a gift is a sign that a man has nothing to offer and has to try and buy her love. Which ironically is what you are doing. No respect.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

she really liked them.

She thought they were a desperate attempt to get her.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

One was one of her favorite book that I got her and she read me a few chapters every night.

When you spent hours a night talking to her, proving to her you had nothing better to do. No respect.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I drew her a portrait of her

A very personal gift, not something you get when you are trying to buy somebody's love. Way to over the top.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

got her her favorite flowers and she liked all these.

She like that they were free. She didn't think much of the guy that had to buy her love. A women's love is worth more then flowers.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I thought things were changning.

Really? I'd say they were getting worse. She had to be trying to get away from you more then ever.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

She then started to back away and everything and doesnt feel as into me.

Sometimes it comes naturally.

Of course she backed away. You haven't taken one hint from her. Instead of letting her be, you keep on coming and coming and coming and coming and coming. She likes you like she likes a puppy. You are there to take her emotional torture, and she gets off knowing that a guy dumped her and then came crawling back, but she doesn't respect you in any way and will not in the future. You can't turn this around because to her you are just rambling and trying your hardest and she doesn't care.

I interviewed a guy for a position at my place of business last week and he just kept going on and on and on and on. By the end I just wanted to get rid of him so I could move on with my busy day and every time I tried to wrap it up he kept going on and on and on and on. I told him, I had a lot of work to do, I told him thank you for coming in, I told him we would be in contact with him, and he kept talking and talking and talking. Finally I told him I was done and he could go.

Your like that guy. She is giving you every hint in the world. You won't leave. I didn't hire that guy. She's not hiring you.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

I called her for a few days and she has been ignoring me.

Huh. So you keep going further and further and she keeps backing off.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

My birthday is coming up in a few weeks. My friends tell me dont call until then.

Why call then? It's your day, why not do something fun and for yourself instead of toturing yourself over a girl who doesn't like you.

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Originally Posted by Ultima

They told me that if she is at all interested in me at all she would call on my birthday. What should I do...this has been tearing me apart.

Wow. Did you see what Rome said about you getting kicked in the balls. Don't worry I side with you. She isn't kicking you, she's using a baseball bat... wrapped in barbed wire... and lit on fire. She doesn't like you, she doesn't respect you, and she has zero interest in you. There is nothing you can do, you have come off so bad that she isn't going to be able to change her opinion because you have devalued yourself to her to the point you aren't worth anything to her. You are clingy, you cry, you have no self respect, you give so much that you are empty, you don't leave her alone when she ignores you. Bro, this is over. This was over a long time ago.

The only thing you can do now is let it go, find yourself again and make sure you do the exact oppositie of everything you have done here. Respect yourself, no gifts, no crying, and do not waste hours of your precious time with a woman on the phone.

Please listen to chuff, he is right as always.

Wow, this Chuff person seems pretty smart. Look, there is nothing you can do, you can't change other people, the only thing you can do is change your reaction to a situation. Right now this is about you not her. You need to get yourself under control, once you do that, things will make a lot more sense to you.

Why do you think she would fall in love with one of her friends? She has had 9 months to do that and would have done it by now! Anyway even if she does you need to realise you don't have control over that if that's what she wants you have to let her make up her own mind and her own decisions out yourself in her position so this girl you were once going out with calls you after 9 months declaring her love for you... your 1st reaction... prob scared! Then she starts buying you things and calling you all the time you would think okay this girl is desperate what a turn off! That's what she is going to think if this doesn't stop immediately, Do not call her no matter how much you want to let her call you and if she doesn't well then move on you have said all you can at this point don't embarrass yourself anymore seriously if you ask me you need to back the hell off and let her decide the ball is in her court now its up to her if she wants to play, another thing I can't understand is that for 9 months you were fine getting on with your own business then all of a sudden you can't bare not talking to her or being with her?? You say you are watching friends to keep your mind occupied (good idea) bit still what were you doing all that time when you weren't bothered about her to keep yourself busy? You can't just turn on and off your emotions when its practical for you.

If she decides to call you on your birthday play it cool have a chat tell her your plans for the day do not invite her to do anything as YOU ALREADY HAVE PLANS TO CELEBRATE IT if she invites herself along then well and good but please do not make out like your sitting around waiting for her to call, again this will be a major turn off!

Let her see that you are fun and exciting and not the dull moany person she prob thinks you are by now! :( sorry but I'm sure she thinks this is all a drag! So liven up make jokes make her laugh and be yourself let love take its course if this is the path for the two of you it will come naturally you can't force it!

Let us know how it works out! :)