What can we do to receive help for my father-in-law who hasn't seen a doctor in over 40 years, and refuses to see one now. He is almost totally incapacitated. We do our best to care for him, but he is in serious need of medical help with lung problems, refusal to eat, and numerous lesions.

You make an appointment and drive him there. If it comes down to it, you take him to an Emergency Room.

Sometimes you reason with him. Sometimes you don't.

There is no easy answer here.

He had agreed to go the ER, and we called an ambulance to transport him. When it arrived he refused help. If we took him ourselves to the ER wouldn't we have the same problem if he refused? We need some kind of in home help at the very least, but with out a doctor's request we were told it couldn't be done. We live in PA

Without him having seen a Doctor in so many years I am not aware of any "service" which will send a Doctor to his home - he undoubtedly will need some sort of medical tests, even if it's "only" bloodwork, and I don't see anyone agreeing to do that in his home.

Senior Services in your City MIGHT be able to help you - but I strongly doubt it.

My sister is a Social Worker and runs into this situation all the time - as long as he is of sound mind there is little you can do.

'numerous lesions' probably means bed sores and he must be totally uncomfortable. If he is refusing, then probably due to mild dimentia. Why did it take you so long to recognize what he needs?

Judy is right. Unless you can persuade him with something he really enjoys, lie to him if necessary. If you want to get him there, just do it. If you are really sincere about helping him, JUST DO IT.

Tick