 |
Ok, so here's my story. I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and just recently found out that he has been seeing another girl for the last year and 1/2. Finding this out has really caused me a lot of pain. Everyday I wake up and cry, I just can't seem to find a way to let go of what he did to me. Has anyone been in a situation similar to mine that could offer me some advice on how to forgive him and just let go so I can find peace again? Thanks so much.
Jinny, I am so sorry that this happened to you.
I had a similar circumstance many years ago. It took me a long time to fogive yet I will never forget.
You do not say if you are still together. I hope not. If you forgive and forget he will learn that this is acceptable behaviour. You have heard the saying "once a cheater always a cheater." Well, it is true.
Just know that you did nothing wrong. You need to know that you were the good person by staying manogomous.
You need to get back in with your friends, if you aren't, and start socializing. You may have some trust issues for a while, I know I did. But time heals ALL wounds.
I agree with J_9. I also strongly recommended some counseling to help you sort out emotions and then you can start to deal with them. I also have the same question, are you still with him?
Hi Jinny, I'm so sorry to hear such a story.Quote:
Originally Posted by jinnyb
I don't like cheaters and the pain they cause to their partners.
Don't EVER FORGIVE HIM. BUT FORGET, forget him and forget what he did to you. He is a lying cheating b*stard who caused you lots of pain.
Be selfish and think of yourself only know, think to get better, go out with friends and keep yourself busy, don't stay moping over this cheating loser.
Always remember :-
What goes around comes around ;)
No we aren't together anymore.. I did start counseling Monday though.. I was just so confused and hurt.. so I thought a counselor would help.. my boyfriend has also asked me if he could go with me.. I don't know how that would work out though..
It would be a good idea if he goes to one on his own... for now!
A new boyfriend or your X ?
Just remember what he did was not your fault and he bears the responsibility for betraying your trust. Glad your in counseling and I hope you leave your ex alone and let him get his own help.
Hi, I'm a guy who just happen to have someone do that to me.
This girl already had cheated and dumped me. She even moved out then she came crawling back. I wanted us to take our time because she started a new lease and well she started up with this guy online I think.
The thing is she lied and lied and lied. My family even accepted her back as well all went to Las Vegas for a family vacation. Last month she wanted to go to this gaming get together of these online gamers. I really didn't think anything of it.
Come to find out she was making a big decision on leave for California. Well I had no clue because I was just getting over the past breakup! She came back with a guilty look and a look so far from me I just didn't know what to do.
Well she said she had to do this and make this move, then I found about how deep she was involved with this guy.
I was still in shock because last month we had decided she would move back in. She said she was never happy, when I tried so hard to communicate with her. She lied every time I asked if she was okay. If she was comfortable and she used all of it to build this wall up and say I made her miserable.
Well she left for California and I'm left empty in life and love because again I don't even know where to begin on this whole situation. She lied so much on times she wasn't even upset to the days she was.
I did my part and I did it well, helping when I could.
Never would have I thought she would do that to me. I'm lost hurt and again shocked, I never cheated and was always honest with. I paid for her side of the bills and paid for some of her credit cards.
Why do people lie and keep lying... I'm upset because I thought she was my friend, my best friend. Now that she left I'm alone... I was always working with people that were older and I don't got people I can talk to.
I just wanted to get our lives out of here and have a better surroundings
Didn't want this
:confused:
Sometimes it is no consulation knowing you did the right thing when someone craps all over you and wrecks your whole life, bringing misery and pain and most and worst of all self doubt. Time can heal us but self doubt is going to take a lot of hard work on oneself, that and time. I can only say don't take the responsibility of anothers very bad actions on yourself. Yeah it hurts but they are the ones causing pain not you.
I'm sorry. It's not fair, and I know that. I've spent a year now trying to figure out what it was that I did wrong when I found out. I kept letting him come back even though he did it twice, but when I started seeing signs a third time... That was it. He's happy together now with that third girl, but knowing him, I give them another two months... Hopefully I'll be over it enough by then to not give him another chance. All I can say is, you aren't going to find absolute answers. You have to accept that this was out of your control. You're probably a very loving person, so don't beat yourself up over it. Best of luck.
Hi... unfortunately I don't have any advise yet as I only found out yesterday my boyfriend has been cheating the past 2 months! We were also together just a little of 4 yrs!! It's such a shock... I'm struggling to do my job which is very important. I don't understand why they do this to us... I don't understand how a human being can lie so blatantly... it's beyond me! I'm trying to keep my head up high... but it's difficult as this has only just started for me! I'm scared I'm never going to trust a man again, even though I know there are good ones out there!
You will get better, and the pain will go away. Being with someone for 4 years and having them do that is unforgivable. To carry on with an affair for over a year? That means he didn't have the balls to break up with you or he wanted to keep you and the other girl, so he is a selfish bugger with no balls.
Don't fret too much about forgiving him. That can stress you out, too. With all the millions of people out there, you can find someone who won't cheat. Just don't go looking too soon. Take a breather and see your counselor. I wouldn't take him-screw him- he was cheating for a year and a half, and now he wants to be supportive? F him!
I am in similar situation, I just found my boyfriend received a text message from someone addressing him as baboie and wishing him happy thanksgiving , I answered that message to let that person know I am his girlfiend in his life and he is with me. We exchanged messages until I let my boyfriend know and he was angry when he got made threw a tantrum blamed me for everything and walked off to his work trip to brazil I had no time to say anything I sent him tow e-mail I have not received his response he came back and was hoping I will forget I know this person was in china some on line chat thing still it bothered me he is in different city and I do not know if he is seeing someone there, I was not bale to forgive him I went through same stage crying angry, we have been together for 4 years. I know that he just does not want me to say anything to his family or break up so he is trying to be nice and will be here for a day and leave, he is avoiding the answers. So what I did I wrote e-mail of all I felt expressed my anger hurt I sent tow and kept rest it was my way of let it out. I have no friend who I can talk to because all of them are tiered of him treating me that way they do not think he deserves me. So my friend all I can say if nothing else and no one is there to listen write your feelings find things to do to divert your mind you will go through roller coster ride for a while but in time it will bring you peace that he was not worth it, he did not deserve you. Believe me what goes around comes around. You just do all you can to heal your heart and face the world most of all be happy with yourself . I understand your pain and have gone through. Remember one thing love is forgiving and ability to let go. It is harder done than said I am still working on it.Quote:
Originally Posted by jinnyb
So here's my story, I'm 16 and my boyfriend is 21, we have been together for 1y2m2weeks, before we started going out we were just friends with benefits I was 13 and he was 18, he was my first, he is the only guy I have been with, when we were friends with benefits I found out that I was 2weeks pregnant, I told him that I was but he didn't Believe me, then he moved away and I was so upset that I lost the baby, he moved back when I was 14 about to be 15 we started going out about 3m after we started going out he cheated on me, my best friend sisters told me, I asked he about it and he got mad, right then I knew he was, I forgave him, but I'm still so scared that he is going to do it again, he told me that he will never do it, that it was wrong. About 2m ago he asked me to marry him and I said yes... but how can I git over that he cheated on it's been about 1y ago and I haven't got over it??
Breakups are hard to understand. I went through a really bad break up years ago. It took me a long, long time to find myself again. Wouldn't you know it I re-lived it years later with my husband.
Try to focus on you. Get counseling, get out with friends, just try not to analyze what went wrong. It's not you, it's never the person cheated on, it's always the cheater who is at fault. Good luck, there is someone for you!
-lg
I am so sorry. I know what it feels like... I found out my husband had been cheating on me with the same girl before and up until we got married, all the while I was clueless. I could not believe the man I married was capable of all the lies and manipulation that cheating like this entails. Just be glad you found out before you married him, its worse when you feel stuck, like you can't leave him just because you're married.
I also feel like being cheated on can cause real trauma to some people, I know it did to me. I even experience symptoms of PTSD, along with depression. It sucks so bad, but just feel sooo fortunate that you can leave him and move on with your life. YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Krs
With all due respect, may I comment on "Don't forgive him, forget him" I really think this should be the opposite! Forgiving hin "DOESN'T" mean taking him back or putting up with what he did and his bull s*#t!
When you DON'T "forgive" him (and that can just be a letter you write and keep to yourself to get your feelings out) that means he still has CONTROL over you. If you can get to the point where you can forgive him, you will be much better off in future relationships. That does NOT mean that you have to tell HIM that you forgive him... just tell yourself!
Don't "forget" him though. Learn from the things you went through when you were with him, and tell yourself you are NOT going to put up with crap like that from anyone, EVER AGAIN! Forgive first... forgetting will also come somewhat after awhile, but don't forget the things it taught you in the first place! It will really help you out in the long run!
Wish I would've known then what I know now!
Just for the record: Once a cheater, always a cheater--- is a generalization. I agree, if your b/f secretly had another g/f for the last 6 months-- then that is beyond repair. But, if a couple has been together for a long time and one messes up once-- sometimes it is possible to forgive and still have a happy ending. But, I admit, this would be the exception.
I'm so sorry.
But, don't worry. Over time you will heal. Even if it takes nanoseconds at a time.
Try to get out and enjoy life. You'll notice you start to think less of him as the weeks go by.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:26 AM. |