My sister and her husband stole many household things from my home when I am leaving in a very far way country. They also stole couple times from my parents who are in their 80 years. I confronted her and she is not talking to me or my family. Her kids who were contacting me by e mails before are silent now. This summer me and my husband are going to visit my parents and I feel very uncomfortable with the situation. I talk to my parents every week and they are avoiding conversations about my sister and her family. My sister was the good child and I was the bad child when we were young. I do not want to get in a conversation for this with my parents because they are old living alone and I am not good arguing ( my heart start to beat heavily, have a hard time breathing, can't talk).
Because of the childhood when my sister was treated like an angel I am pretty sure my parents blame me for the whole situation. One thing very important is that she leaves close to them and I am on the other side of the world. Whatever I do is not a help to my parents. I send them money she got them somehow. I send them cloths she goes and take everything.
I send my parents pictures of the new home that we purchase, my sister took all pictures and my mom said not a single picture is left in her house.
I want to do something for my parents, nice to make feel them better and I see nothing I can do. If you are in my situation what are you going to do?

Come home more often for visits ?

Have everyone get together and expose them to everyone and talk it out? Get answers! Tell them how you feel about it.

Get together with everyone is my worse dream. I can't. I am not able to argue with anybody. I have no explanation why I just know is out of question to be in a fight with anybody. I just want to make my parents happy and I have no idea how.

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Originally Posted by Milenia

Get together with everyone is my worse dream. I can't. I am not able to argue with anybody. I have no explanation why i just know is out of question to be in a fight with anybody. I just want to make my parents happy and i have no idea how.

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No, you guys don't have to fight. Im sure you are all grown ups and can handle the situation without fighting and maturely. I think that is what you have to do. You don't have to be a good arguer, you just need to get it out there. I understand you want to make your parents happy, but do you really want their happiness to be fake? Based on false details? Is that true happiness?

The first thing I would do is get better, more secure locks on the house, and give them to a trusted friend. If anybody needed to go into your house for any reason, they need permission first. Email is instantaneous.

The second thing I would do, is have any money sent to them, through their bank, with an arrangement set in place that it be put into a new account that requires one or both of your parents access, and nobody else. Tell your parents that each transaction has to come with an explanation of what the money was used for because you fear that your sister is using it innapropriately. You don't need to explain yourself to anybody.

Maybe instead of sending clothes and cash, arrange to pay the yearly taxes on their home, or the insurance premiums, or hire a cleaning company to go in once a week (pre paid of course) to clean their house. Or hire a yard care company the same way to take care of the yard etc. Lots of ways you can put your money to good use for your elderly parents.

A confrontation will not result in any permanent solutions, and will probably just upset the apple cart even more.

I would circumvent your sister, do things for your parents that you have direct control over, and only they get the benefit of, and secure your house and belongings.

I think something has to be done as this problem will continue...

If it were me I would make sure that any gift of any kind that I have for my parents I would take personally to them, you can never be certain if it goes through a third party.

I would bring them over to my home for a holiday, let them stay as long as they wished and give them any gifts I have for them whilst they are there.
At least you would besure that they had them first hand.

In my opinion I can see nothing to be gained by worrying your parents with this issue... I feel sure that they know already but being senior citizens would prefer all that sort of thing stay under cover...

However that does not mean that your husband and yourself should not raise the issue with your sister and her family unknowingly to your parents.

Confront them with the facts/proof of what your saying, warning them that if there are any more causes for concern regarding further thefts, then you will have no alternative but to seek legal advise on the matter... mean what you say.

I'm sure they will think twice before they steal again.

I confronted them with no telling my parents and guess what happened. She moved some of the things that she took to my parents house. Than she told my mom I accused her and the things are in mom house. She simply said to mom that I left them in her house and I forgot. So my mom do not believe me.

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Originally Posted by Milenia

I confronted them with no telling my parents and guess what happened. She moved some of the things that she took to my parents house. Than she told my mom i accused her and the things are in mom house. She simply said to mom that i left them in her house and i forgot. So my mom do not believe me.

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So, really all that did was to get 'some' of your things back, to your mother's house, but the situation is not resolved.

I don't think your mother is ever going to believe you, and I don't think your sister is ever going to change.

I hope you consider other options to protect your belongings, your house, and your parents.

Hi Melenia,

Having read your post several times ,I get the impression that you have two homes...

One by your parents and sister,

A new one across the other side of the world from your parents, which is your permanent residence.

Do you keep the one by your parents purely for home visits ?
If this is the case could you either rent it out, in which case you could list every single item in your home... which you would anyway for insurance purposes, new tenants would have to sign a legal agreement to this, anything missing could be accountable for,also new tenants require a change of locks etc..
Therefore total restriction regarding access by your sister.

The other option is to sell it, maybe stay with friends on home visits or better still your parents, again this would limit your sisters family gaining any lengthy access to your parents possesions.

You say your parents do not believe you, you were the bad child your sister the good, of coarse they don't, your sister has already primed them very convincingly, continuing the childhood drama,without any input from yourself or your husband.

She will continue to put you in the wrong, gaining favor in the eyes of your parents.

Without an opposing view from yourselves
And continual pressure from your sister, they don't have a choice but to believe her.

I know you do not do confrontation but you must put this right with your parents, they are getting on in years and should not be allowed to hold the wrong opinion about yourself or your husband.

If having considered my above suggestions concerning your houses... temptation will have been removed to stop your sisters family
Offending against you.

I would now put everything down in a letter to my parents, explaining in great detail exactly what has been happening, how you've tried to tell them, but you don't want to hurt or upset them.

The fact that why would you make this up and for what reason.
Tell them you love them very much and it hurts deeply that they have a bad opinion of you which is not truthful.

Tell them despite everything you do love your sister but feel she should no longer be allowed to keep telling lies.

At least this way you will have put down everything on your mind and also cleared the air without a full on argument.

For right now I consider renting the house. There is no one I can trust over there. I think whatever I do to my parents they will not appreciate and I will always be the bad child. I need to forget about them even tears my heart apart.

Hi Milena... I am so sorry you feel like that, please don't give up, even if you don't want to visit any more, please try and write a letter explaining the whole hurtful story... you need to have your say, you only get one Mum and Dad don't let your sister cheat you out of them.

Takecare