Ask Me Help Desk - Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

Ok, I'll just start this from the beginning. I have been dating a girl for a little over two years until just a few months ago. She said that she just wanted to take a break for a while and not be tied down by anything. She isn't sleeping around and hasn't even had sex with anyone else. She hasn't tried to date anyone either. At first I was very shaken up and did whatever I could to get over it, and I did. It was the hardest thing ever, but I did it. I was always chasing her around like a lost puppy and not giving the space she needed, but I stopped myself. I did the no contact thing until I felt ready to talk to her again. Everything has been going well, and we've talked a lot without anything bad coming up. Reminds me of the old times. I'm not trying to get back with her, although I would if given the slightest opportunity. This last weekend, she had to get out from where she was staying, and she had nowhere left to go, so I offered to let her stay at my house. We goofed off and had a great time. She gave me a big hug and asked me if I was doing okay, and I said yes I'm doing fine. So later we put in a movie and she kissed me and said "this is an exception." We slept together that night. And the next day she was all lovey dovey and stuff. I had kept it in mind that I shouldn't be expecting us to get back together. So I kind of just played along with it. She was hanging all over me the whole day, and the next day too. Today she wanted to come over for some dessert, but she never showed. I went to her place and she said she had forgotten, and she was acting normal again, no lovey dovey. What's going on? What should I do? I want her back, but I'm not going to expect anything, and I'd like for her to come back to me this time. Help?

This girl seems to be hot and cold. One minute she is hanging all over you then she is acting like she doesn' want to have anything to do with you.

Not only is she sending you mix signals but she is giving you false hope.

I can understand the two of you having a weak moment because the two of you had sex but make sure that doesn't happen again.

She wanted a break so let her let her have it. Let her sort out without confusion she has without you. Also, know that some breaks are permanent so you need to prepare yourself for the worst.

Leave her alone. Keep yourself busy and don't let her enter your life whenever she feels like it then you accept letting in because you want her back anyway and take whatever time you can get from her. Stop it and let go.

Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

I will be honest with you I did not read any of your post. To be honest I did not need too.

EX GIRLFRIEND. Ex is an ex for a reason. There should be no reason for confusion and there should be no more contact.

Joe

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Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

I will be honest with you I did not read any of your post. To be honest I did not need too.

EX GIRLFRIEND. Ex is an ex for a reason. There should be no reason for confusion and there should be no more contact.

Joe

Have to spread reputation, but Joe is right.

She's your ex girlfriend for a reason. You're confused because you are suppose to be healing and not contacting her. But instead, you chose to contact her and it's giving you false hope. You guys broke up for a reason. If you were to get back together she would be much more up front about it than that. But that's not the case. So by spending more time with her, you're just letting her lead you on.

You're just dragging out the recovery. No more contacting her until you have fully recovered from this breakup.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

She isn't sleeping around and hasn't even had sex with anyone else.

You don't know that.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

She hasn't tried to date anyone either.

I'd bet money you are wrong.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

I'm not trying to get back with her,

Really? Because it sounds like you are. Especially when you follow that up with this...

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

although I would if given the slightest opportunity.

That's what I call a contradiction.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

This last weekend, she had to get out from where she was staying, and she had nowhere left to go, so I offered to let her stay at my house.

This was a huge mistake. Not because of what happened, but because of the lesson you taught her. That lesson was, she can break you heart, dump you whenever she wants and you'll always offer her a place to stay.

On a side note, I think everybody reading this saw exactly where this was going at this point.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

We goofed off and had a great time. She gave me a big hug and asked me if I was doing okay, and I said yes I'm doing fine.

To you that's what this question was.

To her it was, "If I give you a booty call you aren't going to bother me for the next 2 months are you?"

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

So later we put in a movie and she kissed me and said "this is an exception."

She warned you ahead of time. This does two things, one it confuses you and two it gives her an out for any trouble that comes after sex. All she has to say is, "I told you that was an exception." Really quite selfish of her, actually.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

We slept together that night.

Literally everyone reading this knew this was coming.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

And the next day she was all lovey dovey and stuff. I had kept it in mind that I shouldn't be expecting us to get back together. So I kinda just played along with it. She was hanging all over me the whole day, and the next day too. Today she wanted to come over for some dessert, but she never showed. I went to her place and she said she had forgotten, and she was acting normal again, no lovey dovey.

Wait. She no showed you and you went over to her place? No. When you get stood up, especially by someone who is playing this game with you, you never chase her down. Again, this is what you have taught her. She can get away with anything, and you give her a place to stay, chase her when she doesn't show up, and sex when ever she wants it. What do you get? Left with the emotional baggage. Pretty one sided, and pretty ridicules.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

What's going on? What should I do? I want her back, but I'm not going to expect anything, and I'd like for her to come back to me this time. Help?

What's going on is you are getting used. You have taught her that she can get whatever she needs from you at moments notice, as a result she has lost all respect for you. When she doesn't respect you, she uses you like she is doing.

What you should do is completely ignore her. If she contacts you make it short and get rid of her. Tell her you have something else to do. She has no interest in you, other then being available at a moment's notice.

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Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

DUH!!

Just explain why you let her do that? Please, I really need to know!

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

Ex girlfriend is confusing me?

No she's not , your confusing yourself.

Let it go and get on with your healing , your stuck.

She is using you buddy, like everybody said there is not much more I can say.

Love should not be confusing. If it is, then its time to let her go and stop letting her use you and play with your feelings and find someone who can love you 110%.

Every ex is going to be confusing, if you allow yourself to be sucked in. She was cold and lonely and your body was warm, she used you for the company and now she's feeling fine again. But hey, if you want. Wait until she feels lonely again and she will come back around.

Thanks for the insight guys.
I'm just in a weird state of mind right now.. And I did contradict myself. I'm not going to go out of my way to try and get back with her, but if I was given the chance to I would. I'll admit that right after we broke up, I was still following her like a lost puppy, and she was WAY harder on me then. So I realized that I needed to get away from her and I did for a while. I got to the point to where I felt like I could deal with seeing her again, and I could. She says that my house is the only place she has serenity? I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. I know I shouldn't get hopeful but I don't know what she is trying to get across to me. She doesn't act like she has nothing to do with me, and she sometimes pulls me aside to sneak in a little kiss. I don't think much of it, but it does make me wonder sometimes...

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

I'm not going to go out of my way to try and get back with her, but if I was given the chance to I would.

You're still not getting the point everyone here is trying to tell you. How can you want someone back when they left you, if they can do it once they can do it again...

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

I'll admit that right after we broke up, I was still following her like a lost puppy, and she was WAY harder on me then.

Its good that you realized it. Now its time to do something about it.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

So I realized that I needed to get away from her and I did for a while.

When you are blinded with emotions, a short time seems like a long time. She still doesn't want you back completely, so get away from her longer until she lets you know she is ready to be serious.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

She says that my house is the only place she has serenity? I'm not sure what thats supposed to mean.

She is stringing you along, playing with your feelings, making you chase her and be under her control.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

I know I shouldn't get hopeful but I dunno what she is trying to get across to me.

Than don't get hopeful. There is nothing to be hopeful about. She is just playing you. Don't play any of her games you ll just end up with more heartaches.

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Originally Posted by StNerevar

She doesn't act like she has nothing to do with me, and she sometimes pulls me aside to sneak in a little kiss. I don't think much of it, but it does make me wonder sometimes...

She's making you chase her or keeping you as a backup in case her life doesn't work out she can result to you. How can you be that back up? I know I cant...

Hope that clears some things up. Good luck!

- none12345

If the two of you keep ending up together, then I'd say give it another try. Maybe your relationship is just physical and that's all you really both want. Nothing wrong with that, as long as you two are honest with each other.