Two weeks ago my husband told me he wanted a break, I was caught off guard, I knew we had had a few issues in our relationship, but I am madly in love with the man. We have been married 4 years, and together for 8. So two days after this news he did not come home , and I absolutely lost my mind. I completely flipped out... I threw all his clothes into the driveway, tore up pictures, scratched his motorcycle... then I yelled horrible things at him, I hit way below the belt, saying things I knew would really hurt him. So now I have spoken to him a couple of times, he admits that he loves me and really only wanted a break, but know he is afraid of me and what I might do, and he is afraid of this happening again. We have had an excellent relationship prior to this, and most everyone around us was in total shock when this happened. Currently he looks horrible , he is not eating , lost lots of weight and is drinking a lot. I have apologized, and told him I am not giving up on our marriage, but I need help helping him get over the things I said. Any suggestions? Thanks for any help, if he didn't tell me he loved me I would just try to move on,he does not have another woman either, sadly all of our friends hang out at his business and he is just there drinking every night, then going home to his brothers house. Help!!

Maybe you guys need to go to counseling and try to start over

You can't take back what you said/did. You can just communicate why you reacted the way you did.

Your reaction doesn't sound like everything was fine before. Sounds like you had some pent up frustration and it all came out. Have you ever acted in this way before?

You said that he looks horrible and is losing weight. Is it possible he is abusing drugs along with the drinking?

As far as helping him get over the things you said... what about the thing he said, about needing a break?

You don't take a break from marriage. You MUST communicate. A break will not fix any problems, whether they're yours or his.

If he won't go to a counselor, then you can go alone and get some advice.

You can't fix this by yourself. Takes two to be married.

Don't be so hard on yourself, if this was the first and only time you "flipped out". Just so you realize that acting the way you did only makes things a lot worse. People say things they don't mean in the heat of an argument.

You keep going on about the things you said but what about taking responsibility of what you did as well. You acted like a lunatic, crazy and nuts and destroyed property and much more. He is in a very sad spot now, but If my wife reacted that way if something ever came up like that I would be scared for my life to go back too.
That is just my opinion.

You guys have been together for so so long. He says he still loves you but you need to receive counseling for your own behaviour and find out why you acted the way you did. Also get help in approaching this situation with your husband. Your husband needs counseling as well. I think it is best done individually at first and then maybe the next step as a couple.

You can not take things back that you did or say, but certainly you can try to change this situation in a more positive way of learning better ways of coping with change.

Best luck to you.

Joe

I agree with every one that say you acting out of anger and you let your anger get the best of you. I hope you didn't have anger problems before this and if you did you neep to address it.

However, you did your husband tell you why he needed a break? If not, he should have been able to talk you about whatever was bothering him so the two you can work on the problem together because that is what is marriage is all about.

I don't believe he has a drug problem because he is losing weight and looking horrible. He might has depression. Depression wear on people in different ways and sometimes it take a toll on your appetite and appearance because you don't care about them things.

Marriage counseling is in order but the two of you have to make to do it. Talking things out is very important because there was a communication break down so maybe you thought you was in an excellent marriage but you wasn't. Hopefully things work out and it won't happen overnight but you can overcome anything together.

When he says that he doesn't know what you will do, it means he lost a lot of trust in you already. It's going to take a lot of work to make this marriage work. Counselling is a first option, but it won't solve your problems.

For now, he's right, your best bet is to take a break and cool off a bit. He obviously has a lot of personal issues to work out himself. Seems like you have some anger issues to deal with as well.

While's working on his issues, maybe you can consider anger management? I know it sounds harsh, but if I were your husband, I would be freaked out by the way you reacted.

There's no point continuing to drag each other down. Both of you need to work on your problems first before going back together. It's best if you were to fix your problems while you are apart. That way, when you will both be stronger people when you find each other again.

I agree that you can't take back what you said just say sorry say you just can't handle frustration well but you're working on it.

If he has a constant hang out friend, you may also get help from that person to build you up with him.

Even if after taking you back, it will still take a while to get his feelings back. So just be patient and have faith.

You can't take back what you said, the best you could hope for is for him to forgive you. Show improvements on your part by going to counseling by yourself first, get your anger in check, the gradually bring him into the counseling sessions.

Not only do you have to be on your best behavior, you must also deal with the issues that led to him wanting a break. Does that also have to do with your behavior about those issues? Time to be a good listener, and see, and understand his feelings and fears. That takes some talking face to face.

I would leave him alone first though, just to make sure everyone has time to cool off, and bring some calm to the table.

Bad behavior has never solved anything, and once done, can never be taken back, and I am sorry seldom helps.