Hey all, I hope you can help me with my problems. I know all of you have possible tried more, and maybe, you can see some big idea with all of this.

First of all, my name is Rune, and I'm 19 years old. I work the weekends at a nightclub in my town, and during the week, I work at an computer-company, updating their database. I'll work there until I in December, will go the military for 8 months.

Now. February the 24th was the day I began, officially, being with my girlfriend, Pernille. Before that, we had met each other in the nightclub, where I work, and we had one night where we "were together". By this I mean we kissed and slept together, but no sex. The 24th we had sex, and began our would-be 6 months relationship.

When I first began being with her, I had a lot of things going on in my life. I trained regularly at a gym, ran and trained Karate. I also roleplayed, and had a hobby of making films with a very good friend of mine. Easy to say, I was not always the easiest person to get time with.

She was hopelesly in love with me, and I was happy for her, not as happy as she was for me, but happy, and I stayed in the relationship, because I liked sharing time with her, and thought she gave me other qualities to life.

During this summer, I had an accident. I fell 6 meters and landed on the hospital for 1½ a week. She was so afraid and cried and spent a lot of time with me. And I wanted her to come and help me, for I couldn't do much.
Needless to say, I lost a lot of weight, and muscle, so when I came out, I was weak and fragile, and still required help in a lot of things.

We talked about what happened, and she told me, that she was stunned of my reaction to the accident. I wasn't at all worried, and didn't think about the fact, that I had been very close to death. This has a reason - I enjoy life, and I didn't die. I'm very happy for that, and that made me smile and able to talk about the accident, as if it was fun. She was also stunned about my lack of thanks to her and my family - I trait I admit I should work on.

After some time, we went on vacation with my family to the beach, and during this week, she was also sad, that I didn't help so much in my family - Something I've never done, and that I, even though I had promised her, could let her be by herself (even for a small period of time). Things from her past also came back to her, as we had scheduled a meeting with her dad and step-mother (to persons who she hasn't had a good life with, and still have trauma). But during this week we also had a lot of great sex, and she was with horny all the time.

When we came home, or at least soon after, we stopped having sex. She said she didn't really feel the interest anymore, and that she found it boring. I know now, that I should have paid more attention to our sex-life, but I will do this, if we get back together...
During this time, I couldn't work at the nightclub, train at the gym, train Karate. I didn't do anything, I was TOO available I think. And this was kind of pressing her..

Now a few weeks ago, she began talking of us needing a break. She said she was confused, and needed time to think. I was first afraid of this, and said no. "We can make this work." But the fact was, that last Friday, we decided to take a break, where she could "be herself and do what she wanted". Now I don't think she have been with another guy, not at all. She isn't that type of girl.

This Saturday, I was at work, and she came. During the week we had talked a little, but I had given her distance and air, and Friday we were together in town, drinking and partying. We slept together (no sex) and we kissed a little. But then this Saturday, the same day that I had woken up with her, and we had kissed, she was a little cold. I asked her at a time: "Do you still feel attracted to me?" Her answer was: "Emotionally yes, but not sexually.." I can see why she is confused now. And why she at one point wants to kiss me, and have me close, but also get a distance to me.

How do I get her sexually attracted to me? I know for a fact that she thinks I'm very handsome, and if I take time in front of the mirror, before I go to town, she thinks I'm hot, but still, she needs something more?

Here's some fact about her: She likes experimenting with her appearance. For example, she has just coloured her hair brown instead of blond. I know she would like me to get another hair colour, and experiment with my looks too. She has also told me, that she felt attracted to me, because when I was at work, and other places, I was in control, and I had and overview of things. She also told me, that I was so cool.

What I think I should do, is concentrate on myself for a time, and not contact her very much. Go the gym, train karate, sunbathe. Take time getting control over my life. Be with friends.
Does anyone else have an idea of how I can make her sexually attracted to me again, with the information I just gave?

Is this the same female from your other post "How to get her back after a break"?

Yes it is..

By Runei

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What I think I should do, is concentrate on myself for a time, and not contact her very much. Go the gym, train karate, sunbathe. Take time getting control over my life. Be with friends.

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This sounds like a good plan. If she is attracted fine if not so what?

I don't mean to pigeonhole this wonderful young lady but the from what I gather, this is the type of girl who likes to use sex as a form of control. She gives you lots of it at first, and then takes it away... I could go on but lets get to the good part, what YOU can do!:D

Be very confident in who you are, don't question yourself, especially in front of her, like asking "you do find me attractive?" Don't ask that.

Regarding experimenting with one's looks, this is something you might do with your clothes, but otherwise unless it was your idea to dye your hair (and it sounds like its not) keep yourself the way you like it, don't change for her EVER.

Your on to something about the availability factor. As long as you are fun to be around, its not really an issue, because girls love fun guys (you made her laugh, smile a lot).

I could type more about this subject but I'm going to wait to see if you have more questions... and conclude with this.

Girls are often times more black and white then guys give them credit for imo. You just have to be a VERY good listener. They ultimately reveal what they want you just have to pick up on the subtle hints, and sort of play the game they want you to play. Sounds to me like you have a lot figured out about this girl, stick to your guns, be confident about who you are (because that's who she was attracted to when you 2 met), and be spontaneus with her, but not sappy. She'll need to be won-over with trust and what appear to be open communication, just don't reveal everything in your bag of tricks just yet.

Provide an escape for her, she'll want more of that, that's why she changes her appearance so much...

I'm sure this will work out in your favor, just ask yourself what you would like to see happen between the two of you a few yrs down the road...

Hope this helps!

I agree with CAOrange. Definitely. <3

Yeah.

Id leave her be. She's all over the place and sounds like she's trying to find places to tie strings so she can make you dance like a puppet.

Get yourself strong. You don't need the head games. If the sex is great for you, but she's saying whatever, then either its not so great or she's just messing with you. Great that she was by you when you were hurt, but that doesn't mean you need to put up with being put down.

Id leave her alone until she does find the passion. And even then, you still might need to let her deal with it without you.

Well... to build attraction... be the fun guy - no pressure - tease her a little, make fun of her a little - not in a mean way. Be mysterious - not always available. Be confident - always - and cool - no insecurities - no NEEDY - sounds like that's what she liked initially. Remember the stuff she liked about you initially - it's easy to get lazy (never do this) after 6 months. Be busy - do fun stuff. Smile at her and laugh... no tough questions. Be the man!! No soft guy.

Another key tip - keep the ball in your court - you lead. Quit sending the ball in her court. Have her call you more and chase... this may take time.

But I see it time and again as a guy gets a few months in a relationship, the ball is in her court more and more - folows HER around. Tries to be all agreeable.

Always have a spine and stand up women - it's OK to get into an argument - she may fall for you more - NEVER be agreeable if you strongly believe in something different.

Here's more Dude - GREAT STUFF!! Just found it today.


Sexy Qualities You Can Cultivate
By Oskar McHendry
Sex Education Correspondent - Every Saturday



Women often make up their minds about what kind of guy you are within the first 15 seconds of meeting you. Oftentimes they know (or think they know) everything that they need to simply from seeing you across the room.
There are a select number of qualities that women will discern and then use to make a snap judgment on your screw-ability. Here are some steps you can take to cultivate them and up your chances.

1- Create an element of danger
The element of danger is best described as a combination of unpredictability and mystery. If you have this appeal, you play by your own rules. You don't take crap from anyone. You exist in your own space and the room adapts to you, not the other way around. You want people to feel your presence when you walk in.

2- Play up your physical attributes
If you have a good ***, a good chest, strong arms... then show them off. Not that you need the six-pack abs and chiseled physique, but stay in shape with some jogging or weight training -- it's always a good thing. Just don't obsess over fitness or you'll be branded a vain meathead.

3- Be well-groomed
Just the fact that you care about yourself enough to work on your look gives you what marketing people would called "added value." If you believe you're worth the extra effort in front of the mirror, women are all the more likely to believe you're worth looking at. Just don't go so far that you look too manicured or you'll be seen as a narcissist.

If it works for you, then the two- or three-day stubble might give you that bad boy look women love. Good cologne used sparingly goes a long way on a man. Have trimmed and clean nails. Keep your hands moisturized (women appreciate this). Keep your clothes wrinkle-free.

4- Let your sense of humor fly
Women love a sense of humor. Be quick. Be witty. Be clever. And be elusive. A sense of humor is perfect for keeping the conversation moving. Remember to be light with your humor. No joking about "downer" topics or being too self-effacing. When possible, use your sense of humor to tease them. For example, "Hey girl, you're not supposed to wear white after Labor Day, why are you breaking the rules?"

5- Do the cool, confident thing
Exude an air of power. You want people to listen when you talk and care about your opinion. You need to show confidence. There's no greater aphrodisiac. Stay in control, there's nothing you can't handle. And don't get caught up in petty squabbles. Be the "bigger" man consistently. Furthermore, speak in a clear, deep voice. Men are given a deep register, use it more.

You need to be comfortable in your own skin; proud of your look, your social skills and your posture.


The rules of engagement

There are many, many ways to reach the top of your game, but chances are that when you do, you will have (at least, in part) developed some of these traits in yourself. If you're starting from the bottom, you really can't go wrong pursuing these qualities. Believe it and you can be it!