Ask Me Help Desk - I have a 9 week old, should I seek child support?

Hello. I'd like to give a brief background about my baby's dad. I first began dating him 3 years ago. After 7 months our relationship ended, then later rekindled. I had trust issues that cause problems between us. Needless to say I became pregnant & everything turned for the worst! He became verbally abusive & claimed I killed his joy regarding our unborn child & said he may feel differently once she's born. He was disrespectful towards me while in the hospital & it took him a week to sign her birth certificate. He tells me that he wants to work things out but says he won't do so unless I change omitting his behavior. He then tried to manipulate me to believe that we were never together in a relationship & that he's "conversing" with someone else. He's working two jobs (one in which I helped put his foot in the door) in school & active in the church therefore I don't pressure him about seeing our daughter and have never denied him to see her. When I suggested that I was going to seek child support, he angerly said that if I seek child support then he was going to file for joint custody and I will have to pay him. I want to give him the opportunity to be involved in her life and provide support financially. I just placed her in daycare in which is very costly and we agreed to share the cost but so far I've had to pay. He just recently received a court order to pay child support for a 3 yr old so now he says he is going to terminate his cell phone (the only source of communication besides a wrk ph) because he can't afford it. But I don't believe him based on our history & he has 4 kids (including mine) that he needs to communicate with. Also, if I place him on child support he may stop paying on a vehicle we co-own in which I may become responsible for. I don't know what I should do. I want to apply for support more so now because of the cell phone issue & he says he's searching for another job.

Seems like he needs to pay attention in that church he goes to, since he is not acting very religious.

Of course you get a formal custody order and file for child support,

You need to file for support and let the Judge know every concern.
I wouldn't tell him anything. File for support and don't even mention custody. Let him do that on his own if he is serious. Like if you file for support and then he later files for joint custody after he finds out then it might be easier to show that he filed for support because you filed for custody. Make sure you tell the Judge about the car issue too.
Does he have court orders for his other children to spend time with him?
If you are afraid of letting your daughter have visitations with him you can ask for supervised visits and tell the Judge your concens.
I wouldn't let him off scott free. That is not fair to you or your daughter and too many guys get away with it at the expense of the tax payers. Maybe he will think twice about having more kids too.

Don't let him intimidate you. Even if he got joint physical custody (unlikley) You wouldn't be paying him. At most you would each share equally in support. You should have filed for support immediately.

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

I wouldn't let him off scott free. .

P.S. Its SCOT free, I am not free, I'm rather expensive ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by N0help4u

You need to file for support and let the Judge know every concern.
I wouldn't tell him anything. File for support and don't even mention custody. Let him do that on his own if he is serious. Like if you file for support and then he later files for joint custody after he finds out then it might be easier to show that he filed for support because you filed for custody. Make sure you tell the Judge about the car issue too.
Does he have court orders for his other children to spend time with him?
If you are afraid of letting your daughter have visitations with him you can ask for supervised visits and tell the Judge your concens.
I wouldn't let him off scott free. That is not fair to you or your daughter and too many guys get away with it at the expense of the tax payers. Maybe he will think twice about having more kids too.

Thanks for responding.
He doesn't have a court order for two of his other kids nor does he pay child support. When we first met I asked if he take care of his kids (only 2 @ the time) because I never wanted to pay child support for a dead beat dad. He told me that he takes care of his kids therefore the children's mother doesn't have to apply for support. After being involved with him, I find out otherwise. He did not regularly provide monthly financial support for those two kids as he suggested at least I didn't see it for I was balancing his checkbook at the time. Also, his ex-wife who has placed him on child support told me that he doesn't take care of his children. I can't believe what he says but he told me that he and the ex has joint custody (the child lives in another state) & as soon as he finds a school, then they can exercise the custody--1/2 a yr and she must pay support to him. This is probably why he's saying I will have to pay him support however I would think that the months the child is with him he wouldn't be required to pay support. I really think he doesn't want joint custody he's threatening me so I won't do it. I don't think he wants her, I think he's being vindictive---besides I think she's his dirty little secret in which he doesn't want the church to know about.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee34

I can't believe what he says but he told me that he and the ex has joint custody (the child lives in another state) & as soon as he finds a school, then they can excercise the custody--1/2 a yr and she must pay support to him. .

It doesn't work that way. Schools are not half a year and no court is going to allow a parent to break up a child's school year. What he probably has is joint LEGAL custody but the mother has primary PHYSICAL custody. And the primary is the one that gets support. The odds of him becomng primary is extremely small.

Scott is right the court doesn't work that way.
He would possibly get them during the summer months and she have them during the school months. He could possibly get them for Christmas break but the court won't have them going to two different schools or anything like that. Then too she is primary caretaker so she doesn't pay child support while he has the kids.