Ask Me Help Desk - I don't know what to do

I have been married for three years with my husband. I have gained weight over the years we have been together it's a constant battle... I am worried he doesn't find me attractive anymore... He plays his video games all the time and he always talks about cars... I have bought I don't know how many sexy outfits to wear at night but when I get all dressed up and come into the bed room I don't get any reaction from him at all... I have tried just wearing nothingthen pjs and still no reaction from him. I have caught him looking and commenting on very very sexy women. I feel that I am not attractive to him any more that some how my wieght has become an issue... not that I have gianed a lot just four sizes and all... what should I do?? I have talked tohim about it before but all I get is I love you just the way you are even if our 1000 lbs I would still love you... plase help I feel so helpless and confused...

Very concerned and huert wife:(

Sorry to hear you are having some problems. It is easy to say one thing and feel/believe another. He might not mind some extra pounds and he might -- only his heart will "truly" know.

Worried that he doesn't find you attractive should take a back seat to what you feel about yourself. I can't say that it can just be thrown out the door because you are married and your body belongs to him and his to you. Obviously exaggerating here, but I'm sure you would still love him if he gained 300 lbs. but I'm sure you find him more attractive without it! Definitely sounds like you have some self-esteem issues and probably also a communication problem.

By all means do what it takes to make yourself happy. Living an active lifestyle is heather, releaves stress. You might find that there is something you could do together. Ride bikes, join a gym, go for long walks (preferrably on the beach) Marriage can be tough enough without having to worry about all of this. The real root of the issue definitely sounds like there is more of a communication issue than anything. That mere fact that you mention "he plays video games all the time" is an indication that some communication needs to occur. He can have some "guy time" but guy-time ain't all the time.

I say, make yourself happy first, find yourself attractive, because if you don't like your look then it doesn't matter how many people say or believe and think you are beautiful, you still won't believe them.

You may consider going to the gym, which will not only make you a healthier/ more desirable weight, but also makes you feel happy due to endorphines being released in the brain, Your body will start to adjust and you will feel better. It's your body and if you don't think he thinks your beautiful then you are going to send off "the wrong signals", with out knowing it. Cardio is the area you'll want to focus on I think.

Diet is important as well, in north america and most other places, we are all way too unhealthy. Too much processed foods and all. Little to no nutrients in our meals.

Get up and take him out too, go for walks. Exercising, can get the sexual hormones going, and some people get really reved up after working out. Got to love endorphines haha.

Ok, that's about all I got. Focus on being happy with yourself, because then you will show others that they can be too. Eh?

Thanks for all the help... We figured out why it was going on aparently he was afraid that if we had too much sex that I would get pregnant again and we would loose another baby so we are now am taking birthcontrol to ease his mind and to help get me regulated. He said that he would like to have more kids someday but when he is able to move on from our sons death and all so now he is seeing a grevence counselor and all to help him get past it.

That is a very good step. When there is a loss, it is very hard to get over something like that and everybody grieves in a different way. It is good you found out what was going on. It is a good step seeing a counselor to help him get past it but I honestly do not think anybody recovers 100 percent after a loss.

Any kind of loss is hard but it is best to get help before deciding to have more children.

Best luck and wishes to the both of you.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

That is a very good step. When there is a loss, it is very hard to get over something like that and everybody grieves in a different way. It is good you found out what was going on. It is a good step seeing a counselor to help him get past it but I honestly do not think anybody recovers 100 percent after a loss.

Any kind of loss is hard but it is best to get help before deciding to have more children.

Best luck and wishes to the both of you.

Joe

Thanks joe we have been through a lot and yes I know we will never fully get over losing Meakeal but I think if we can get him to the piont of moving on it will be good for him..