Hi everyone! Sorry if this is a bit long. I'll try to break it down and paraphrase as much as I can.


I started dating this guy, who was in a relationship who wanted out of it.
So, after he broke up with her we started hanging out and getting to know each other.

Then we started dating, for about four months.
We saw each other everyday, talked on the phone, texted, IMed, you name it.
We both agreed to keep it on the low, the relationship, because our school community is quite small. Everyone talks.
And we both knew that that's how rumors started, and how all that talk would lead to problems. So we kept it between our close friends.

And it worked.
Until one dinner night.
I wasn't supposed to go, but I ended up going. He totally blew me off. He acted like we were "friends." The funny and quite ironic thing was that everyone at that table knew we were dating. Except for him.

So after the dinner I told him that I can't do it anymore, him being angry at me when some of friends think I'm not in a relationship. And him, walking like he's single and no one knowing he has a girlfriend except two of his friends.

I was sick of it. He turned my words around, made it all about him. "You are hurting me," "why are you saying these things," and well he decided he wanted time.

Fine.
So he had his time. But in that "time" of his, he did everything, he started hanging out with other girls, going to parties, going out and not caring about what others would think or say.

After a month or so, he texted me, saying that he was sorry and that I should forget him. That he will not bother me again.

So we broke up. I moved on, hanged out with friends. Did the NC.
Until I started hearing that he was lying, that we dated for a couple of WEEKS and that I was the crazy one after him. Calling him, emailing him.

He broke up, on a text message! He lied about the relationship, and made it all look like I was still hung up on him when I already erased his phone.

So I emailed him and told him to stop lying.
He must have felt guilty cause he came right then to talk me out of telling others what he had done. "Who is telling you these things," "give me a name," "at least tell me what you are hearing."

I blew him off.

A couple weeks later he IMed me and asked me if I was mad. And I wasn't, so I told him nop. So he came to see me to "be friends." I was dating someone, and we still are.

He tried to kiss him. I got mad. Then he started questioning me about my boyfriend.
"When did u started dating him," "why him... bla bla"

He "saw" that I didn't have his number in my phone. Stormed out of my place, erased me from his phone and blocked me on MSN. Then he unblocked me (?? )

Then he had rumors of him dating this other girl, so I did what I should have done the very beginning, I unfriended him from FB.

I started getting mails from an unknown person, about things he has done, with whom and even pictures!

So I emailed him told him to stop sending me crap, that first my emails gets hacked and now I had to close my email account because of this person sending me all these things.

He replied, all mad, telling me that I should stop fantasizing that he still thinks about me, bla bla, that he has nothing to do with what happens to me and that never again he will have to do with me. So long (he actually did say this).

Went back to school, he saw me and said hi. I politely smile. Every time I pass by he stares at me so much that even the people next to me notice. So this never again for him has been no talking to me, but okay to look?

A year later, yes. You would think the drama is over? Well not.
Someone asks him about what happened, and he says I don't want to talk about her.
Then makes a big fuzz about it and tells how "complicated" it is.

Now, my ex is dating the ex of the person I'm seeing right now.
Coincidence? I don't know, but of all the girls he can date, why choose the ex girlfriend of the person I'm seeing right now.

He calls me. Hangs up. Switches his blackberry to restrict identity, calls me. And hangs up again.

I thought he wanted to say something. So I friended him on FB. And he ignored the request. I mean, what else does he want!

It's been a month of calling and hanging up.
I'm getting a new number next week.


He acts all cool, but what he thinks and how he acts never go together.

What does he want? If he is with someone else, then why call me or keep telling people "it's complicated" when it's over?

He may "love" you, or at least he may think he does.

Hahaha, OK so I have a super long winded explanation that is actually something I wrote for some one else, but it may help you. There may be some parts you will simply want to ignore, but think you'll find the neuro chemistry stuff about dopamine interesting, maybe helpful.

I'll post it in my next post. Its pretty long.

True love, can be many things. Every one has their opinion, experiences, interpretation, and perceptions about it.

True, as defined at: true definition | Dictionary.com
1. being in accordance with the actual state or conditions; conforming to reality or fact; not false: a true story.
2. real; genuine; authentic: true gold; true feelings.
3. sincere; not deceitful: a true interest in someone's welfare.
4. firm in allegiance; loyal; faithful; steadfast: a true friend.

Love as defined at: love definition | Dictionary.com
1. a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2. a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3. sexual passion or desire.
4. a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.

Lets say love is a firm genuine, deep affection and loyalty that is built upon a profoundly passionate faithful belief in the binding of two people's lives. Forever they will be attached in one form or another. Personally I would argue that there is also a point to which one may need to learn to let go of a love, simply because only if you truly love some one/ thing will you find the strength to let them go of your own free will. I think that is important, because it lets people know that we don't have to be together just because we "have to", but we stay together because we want to. Also some times, the one's we want to stay with, don't want to stay with us, and so we have to accept that so we can move on. There maybe "soul mates", but it's not clear as to whether we develop, and grow into such, or if it's predetermined for us. Maybe finding our soul mate has more to do with finding ourselves, and in doing so can finally attract our soul mates. Very mysterious is the world that we pretend to know.

Lust= Passion, sex drive and hormones. One night stands, or meaningless flings. (The people that do this seem to show very little self respect, and tend to "...act kinda proud with no respect for themselves." P.O.D.- Youth of the nation)

Love= Passion, sex drive, hormones, enjoy a person's company/ personality, and some respect. (Actually, I think this may be most relationships in our world. In love, but not so willing to see the difference between them self and their lover, and what their relationship really means. There are different types, levels and kinds of Love at this level. Like the women who loves her man so much even when he hits her, or when the man loves his women but she cheats on him. Then there is the couple that is relatively happy together, but don't really grow, or progress because they are too different, or a like, or just don't work well together. )

True Love= The one you will spend your life with, while there is time left to spend. You understand that you may not be together forever, but still live for the moment. You are comfortable with each other, and yourselves. Grow together, and progress in life, due to a healthy balance. When there is a split, it is on good terms, hard, painful still but good. (The "good" split is not to be confused with a careless, reckless, and respect-less split. It is not like the couple who splits and stay's friends and cheats on their new partners with the one they are splitting on good terms with. I might argue that true friends are in true love.)

Soul Mates= True Love + Forever being with your lover as your lover will forever be with you. The one you are dedicated to until death do you part. Perhaps the one you will follow into the after life, what ever it maybe. Know yourself, and you will know your soul mate.

As to whether I believe these... They are possibilities, just like anything, everything, nothing, and something else...

will everyone find love?
That is dependent, do we count the love of GOD as some believe, the Love one feels for themselves, The love of a family or friends?

Love is not all about passion and sex. It's more complicated, and it also depends where what your cultural back ground is. I some times think that is why people are so confused about love, because they feel the same feeling for some one they love as for some one they want to just have sex with. That heated passion, and so on. But love is more than that, it's about connection, and being able to be with the one you love with out invading who they are. So often people get messed up by their feelings saying, "Oh look at this new exciting prospect of adventure..." Then the morals and spiritual guidance kicks in, "This is not right, I may be attracted, but i don't know this person. It's very dangerous, STDs, rape, murder, and so on. I deserve to be treated better then a fluzy, sex toy." Then it's a perpetual war waged within the confines of your own mind. These days people seem more prone to act on basic instinct and feelings than reason, and honorable intentions. Don't get me wrong, that's just an over generalization. There are still people who do care about what happens to one another, and do seem to be happy even after just a one night stand, but not always. Haha I guess I've been hanging around too many rough necks eh? Haha, welders, mill laborers, and such.

All I've given you is just my opinion. No real evidence saying nor suggesting its true.

Peace and kindness be with you.


“If you love someone, does it mean you would be able to let them go and be happy with someone else? Even if its hard as hell for you?”- none12345

You may consider following this, Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Or it will be hard to know yourself. If you can not forgive yourself and thus let go of the past, you may only end up in situations that are too familiar and using your illusions II make things seem good when they are not. As Guns 'N' Roses play,
"Cause yesterday's got nothin' for me
Old pictures that I'll always see
Some things could be better
If we'd all just let them be..."

Forgive yourself, then you can begin to know yourself. No it is very unlikely that we will ever know our self's entirely, for it's an on going progression that lasts through out our entire being, or so it is seems that such advice is important to keep in mind. When we get to know ourselves, we get to understand the connection we have and share with others. Whether it's, a lover, friend, the vary air we breath, the food we eat, the substances we put in our bodies, and the balance between all. Like I said, how can we know our soul mate if we don't know ourselves. So, if we break up with one lover and wish to improve our ability to be in a healthy relationship, then perhaps the best way to do this is by first getting to be ourselves. That means know yourself, and you shall know Love. It can be seen as not true, but I believe that is, for the most part, if you use your illusions II make things seem other than they are. If you can not be honest with yourself, you can not be honest with others.

Love yourself, this is very hard for most, on account that we all have such high expectations for ourselves and one another. This one is very touchy and hard to deal with since it's a very powerful emotion. We tend to try and tighten our grip on it, but no matter how tight to grip it, it just runs through our hands like sand. We become addicted to Love, and in the book "The brain that changes it'self" it is compared to the drug Cocaine. While we have our love, or in my best interpretation that which seems to invoke the feeling of "Love"/"Euphoria", we are "happy". Then we start to associate things with that "Love". Should we loose that "love", we become depressed and miss that “love” dearly.
This is the complex part, we feel euphoric because the pleasure centers in the Septal region of the Limbic system is turned on. This makes us associate what we experience, good or Bad, with the feeling of pleasure. When we are "in Love", on a "manic High" (term for people who have a mental illness called Mania, or bipolar.), or if we are under the influence of cocaine; the threshold at which our pleasure centers will fire is lowered, making it easier for them to turn on. "Neurons that fire together wire together." (this term implies that while the threshold of our pleasure centers is lowered, we associate what ever we do/see/think/feel/smell and generally experience with Pleasure.) Now, the pleasure center has another name, "the appetitive pleasure system" ("Appetitive: 1. An instinctive physical desire, especially one for food or drink. 2. A strong wish or urge: an appetite for learning." - Appetitive - definition of Appetitive by the Free Online Dictionary, Thesaurus and Encyclopedia.) The reason for the strong urge or instinctive physical desire is because the appetitive pleasure system is a dopamine-based system associated with the pleasure of anticipating something we desire.

So now, when we separate from our "love" for too long we suffer from with drawl and the things that we associated with our "love", rather than bringing us happy feelings, they taunt us and serve as a dark reminder of the love we lost. That can change over time, but when the separation is new, it's really hard to look past the pain, and illusions we create. Generally after losing a love, the pleasure center isn't functioning the same, so they crash and begin craving their "love", get anxious, doubt themselves, lose their energy, and feel rundown if not depressed. Like the junky getting a small fix, a letter, e-mail, text message, or telephone message from our "love" gives us that old shot of energy and joy.

Relationships that are regular and routine, well the dopamine in our systems likes novelty, so we have to keep things rather fresh and new, exciting or our brains get bored. They need stimulation, and I've come to wonder if people who have relationship troubles and drink or do drugs regularly, aren't linked to this idea of new and fresh. See, when we do drugs, drink alcohol, we kill brain cells and make it hard for the brain to learn new things. That is only in relative terms though, and a whole new story.
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I may be repeating some stuff, sorry about that, but here is more to the psychological perspective on Neurological explanation of addiction/love. I'm having a hard time finding where to start for your Sexual behaviour, and how to use the porn addiction section in the book to explain it. I hope this helps.

"Ok, so we have a pleasure center located in the limbic system, a part of the brain heavily involved in processing emotion, and a Dr. Robert Heath did experiments on humans in this area. He took electrodes, the brain doesn't have feeling, and put them into the septal region of the limbic system and turned it on, the patient would then experience a powerful euphoria, so powerful that one patient pleaded with them not to stop. This same region fires up when pleasant subjects were discussed and during orgasm. These pleasure centers were found to be part of the brain's reward system, the mesolimbic dopamine system.
When the pleasure center is turned on everything we experience gives us pleasure. Cocaine lowers the threshold at which our pleasure centers will fire, making it easier for them to turn on. The three reasons our pleasure center's thresholds are lowered are we do a drug like Cocaine, have a manic high (Manics, bipolar.), or we are in love.
If a person gets high on Cocaine, becomes manic, or falls in love, they enter an enthusiastic state and are optimistic about everything, because all three will lower the firing threshold for the appetitive pleasure system, the dopamine-based system associated with the pleasure of anticipating something we desire. They are sensitive to anything that may give them pleasure, and are filled with hopeful anticipation. Things like nature, flowers, grass, sunshine inspire them; small but thoughtful gestures allow them to delight in all man kind. Doidge, the writer of "the brain that changes it'self", calls this process "Globalization".
Globalization allows us to take more pleasure in the world, and inhibits pain, displeasure, or aversion. Things that normally bother us, don't. We love being in love not only because it makes it easier for us to be happy but also because it makes it harder for us to be unhappy.
Globalization allows us to learn new things easier too; because when we are "in love" we are "happy, and it's harder to be unhappy, we like things we normally don't", and the dopamine helps the brain consolidate "Neuroplasticity". (plastic is the brains ability to rearrange it's neuro-connections to accommodate, the addition of information, sub traction, brain damage, "Hemisphere-ectimy" (I'm not sure how to spell it, YouTube - Brain Plasticity), and various other brain related issues.)

Freud once described the elated effects of cocaine to his fiancee, Martha, in letters. He says, he feels fearless, not fatigued, less shy, increased self esteem, no longer depressed, euphoric, enhances his energy, enthusiasm, and has an aphrodisiac effect. He was describing a state akin to "romantic intoxication". The book says in both cases, the Cocaine high, and "romantic Intoxication" may impair one's judgment. Recent fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) scans of lovers looking at photos of their sweethearts show that a part of the brain with great concentrations of dopamine is activated; their brains looked like those of people on cocaine.

When separated for too long, lovers crash and experience withdrawal, crave their beloved, get anxious, doubt them selves, lose their energy, and feel run-down if not depressed. Like a little fix a letter, and e-mail, or a telephone message from the beloved provides and instant shot of energy. Should they brake up, they get depressed- the opposite of the manic high...
After a time of being with some one, the brain doesn't produce that dopamine like before, if they adapt to well to each other. Dopamine likes novelty. (From NESTORAIN: Some people might say that their spouse/partner is too dull, but really they are just addicted to the unpredictability, and excitement that comes with exploration of a new place. You can do what you'd like here, but it may be wise to try and spice it up a bit, be random some times, spontaneous, and take time away from one another so you both don't get "tired" of one another.) Dr.Doidge believes that this means their "plastic" brains have so well adapted to each other that it's harder for them to get the same buzz they once got from each other.
Dr. Doidge also suggests if this happens to inject novelty into the relationship. Try new activities together, or wear new kinds of clothing, surprise one another. Pretty much keep the brain working, entertained, and learning fresh new things." _ The brain that changes it'self by Dr. Norman Doidge M.D.

I hope that helps, I didn't quite quote the book, but I did paraphrase, and used some lines right from it. Those were just pages 113-116. There is so much more to this chapter on love, mind you it does go into details on porn addiction, sexual perversions and how they may work/happen. Very interesting, as it is the chapter on Acquiring tastes and loves. Very interesting stuff, but if you're not into that, I guess not eh!

I hope that helps. If you have more questions, I'll try to answer them later eh. Peace and kindness be withyou.

Yes if oyu want the short version ask Talaniman, just seems to know how to get right to the point, with out the gibberish.

Still, It's usful information and if you have the time, and take the time, you may just be surprised. Heck I don't even know how I manage to write it, as I read the person's post, then read my many books, should I need to dig for info, then I write all that gibberish. HAHHAHA.

L8tes

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Nestorian

Yes if oyu want the short version ask Talaniman, just seems to know how to get right to the point, with out the gibberish.

Still, It's usful information and if you have the time, and take the time, you may just be surprised. Heck I dont even know how I manage to write it, as I read the person's post, then read my many books, should i need to dig for info, then I write all that gibberish. HAHHAHA.

L8tes

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Lol here's an idea, publish a book LOL I would so buy it XD!!

Get a restraining order, or tell the campus police about it, by the looks of it he has some stalker tendencies which may get out of hand

Your both acting like immature kids, and simply need to leave each other alone, and grow up!

How old are you? 13/14??