Hi everyone
I've been in a long distance relationship for a while. It's never been easy as although we were really perfect as a couple he had a really crazy ex who was still around. I know lots of people say they have psycho exes but I realised she was still upsetting him as even though they split up quite a while ago and she has a new boyfriend, she was still calling him 10x a day, texting him and even got his parents benefits cut off by lying to the nhs.
I kept telling him to ignore her but ultimately she was causing a lot of problems between him and his parents and also us as it frustrated me.

anyway, he told me the other night that he needed to be on his own to sort things out about his ex and his life... but he never wanted to lose me ever. I know full well this boy was head over heels about me (as I was him) so it came as a shock, the ex thing was annoying but we'd worked through it before. He told me he wasn't paying me enough attention and treating me as well as he knew he could because of all this, he's always said he doesn't deserve someone as good as me. We argued a lot until I told him we should just quit the arguing and be friends before we well and truly just hated each other.
HOWEVER to help the grieving process I deleted his number completely from my phone, deleted him on msn/skype etc. but kept him on Facebook for the sake of staying civil (but hid his news feeds). I had no intention of contacting him...

but the part I don't understand is, he still keeps initiating conversations with me on msn and via text. Obviously in a long distance relationship our main form of communication was phone and msn... and we're still speaking via those methods so I don't really see what the difference is? He said he needed to be alone but is still contacting me?

I just need some advice on what to do. I really really miss him and don't want to lose him either. I'm not sure if ignoring him and giving him the time alone he wanted is the right thing to do or should I just chat to him like nothing is wrong when he contacts me?

I think that right now, he's very unsure what he wants. I think that he wants you and he probably is crazy about you, but the nonsense with the ex is making things difficult for him and he also probably doesn't want to put you through it either.
My boyfriend has a crazy ex. She leaves nasty voicemails on his work phone, calls his house consistently and has even stalked him a few times. He has changed his phone number because of it so the calls on the cell have stopped. Perhaps you should ask your guy to change his phone number. The texts and calls will stop then at least and if he trully cares about you, it won't be a big deal to him to do it.
Relationships do take work and there are always risks. You can go either way with this... either give him no contact... meaning... do not respond to his texts... or if he does text, then explain to him that he said he needed to be alone and you are giving him that time. OR... talk this out and mention the changing of the number... etc... Communication is key and if your relationship is as head over heels as you say, then you should be able to work at this as a couple... and it wouldn't take a "break".

I would call this relationship a wash and go about having a life with a real person who is in the real world.This is a fantasy and not a very good one at that.
If he wants to sort things out with his ex than he needs to leave you alone.
It looks like you are plan B in case he can't work out the issues with her.
He is playing with your emotions and that is a red flag to get out now!

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Originally Posted by CURIOUS08

I think that right now, he's very unsure what he wants. I think that he wants you and he probably is crazy about you, but the nonsense with the ex is making things difficult for him and he also probably doesn't want to put you through it either.
My boyfriend has a crazy ex. She leaves nasty voicemails on his work phone, calls his house consistently and has even stalked him a few times. He has changed his phone number because of it so the calls on the cell have stopped. Perhaps you should ask your guy to change his phone number. The texts and calls will stop then at least and if he trully cares about you, it won't be a big deal to him to do it.
Relationships do take work and there are always risks. You can go either way with this... either give him no contact... meaning... do not respond to his texts... or if he does text, then explain to him that he said he needed to be alone and you are giving him that time. OR.... talk this out and mention the changing of the number...etc.... Communication is key and if your relationship is as head over heels as you say, then you should be able to work at this as a couple... and it wouldn't take a "break".

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He's changed his number once, I think he stupidly rang her when he was drunk to tell her to leave him alone and didn't hide his number so she has the new one. He's changed all his email addresses but she's also hacked into his myspace and Facebook so knows those too.

artlady: well it is a real relationship technically, its not online, we know each other in real life and have done for a while as we used to live near each other. Unfortunately though we both moved and are now about 200 miles apart.
I know he'd never get back with his ex, he hates her guts after all she put him and his family through.

He sounds very confused as to what he wants.

How do you feel about him? Do you want to give him another shot? If you do, maybe you should tell him to only contact you if he is sure that he wants to be with you. But for him to be sure, he has to stop all communication with his ex nor matter what.

Needless to say, long distance are extremely difficult. Is there any chance that you guys will be in the same city any time soon?

Your allowing him to fill you with false hope as if this relationship was as perfect as you say, he wouldn't break up and would be working with you to deal with your issues.

Face the facts, he can't deal with a relationship long distance. He doesn't know how and frankly, neither do you.

He wants a break, give it to him, and make yourself unavailable to his confusion.

You don't have to accept his treatment of you as he is only putting you on hold.

Threads merged

To cut a long story short, me and my ex broke up over a stupid argument. We'd been arguing so much recently with work and money stress that I think we were both thinking we needed a bit of a break so it was quite a relief.

The day after I went to speak with him and he admitted that since about a month into the relationship he'd never felt strongly about me, didn't love me and couldn't see it going anywhere from the start... but instead of splitting up with me then he carried on the relationship like everything was fine, told me he loved me and even moved in with me.

Obviously I was devastated at being led on so long, he wanted to stay friends but I wasn't sure, eventually I realised that unlike during other breakups we hadn't had a single fight since, we'd discussed things maturely and we actually getting on well so we agreed to stay friendly but give each other space.

The only problem is he keeps contacting me ALL the time! I don't think there's been a day since we split where he hasn't text/rang me or spoke to me on msn. Today he started a conversation with me on msn but I had to go as I was visiting my parents about an hour away, I logged on msn later that night and he immediately sent me a message saying 'yay you're back! And kept chatting to me until he went to bed and said "speak to you soon deb. night x" (I may be reading into this too much but he even started adding kisses on to his messages again)

I haven't sent him a single thing, its always him that initiates contact with me but why? Why multiple times everyday? He was the one who said he needed some space, he was the one who moved out and said he didn't love me, he was the one who said there might be a chance for us in the future but at the moment there was none. I don't know why he insists on keep contacting me?

Don't bite the bait. Don't return contact, and eventually he'll either give up or show up at your house and make a big scene. Depending on his maturity level which seems a bit... low.

Stop responding to him, you need to cut the contact now rather than drag this on as it will only hurt both of you more.