A question for the girls. As a guy I have a high drive but my wife does not. I can have sex most days however she only wants it once a week. She is never "hungry" for sex - rather she has to be taken there slowly. We have discussed this many times and she even asked her gynae who told her that she is normal - woman don't "want" sex like guys.

I know all about the relationship side of things etc. etc. but what I would like to know - do you girls ever "want" sex or is it always something that you have to be encouraged / stimulated to?

:confused:

And you assume all guys want it every day??

No two people are the same, and as you grow older the roles often change, with you being the one that seldon wants it for various reasons ( not always of course)

So your normal is just that your normal, and hers is hers

The difference between men and women, most of the time (sorry for the generalization here) is this:

Men see sex as a release, and a way to show love.

Women need a release from everything ELSE in their life, and a show of love, to enjoy sex.

Frankly, it's just harder for most women to "get there" mentally. I could be horny as anything, but I'm not going to get off if I'm thinking about the dishes, the bills, the kids, the car payment, work, whatever.

So... what's holding YOUR wife back?

Technically the sex drive is caused by levels of testosterone. Women with high levels of testosterone have higher sex drives than women with low levels.

This is a naturally occurring hormone in men, hence the higher sex drive.

I have a high sex drive but sometimes I be tired due to my daily life activties (work, kids, etc). Does your girlfriend work, has a child, goes to school, etc?

I must admit that sometimes I don't be in the mood to make love but my fiancé knows what buttons to push to get me in the mood.

Men and women are ALL different. There are some men that like sex, but don't "hunger" for it. Some women are like that too. But more women than you would think REALLY like sex. I am one of them, and I wasn't always this way...when I was younger, it was not that big a deal. As I got older, I liked it more. I often feel bad for my husband, because I am 42, and he is 52. My sex drive is more than his is now, and he just can't keep up. Later in life, she may like it more...Good Luck!!

I agree that women need to have a relaxed state of mind before wanting sex.
Foreplay should begin as soon as you walk in the door.Help with the dishes,put the kids to bed, assist with the nightly chores and I am sure you will see a difference.
Also cuddle more and give her physical attention that is not just sexually motivated.

This reminds me of the old joke about a married couple talking to a sex therapist. When he asks them how often they have sex, the wife says "all the time, three times a week", and the man says "hardly ever, three times a week". Seriously, everyone is different, women can have a high sex drive and vice versa.

Depends on the girl and the relationship. If one partner has a low sex drive and the other one has a high sex drive, that is a sign that something in your relationship is out of balance.

Or you wife may have some physical issues when it comes to sex but ony a doctor can determine that.

Thanks Girls. Your comments are noted. I understand that we are all different and that one person's norm is not the other's. The thing I am battling with is dealing with the vast difference in our approach to sex. I respect others and their needs. I am not selfless person. The difficulty is sex is so integral to a marriage. Not wanting to be unfaithful how does one cope living day to day with the vast difference? Guys / Girls - how do you manage be it from a similar or different perspective? What is the healthy way to deal with this? We are wired so differently but are really in love. Its just this issue that causes so much friction. Advice?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by artlady

I agree that women need to have a relaxed state of mind before wanting sex.
Foreplay should begin as soon as you walk in the door.Help with the dishes,put the kids to bed, assist with the nightly chores and I am sure you will see a difference.
Also cuddle more and give her physical attention that is not just sexually motivated.

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I couldn't give you a greenie artlady but I think I am going to print this answer and get it framed.
I made my partner read it and it just looked at me like 'what?' then it finally clicked, he just said "Oh... right. I do the dishes... sometimes................. okay" lol I win :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Boney

Thanks Girls. Your comments are noted. I understand that we are all different and that one person's norm is not the other's. The thing I am battling with is dealing with the vast difference in our approach to sex. I respect others and their needs. I am not selfless person. The difficulty is sex is so integral to a marriage. Not wanting to be unfaithful how does one cope living day to day with the vast difference? Guys / Girls - how do you manage be it from a similar or different perspective? What is the healthy way to deal with this? We are wired so differently but are really in love. Its just this issue that causes so much friction. Advice?

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Is something in your marriage out of balance or un-stable? Money, Careers, Children, Health, Goals, Happiness, etc etc? Have you ever considered that one of these issues could be the reason for her low sex drive?

Hah! I wish I knew. That's what got me here in the first place... I can tell you what DOESN'T work. Pressure will just make her want to less often. It's like nagging... the most emotionally satisfying but the least in actual effectiveness. Schedules don't work, they make everyone feel boxed in and sex mechanical.
Honestly, I'd go with a passive aggressive campaign. Just... make her feel sexy. Remind her you think of her in that way. Not that you want to RIGHT NOW, just "hey, you look attractive when you wear that flirty skirt." And then... do nothing unless she initiates/indicates she wants you to. Maybe you guys just have to tune in your sexual radars. She doesn't think of you thinking of her in that way (Whose thinking they have a nice butt when they're balancing the groceries on their hip on the way in?) and you might just not notice... that she'll wear that flirty skirt next time she wants to catch your eye.

I have an extremely high sex drive so much so that if my boyfriend is not in the mood I just pleasure myself (which he doesn't mind watching though by the time I am done it usually has made him want to have sex lol) we have sex maybe four or five times a week as it is now and that is ontop of all the work he does (he works A lot because he works for public works in a town nearby) And I normally work 8 to 10 hour days but since September of last year I have not been working at all.. OFF TO COLLEGE this year so he said I could take a break from working until then. But back to the topic. Lol.