But I find certain members of my family are against this, and would like me to be like at there beck and call. They come to me with all there problems and I feel like I am like a 24 hour social worker, there still asking my advice up until 11 or 12 oclock at night. The thing you may be asking is why I put up with it. Well they are my siblings and we all live in the same house at the moment. I am waiting to move out quite soon but they are constantly harassing me if it is not money it is where's the food, can you keep my bank book and passport for me, then they are asking for them back constantly,then its just about everything, if I decide to hibanate in my room and take a nap they are constantly knocking on my bedroom door asking me all kinds, if I tell them to leave me alone for a bit they are rude. How guys can I deal with them do you think,this is until I move out of this terrible hell hole. I have constant saw throat all the time my voice is croaky. I don't think that I will ever get out of this place without getting ill. They have made me take out loans for them in my name but give me the money to pay off the loan but although it is not costing me anything it is like another reason to be stuck by them I want to close all links with them.

How old are your siblings?

One is believe it or not 30 the other 20. Going on 5 and 6

Hence I am going through a divorce at the moment reason why I am back at home.

You are definitley under a lot of stress and need quality time alone.

Can't you rent a place alone?

I'm afraid not I am not working at the moment and I am on benefits, so it is pretty hard for me at the moment. I am short of money, I would't have moved back if I had a bit of money I would have as you say rented a property.

Exactly right

Ohh that's the tough case... guess you just have to swallow your ego and choke up their babbling noise. Try doing home based business. I used to do buy/sell and sometimes I'd net about 6k a month. I'm sure there are others things you can do to make profit while you are on recovery.

Yep I agree, try keep yourself busy

Yes I will thanks guys, with things that have happened to me marriage break up losing my job, living with bad family it takes it's toll with you health and self esteem. So yes you are right.

Ever heard of misery loves company? People who are miserable want others in it and don't want to see others doing well... sounds like that is a lot of what is going on... kind of selfish. I would suggest not helping them more that YOU WANT to.

Set up boundaries NOW! If you don't, and your boundaries go back and forth, there will be a lot of conflict... set them up now and stick to them... take some control back in your life! Sounds like what you are going through (divorce, moving back home, etc) take a lot of power and control from you... so take it back, what you can! Although you may not be popular, You will feel better about yourself.

Misery does love company...
Do yourself and you siblings some good by being a positive influence. You're in a rut now and probably depressed. The best way to escape it is by taking action against it.
Put on a smile, just start laughing for no reason, even if it feels unnatural, bizarre thing is... you really do start laughing. This helps to wake up your brain and aids it in producing what I like to call "happy" chemicals.
Get a job and find some hobbies you enjoy.
This positivity will make you feel good and set a good example for your siblings. Encourage them to take action over their own life by taking hold of yours.
It's not easy, and considering your circumstances, you may need the help of a counselor or a woman's support group. Good thing is that there is help for you too. Ask about it at the place where you receive your benefits from, they are sure to know of something in your area or can direct you to a place that does.
Hope things get better for you

Mystique can you explain what you mean about " taking for a ride of her family didn't really understand what you mean can you be a bit more clearer

Well I totally didn't want to insult you with that. It was the most quick and brief but wrong comment I've made. You do live with your parents. Regardless what it is you are taking benefits from them either money, stability, emotional support, shelter, food, and all that. So that is what I meant with taking a ride with your family because they have supported you in a variety of ways. Which by the way you can fulfill on your own. But I totally understand your situation processing your divorce, new job, all that, and yes parents/family are more than willing to help you you have to also satisfy them in return. IMO you should stay out of the house the whole time and come only when you need sleep/shelter.

Hi Mysticque, no I am not taking a ride from my family My parents have moved away abroad and left us there children to stay at the house and sell the house for them, so I have just as much rights as siblings to be in the house until it is sold. Sorry maybe I was unclear and should have explained a bit more clearly. Secondly I help to pay for food we all try to put together. But this is a temporary bleep and I will and am looking for a job and I will change my life. Its just a bit difficult with how things are at the moment but thanks and take care.

You do have every right to be in the house, and you know that, so that's good and positive on your part - even if your parents were living there, it still would have been OK.
It's not easy to leave behind an old life to build a new one, and not everyone has the finances to just go buy/rent a new home. It takes time to put the pieces back together again. In your case, I'm assuming that your siblings stress you out and cause chaos in your life. This is where you should focus your main concern and see if you all can come to some type of privacy agreement. It may be very easy for them to come to you for money and all their other problems, however, it may not be as easy for them to give you your much needed space. Even though they are adults, setting some rules and boundaries would help your peace of mind. You could also ask them to contribute to the rules of the house, this way they don't feel as if your mothering them or being bossy or mean. Decide on a time when everyone's free to discus all issues, this will hopefully cut down the habit of barging in on you at their convenience. If they still continue, tell them you'll talk to them about it at the next "meeting". Stick to your decision and they'll soon realize they'll get your attention a lot better by waiting.
I know it sounds elementary, and may not be the right choice for you; however, there are a lot of different ways to live peacefully with one another. You just have to find one that's right for you and your siblings.
Try to disregard anything negative that might come your way and keep pushing forward.

Stick yourself in your own life. Act like they don't exist. When they ask for something learn how to say no. Short and simple, no. Get a job and get out. But you have to worry about you first not them, they are not important.

I think you need to tell your family point blank, "I'm going through a difficult time in my life and I can't possibly help you because I'm trying to discover myself."

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nasra

But I find certain members of my family are against this, and would like me to be like at there beck and call. They come to me with all there problems and I feel like I am like a 24 hour social worker, there still asking my advice up until 11 or 12 oclock at night. The thing you may be asking is why I put up with it. Well they are my siblings and we all live in the same house at the moment. I am waiting to move out quite soon but they are constantly harrassing me if it is not money it is where's the food, can you keep my bank book and passport for me, then they are asking for them back constantly,then its just about everything, if I decide to hibanate in my room and take a nap they are constantly knocking on my bedroom door asking me all kinds, if I tell them to leave me alone for a bit they are rude. How guys can I deal with them do you think,this is until I move out of this terrible hell hole. I have constant saw throat all the time my voice is croaky. I dont think that I will ever get out of this place without getting ill. They have made me take out loans for them in my name but give me the money to pay off the loan but although it is not costing me anything it is like another reason to be stuck by them I want to close all links with them.

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Rather than doing things for them, I suggest you LEARN to guide them. This may take years to learn but will help you grow and be a better person.

Put it another way... don't be a person fixing symptoms. It will never end and people will end up abusing you. Rather, be a person who can fix root of the problem.

Get a life, you don't need to carry the world on your shoulder dear=)