Me and my boyfriend have been dating for like 9 1/2 months. About 3 months in to the relationship he put his hands on me and we broke up for awhile then we got back together and he has not put his hands on me. A lot has changed but he still calls me a stupid b!! h, whore, slut, and whatever other mean and nasty word he can come up with. He only calls me those mean names when he is mad, but the one thing that get on my nerves is he call me, fat girl, when I try to eat something or I am not full after eating as much as he has, I only weigh like 123 and I know I'm not fat but it makes me really mad when he calls me names and it really hurts when we are in front of people! What do you think?

I think you need to break up with this loser! He has no respect for you at all AND on top of that he did strike you. What's so great about being with a guy like that?

You need to dump him! This is NOT a healthy relationship whatsoever.

Leave, leave,leave-- and don't look back.

Sarah

But I love him and its hard to leave some one I love when I lost the first person I loved just before we started dating

This isn't love. Not even close. You want him to hit you again? Hey maybe he'll land you a trip.. to the hospital.

And yes, it is hard to leave. However you will be happier. It's not a self esteem booster when your own boyfriend calls you names. It's not okay that he hits you. And it's not okay on how he makes you feel. He is a loser, don't be his doormat.

You deserve better than that. It's better to be alone than being beaten [verbally, mentally, physically or emotionally].

Wake up hunnie, he doesn't love you.

Sarah

Maybe if you talk to someone on the telephone it'll help. I have a list of helplines I could give you if you are interested.

The helplines will offer confidential advice. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed. You are not responsible for his behavior. Your first responsibility is yourself!

When you Call the Helpline
• Your call will be answered by a person - no answering machines, no recorded messages.
• The person who answers your call will be an experienced counselor - not the police, not a government department.
• You will not have to give your name.
• Anyone who is concerned can call this Helpline.
• You can request a male or female counselor.
• After talking with you about your concerns, the counselor may offer to put you in touch with another organization that can provide ongoing help or support.

Just let me know what country your in and I'll be able to give you the right numbers,
Sarah

Well thanks for the advice he has really changed if you knew him before and seen the after then you would understand, he makes me incredibly happy!

You need to understand that a violent relationship may not be violent all the time!

Some of the time, violent people treat their boyfriend/girlfriend very well. They can be very loving and sorry for their violent behavior. This can make it hard to see what's really happening. There is a strong chance that the violence will get worse over time and the relationship more abusive.

After a violent event, it's common for both of you to try and make it OK by making excuses, apologizing, or promising to change. But there is no excuse for this behavior, and just saying sorry is not good enough.

Sometimes the violent person will blame the victim - "it wouldn't happen if you did what I said". Things might settle down for a while - the abuser may feel guilty, and you might try to go along with whatever they want. Usually it's only a matter of time before the build-up to violence starts again.

Stop trying to make excuses, there was already an incident! I bet you didn't expect it then! You might not be sure what behavior to expect from him NOW!

You might begin to think that the violence is your fault. You might start to try to fit in with whatever they want, even if it makes you uncomfortable. You might also feel scared that they will hurt you if you try to leave.

Breaking up any kind of relationship is hard to do, but it can be particularly hard to leave a violent relationship. When you are frightened and your self-esteem is low, it can be hard to find the strength to leave or break-up. It's sometimes easier to hope that things will change for the better. Too often they don't.

But the first step in changing things is to understand what's been happening is wrong. Even if they say they care about you and you care about them, it's not OK to be treated like this.

Sarah

This is definitely not a good relationship. You need to get away before one day you end up in the hospital... you will find someone who will treat you better and the love might be even stronger

Quote:

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Is this a good relationship or not

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It's a lousy relationship, built not on love, and caring, but dependence, cruelty, abuse, and delusion.

Its not a relationship at all, but an addiction by a sick person, not him, YOU!!

You do need some help if this makes you happy.

Hi there,

I have been in a relationship similar to the one your in now and I can understand when you say you don't really know him because from what he was before and what he is now is a little better so you think he is making an effort right? I'm afraid not hun what he is doing is playing it down a little bit so he doesn't have to listen to you "moaning" at him he will do anything for a quiet life fact is if he is saying these horrible things to you whether he is angry or not his heart just isn't in it could you imagine every time you got mad you said things like that to him infornt of his friends he would be mortified and I can tell you he wouldn't put up with it for 5 minutes so why does he expect you to? What I did in the end hard and all as it was I told him I couldn't put up with it anymore and left surrounded myself with my friends and family and kept myself busy there were slip up's of course when I missed him so much that I text him or rang him but I still knew this wasn't acceptable and he would only do it again and again now I look back and laugh I can't believe I let myself get that down and be treated like that I know it seems so hard now babe but please believe me it will all be worth it in the end! Xxxx