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-   -   My girfriend cheated on me a year ago and I just found out! What should I do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=342010)

  • Apr 15, 2009, 01:57 PM
    Kennym1986
    My girfriend cheated on me a year ago and I just found out! What should I do?
    Im with this girl whom I love more than I've ever loved anyone but she keeps on hurting me. She is bipolar with mild skitzophrenia. We have been together since March 23 of last year, but I have been in love with her for two years. First she broke up with her last boyfriend who was treating her like crap and me and her hooked up. She then dumps me 2 weeks later saying that she needs time alone. Then the next day she takes her ex back. This was in 07. Then she goes into a manic phase because she is not taking any meds for her bipolar as her doctor told me, and in the process of her manic phase she goes over some friends of myn's house to take my brother and a friend to the mall. They go to the mall then return to my friend's house. She then has sex with two guys there while my brother is in the room on of the guys my brother slept with the night before, he's gay, therefore he is very upset. I was at work the whole time. When I got off from work I went to my friends house to see them and as I parked I saw her car outside. I then go inside to see what was going on and find her in bed with one of the guys, meanwhile she is still with her ex boyfriend and I am told about the other guy. She chooses to stay with the guy she's in bed with rather than leaving with me to talk. She and her boyfriend fight after that over something and she threatens to commit suicide. He calls the police and they take her to the hospital where she is medicated and monitored. She and her ex brake up while she is in the hospital. She gets out of the hospital and shows me her paperwork that says she was mentally sick and is now cured. I believe it and she asks me out, and I accept. We later on get engaged, but we are still not married to this day. I had to go away for a month, and while I was gone she goes and sees a guy friend of hers and has sex with him one night, then returns and makes out with the guy the next night. I find out about the makeout session right away when I get back by convincing her to tell me. She says nothing else happened and that she didn't mean to cheat on me with him, and I forgive her. But here we are a year later and I just found out that she had sex with the guy the day before the makeout session between them, therefore she has been lying to me about this for a year straight now. She says its because she loves me and was scared of losing me, and she was honest enough to tell me all of this after this long so I'm confused and don't know what to do. Im having trouble trusting her now. She has been clean of cheating for the last year now but I feel that that is only because she has not had the opportunity to do so for the last year since the last incident. Ive been with her everyday since other than when I'm working or going to college for nursing as an RN. What should I do and sorry the story was so long?
  • Apr 15, 2009, 02:10 PM
    j4son1988

    Look I offer no real advice, but like you I've gone through situations where girls lie and then tell you later on. Then she gets into your head and you forgive her. Many times have I forgiving and now when I look back on it I wish I mad some different choices but we get older and we learn. This girl even though you may love her doesn't sound like marriage material after what you've been through. Utltimately the decision is yours but make sure its one you can live with. Just my two cents.
  • Apr 15, 2009, 04:38 PM
    Romefalls19

    Leave her, you don't need this baggage. She is a walking headcase and needs to sort out her own issues, without you. It is in your best interest to just walk away now.
  • Apr 15, 2009, 04:42 PM
    mudweiser

    It's great your are working on going to college!

    This girl is bad news and will only hold you back. I know you love her, but she is not in the right mind to be in a relationship. I'm not even sure she knows what a relationship is; she lies, cheats, leaves and treats you with no respect. Even though coming clean is good, however I fear there will be more skeletons in the later future.

    You are better off without her, she's a basket case.

    Sarah
  • Apr 15, 2009, 05:30 PM
    taoplr
    From your description, she is very sick, not just bipolar and schizophrenic, but with some promiscuity related condition. You can't trust her and would be wise to stay far away from her.

    Let her go and make yourself available for someone healthy to love.
  • Apr 15, 2009, 06:32 PM
    ylaira

    You can find someone a lot better than this. It's so draining to be with someone with a condition like hers. Not because you'll be a nurse you ought to take care someone like her.

    Let her go. Who knows you'll meet a doctor or some gorgeous nurse.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 08:24 AM
    talaniman
    WOW, you have seen enough evidence to judge for yourself, of the kind of future you will have with this very troubled person.

    Your first mistake was believing her, when she told you she was cured when she came out of the hospital, after an episode of insanity, and you made it worse by overlooking ALL THE RED FLAGS YOU HAVE SEEN SINCE.

    Her own behavior has poisoned this relationship, and destroyed it, and your unwillingness to deal with it, has poisoned you, and will destroy you.

    You will end up being as sick as she is, if your not already there, unless you run for the nearest exit, and disappear from her life.

    That's what all the real evidence says anyway, no matter how you feel about it.

    Sorry your stuck in this no win situation, it sucks.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 06:25 PM
    ylaira

    Yes, the answer is as clear as the sun but still you refuse to take it.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 06:54 PM
    jandtspencer

    I have been a nurse for 9 years and one condition that stems from bipolar disease is promiscuity (don't know if I spelled it right). During a manic episode people will spend money recklessly, have sex recklessly and they are notorious for not taking meds because in their minds they "don't need them". Trust me, get away from this girl as fast as you can. You will only be tormented if you try to have a relationship with someone with these diseases.
  • Apr 16, 2009, 07:00 PM
    shannameiling
    Honestly, I would have thought the answer was clear... and for a long time now... the fact that you are trying to get yourself together means that you have a good head on your shoulders... please use it... you should leave her because she keeps on hurting you... with or without her issues and medication.

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