Ask Me Help Desk - Relationship ISSUES

Hi everyone

I really need help with my relationship.. Ok well I met my girlfriend over here in australia she is a canadian citizen and after a year of dating seriously she had to move back, we've been doing the long distance thing for the past 6 months and I'm going over there to meet her and her family in 8 weeks time. The problem is sometimes we just aruge a lot, she does things which in other relationships I just wouldn't put up with but it only started with the distance, although it sounds small, things like flirtacious comments on Facebook to guys, when we argue completely barring and ignoring me, getting very moody etc. Anyway we just got back together and for the past 3 months we've talked about marrige. I love her so so so much and Im ready to comment, I've put it down to the distance is stressing our relationship out, so I know once were together things will be much easier. Before we had that big arugement we decided that when I get over there, if everything was well wed get engaged. So once we got back together after the last argument, she told me she wants to get married when I'm there, cause she doesn't want to wait another 6 months to be with me, she loves me so much etc. I was very taken back and surprised but said of course if it feels rite will do it. Anyway a few days later I said to her are you sure about this, she's like defenetly. So I said to her I'm going to look up some wedding information for us on the internet just in case, so she said "haha ok.. oh look up some wedding dresses i need one for my cousins wedding..." Im thinking what? Your more concerned about how ud look at your cousins wedding than your supposed own wedding?? Obviously she's not serious but she assures me she is. Im 23 and she's 22. Please help, I need some constructive criticsism. I don't want to break up with her. So any other advice would be really appreciated.

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Originally Posted by confusedguy86

Hi everyone

Please help, i need some constructive criticsism. I dont want to break up with her. So any other advice would be really appreciated.

Take more time. Go there and be with her for a long as you can. Get to know each other better. But don't get married for 6 months or a year, enough time to mature a little more together.
Learn how to communicate with each other.

If you argue a lot now, what do you think you will do when you are trying to make a home together? You'll be dealing with money issues, who didn't do the dishes, whose sense of order is better, who forgot to do what, etc. Establish some way to peacefully solve problems together before you get married.

There is nothing to break up. You don't have a relationship, you have a dictator telling you what to do.

Why do I say that? What future bride tells a guy to get her a wedding dress?

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if everything was well wed get engaged.

That's what you think!

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So once we got back together after the last argument, she told me she wants to get married when I'm there,

See, she doesn't care what you think

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cause she doesn't want to wait another 6 months to be with me, she loves me so much etc

Yeah, right, that's why you argue and break up. Blame it on the distance if you will, but there is a lot more going on that your ignoring. Like you don't get along unless she is dictating terms.

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I was very taken back and surprised but said of course if it feels rite will do it.

There you go again, something is trying to tell you something you need to listen to.

I would have been long gone.

You two don't need to marry, that's for sure.
Go for the visit see how things go. You were together for a year and separated 6 months, you don't really know each other well enough or get along with each other well enough to even consider marriage. You've already seen things that make you think twice. Don't ever ignore red flags. They show up for a reason. Give yourselves 6 months to a year.

The thing with long distance is that every time you see each other, you re-start part of your relationship because you spent so much time apart.

Slow down buddy. When you talk to her on the phone for the next few weeks before you see her, keep things positive. I know that you can feel really insecure because you have no idea what she's up to, but you have to trust her. She's flirty on Facebook? You sound like the jealous boyfriend, it will just push her away.

How about you focus on how you're going to re-connect with her when you see her before you get so far ahead of yourself about getting married.