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-   -   Sex with best friend (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=341150)

  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:10 PM
    l0st1
    Sex with best friend
    I have this best friend. We have been best friends for about 9 years now. I'm also best friends with her ex. Which complicates things more. We have kissed before but this week end we had sex. The sex was great. Is this going to screw up our friendship
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:22 PM
    Synnen

    How can we know that?

    We're not psychics!

    Like ANY relationship, you will both need to work to make things work between you.
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:34 PM
    Fr_Chuck

    I would hope your partner is always your best friend, if they are not, you don't develop your relationship properly.

    And sort of a big jump, you kissed before, and went to kiss to sex.

    Also ex, is this a ex husband or just a ex boyfriend.
    Also how old are you
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:37 PM
    JoeCanada76

    It is up to each of you together to determine whether it will mess things up or actually make for a bright future. Great sex does not necessarily means it will work out then again you have been friends for 9 years. Maybe this is just the beginning of a good thing. So it could go either way really. Was there any expectations of this going further into a relationship or was it agreed the sex was without strings attached.?
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:52 PM
    l0st1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Jesushelper76 View Post
    It is up to each of you together to determine whether it will mess things up or actually make for a bright future. Great sex does not necessarily means it will work out then again you have been friends for 9 years. Maybe this is just the beginning of a good thing. So it could go either way really. Was there any expectations of this going further into a relationship or was it agreed the sex was without strings attached. ???
    There wasn't anything planned. We were just kind of hanging out. And then it happened. We have hung out since then (live a few hours away from each other) we both felt a little strange at first. But also relieved I think. We haven't talk about it yet. I don't know if we should, or just see what happens
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:54 PM
    l0st1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    I would hope your partner is always your best friend, if they are not, you don't develop your relationship properly.

    And sorta a big jump, you kissed before, and went to kiss to sex.

    Also ex, is this a ex husband or just a ex boyfriend.
    Also how old are you
    Just an ex boyfriend. I'm 25. I'm not a little kid. This girl just drives me crazy. Can't think straight, (in a good way)
  • Apr 13, 2009, 06:57 PM
    JoeCanada76

    Well I think that you should just wait and see what happens. Do not push the subject but then again, try to act natural about it too.
    I am sure you are both thinking the same way you know.

    Hopefully you just relax and the same goes for your friend.

    Joe
  • Apr 13, 2009, 07:03 PM
    bronzebabe

    well, it happened. Now what? you want to continue to be friends, or boyfriend, girlfriend? i guess its up to you both to decide...
  • Apr 13, 2009, 07:07 PM
    mudweiser
    If you both handle it properly it won't soil the relationship. Being clear with each other on what you want [to maintain being friends or start a romantic relationship] would also help... a lot.

    It really all boils down to the strength of your friendship.

    Sarah
  • Apr 13, 2009, 07:12 PM
    l0st1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by mudweiser View Post
    If you both handle it properly it won't soil the relationship. Being clear with each other on what you want [to maintain being friends or start a romantic relationship] would also help...a lot.

    It really all boils down to the strength of your friendship.

    Sarah
    We love each other no matter what. Neither one of us has any doubt about that. We've had a conversation before about us being romanticly involved. Like I said. Her ex boyfriend is a friend of mine. Neither one of us wants to hurt him. I think we keep things locked up inside to avoid it
  • Apr 13, 2009, 07:18 PM
    mudweiser
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by l0st1 View Post
    her ex boyfriend is a friend of mine. neither one of us wants to hurt him. i think we keep things locked up inside to avoid it
    How long have they been broken up? How long did they date?

    Sarah
  • Apr 14, 2009, 06:27 AM
    smoothy

    Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. Hard to know for sure... and you most certainly WILL find out now.
  • Apr 14, 2009, 06:37 AM
    88sunflower

    Well only if you let it. That opens an entirely new range of emotions. You will both either have the strength to control your feelings and let life go on. Or you will fall prey to the desire and do it again. Then I think there might be issues if your not ready for that type of relationship.
  • Apr 14, 2009, 06:46 AM
    JohnDoe12345

    Unfortunately I would have to say yes. It has been my personal experience that once you cross that line the friendship will neve be the same. You can pretend for a while that it will be but in the end it always gets messy. Sorry for the bad news
  • Apr 14, 2009, 07:03 AM
    spitvenom

    I had the same Situation. We were friends for 8 years. I was friends with her ex pretty much my entire life but they were broken up for about 2 years. We kissed ended up having sex 4 years later we are married and I have never been happier.
  • Apr 14, 2009, 01:13 PM
    I wish

    You sound very confused about your feelings for her. Before you worry about hurting your friend (her ex) and before you confront her (which you eventually will have to), you should definitely sort out your feelings for her first.

    You have to decide if you want to maintain the friendship that you have (and that it was a one time thing) or you want something more.
  • Apr 14, 2009, 03:21 PM
    l0st1
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by spitvenom View Post
    I had the same Situation. We were friends for 8 years. I was friends with her ex pretty much my entire life but they were broken up for about 2 years. We kissed ended up having sex 4 years later we are married and I have never been happier.
    Damn, really. That sounds awsome. I just don't want to mess the things we have up now
  • Apr 15, 2009, 12:31 PM
    chrissymarie

    Well it's obvious if you 2 decide to be together you have to let go of her ex as your friend and she has to let go of him too. If you 2 decide to be together that will hurt him and you'll be forced to let him go. Is that something your ready for?

    Don't start thinking about a relationship now just because the sex with her was good... Think about how you 2 connect romantically on a mental level. There has to be a reason why she has been your friend for 9 years and not your girlfreind besides the fact that she was dating your best friend.

    If anything you need to talk to her and see what she's thinking. Whatever you 2 decide will have to be played out 100% because anything less is just going to be a disater...

    Either you 2 will be dating and working towards a productive future together or you will just be friends and NEVER HAVE SEX AGAIN. Friends don't have sex.

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