How do you know when its time to end a marriage? I know its different for every one. But somedays I have a hard time knowing if I am in love or not.

Hi Sun,

You are right, that is a very difficult question to answer, as we cannot decide for you if you should get a divorce or not, and if you are in love or not.

By the nature of your question, I would say that it doesn't seem that you are in love anymore. Can you provide some more detail as to why you are considering divorce?

NO ONE can answer that question for you because it is something for you to decide

But if you feel trapped and you know that you really don't love them then you may Consider a divorce

But at the end of the day it is up to YOU to decide.
I hope you find a clear path and follow your heart

Well I guess its because I feel nothing when he is around me. But when I think of leaving I can't do it. I don't know if it's a rut or what. I don't know what to do. He is a good man. Together since 1991, but not at all like it was. I know things change, but we don't seem to have fun or even try or whatever. I don't know what to do.

Hi Sun,

What about marriage counseling? Does your husband see that things have changed?

It is very easy to get into a rut.

The loving part of a relationship is easy,it just IS. It exists without help.

Keeping the fun and spontaneity of a marriage is work!

Does the thought of a life without him make you feel afraid or is it because you have a history ,an investment in this man?

The comfort of being with someone long term is great but sometimes that comfort turns to complacency.Its boring and dull.

If you haven't already have a good long chat about it.Tell him you fear that the marriage is at a standstill.

Maybe you just need to spend quality time together,doing something you haven't done in a while.

It is easy to fall out of love and easy to stay with someone because your familiar with them and have fear of starting over.

Your marriage seems to have a lot of problems that aren't going be solved overnight. However, if the two of you work together it can work but your going need a lot of patience, tlc, and open communication.

So is your husband open to counseling? Don't you and your husband have a vaction coming up?

Hey liz, we do have a little vacation coming up. We are leaving Thursday morning and will be home Saturday night. We will have our son with us. We have done counseling. I know the main problem is me. But he just never talks or gives me effort. That's what makes me give up. I don't know what it is. I guess after all these years I have never been his priority and I wonder if I chose the wrong one. Maybe I don't know what love is? Maybe I think its greener on the other side when I know its not. I don't know. I find myself asking questions on here and in a sense they are all the same. Maybe I am looking for the "answer" We did do counseling but it didn't do much. Mostly caused tension between us. Maybe I have a higher expectations for a marriage then I am getting in return. I have let my life evolve around him for years and I just always seem to be on his back burner. Or so it feels. I don't know!

Is that really your pic liz? Your beautiful if its you.

Well Sunflower the answers are in you. You have know what you want and if you done talked to your husband about your concerns and nothing change than maybe it will be this way throughout the rest of your marriage.

Did counseling helped? Most likely it didn't. Did your sex life changed yet because I know your unhappy with your sex life. I remember your "what could I hide in my pants question" that stills crack me up.

Yes I agree. I have been questioning my marriage for a long time. Years. I guess that's where I get the am I in love or not feeling. Its so hard isn't it? I mean you spend your life trying to just be simple and happy and then to sit and question your choices.

Are you still cheating with a married guy?

No I have put some space between us. Even if I do leave my husband he isn't the right choice for me he would just be rebound and I know that.

Maybe he didn't get over your affair yet and may be the reason behind his ways. Maybe he hasn't fully forgave you yet.

I do agree to that.

Hey liz are you getting this? Well anyone who has helped me! As some of you remember I have questioned my marriage and of course the affair I put myself in. I just got back from a mini vacation with my husband and son. For the most part it was OK. My husband just yells at my son nonstop for everything so that kind of ruins it for us. But I expected that. My son can't move with out him being in trouble. Poor baby. So anyway, it didn't make me feel anything either way. I really thought it was going to be so great. But it just felt like a charade. It felt like this big fake thing we were doing and we didn't care either way. My son was happy and had fun so to me it was worth it. But I was hoping in a sense I could start to connect again with my husband but it wasn't there. We barely even looked at each other. I guess I am stressing out because long before we were married I was never ever his priority. I was always put in the backseat. But I stuck it out. Of course I guess I let that get to me and that's why I got weak and put myself in the affair. Does my husband know I don't feel important and don't get enough attention. Yes yes and more yes. I have talked this over with him again and again for years. I don't need him up my , but when we are out together I would like people to know we are together. Instead he has his good time and then when he feels like coming around to me he does. Most of the time I sit alone and wait to go home. But I guess I am rambling. I am just let down over our vacation and wanted more out of it. As far as the boyfriend, I already said I have put distance between us. I didn't miss him when I was away and the only time I thought of him was when I realized how mad he would be that I hadn't called and that we were going to stay an extra night. Like I was "worried" over what he was going to say. I don't really care what he says but that was my only thoughts on him. I don't now if I should keep working on my marriage or just hang it up. I can see the same problems never changing but I want to keep trying. I am so confused right now I don't even know what I am typing!!

Are you trying to stay with him because the two of have a child together?

Some more babbling on my part. I know maybe I need to walk away and just be alone. I moved out back in December and loved being alone for the most part. But I have this nagging thing in my head saying I have to make this work for my son. I have a brother who is super old fashioned and drives it on my head I have to stay married. How people fall in and out of love with the same person and we have it make it work and make it work for my son. Then my sister in law likes to remind me no matter who I bring in to the family my brother won't like since its not my husband. I know its my life but I hate the pressures.

Yes I guess so. I mean its hard enough in the world for children today I hate to see him live with divorced parents also. I had to and its not easy

I don't know! We were so great once and I just wish it were like that again.

I am having a terrible day!