I've messed up by not talking to my partner
Hi, I'm new here but hope you may be able to help me.
I'm so confused & I apologise for the long post.
My partner has decided to end our 11 year relationship due to me being unable to talk to him about financial problems that we are having. By not talking to him he has said that I am lying to him.
To cut a long story short, everything was great until the last couple of years, when bills started to rise (mortgage etc, we bought a house 5 years ago that is way beyond our means) & get out of control. He knew that I was never the greatest at making sure everything was done ontime or by talking but still left me to get on with it. Anyway over the last 12 months he found out that I was not saying anything about us getting into arrears on our mortgage. I tried to explain that I was scared of his reaction as he had reacted badly in the past when I didn't pay a bill on time & they were chasing me. I have had bills come through in the past where we are being chased & managed to resolve them without him knowing so thought I would be able to do this again. Anyway, we managed to get past this one but I had to break down exactly where everything had been spent. It seem to work & he realised that we didn't have enough money to cover the essentials so by getting behind on the bills was inevitable. However, I had broken his trust & on top of this he was going through a cancer scare at the same time. Our house was already on the market but at the height of the media scrum it wasn't helping either.
After this, he made me promise that nothing else was outstanding. I just pretended & said it was as I love him & didn't want us to go our separate ways, but it wasn't. The tax office was trying to make his ltd company insolvent as I couldn't afford to pay the tax on top of all the bills (he contracts & needed the company to earn his wages) & as always I thought I could solve it & again would be none the wiser. I was wrong. They managed to get an insolvency order which I was notified about at the end of March. 3 days after finding out & I was still trying to pluck up the courage to tell him he sent me an email asking why there was an insolvency order on the company. He had found out by the agency he is working through. That was it. He came home that night & said it was over. When asking why didn't I say anything my response of being scared & not wanting to lose him was seen as an excuse & if I believe that then I had nothing to lose by telling him. He has never helped me with anything to do with running of the house in the last few years (we both work full time, I have a son from a previous relationship & it became my responsibility to do everything to do with the house/family/ltd company etc) and I think by this point I was mentally exhausted I had no reactions.
This was just over a week ago & he is adamant there is no going back & just keeps asking me what I am going to be doing. At this point I don't have a clue. He is going round the house asking what do I want etc. Neither one of us in a position financially to move out until the house is sold.
He has been quite calm over that last few days, we are still sharing the same bed & I'm still doing all the normal household things & trying sort out financing his new car. Then the other night he asked me for sex but said it meant nothing had changed & that I wasn't to get emotional. I secummed as I love him & wanted him. Now my head is in a worse place than it was before & I think I knew it was wrong but how can you get someone out of your head that you love so much.
I suppose by these actions I am questioning whether it is really over or not. Why would you want to sleep with someone who you tell it is over & there is no going back, but they know you don't want it to finish. Once the house has sold we have both decided we are going to rent for a while separately but whilst sleeping together he did say there was no reason why we couldn't as long as I understood that there is no emotional ties.
Aside from the finance side of things our relationship has been great & I know that once we are away from this house & the pressure things will be different but I don't want to lose him. We were friends for 8 years prior to us getting together.
Is there a chance for us? I know it takes 2 people to make a relationship work but I am asking for other readers experiences of it possibly working.